


Is life worth living?

by Alya_Selene



Series: I'll never walk away without you [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Albus Dumbledore, Breaking Up & Making Up, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, F/M, Ginny Weasley Bashing, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Manipulation, Molly Weasley Bashing, Not Beta Read, Parent/Child Incest, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Ron Weasley Bashing, Sexual Slavery, Sorry Not Sorry, Strangulation, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-09-02 04:24:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 67,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16779541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alya_Selene/pseuds/Alya_Selene
Summary: Ilias Crabbe was born in 1978, he is the son of Vincent Crabbe Sr. His family hates him and offers him to Voldemort. This story tells the suffering and the struggling of a boy who has never been loved.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> So I'm French (English is not my native language), if I made mistakes I am sorry.  
> I wrote the first part of this story so you will not have to wait for updates.

My name is Ilias Crabbe and I was born on July 25th 1978\. When the Dark Lord came back, I was not even seventeen. When He came back, he did me a great honor, well according to my parents. I became his plaything. I'd always thought that Voldemort's homosexuality was a myth. I would have never guessed that it was true and that he was more into young and beautiful men. You must think that I do not fit in all the categories. I am even sure that you're picturing my younger brother, Vincent Crabbe, or my father, Crabbe Senior, right now. They are short and fat, their hair is short and brown and they have piggy brown eyes. I will be honest, I am lucky enough not to look like them. I am tall, my hair is blond and long and I have blue-green almond eyes. When I was born, my father even thought that my mother had cheated on him and I must say that once or twice I thought that I was the son of Lucius Malfoy. In 1989, when I was eleven, I arrived at Hogwarts. I only knew some kids and the Potion Master, Severus Snape. At that time, I was scared of my parents so I nearly begged the Sorting Hat when it wanted to send to Ravenclaw so it sent me to the Slytherin House. I think that it is during my fifth year that I found out that I was more attracted by men than by women. I preferred older men, seventh year mostly and none among my fellow Slytherins. My parents soon learnt about it anyway and, at first, they were horrified. Homosexuality was tolerated in the wizarding world but gay witches and wizards were seen as second rate citizens. They tried to convince me that women were better but it never worked. I've always preferred muscular and manly bodies. People say about me that I am gorgeous and innocent. That's maybe why my boyfriends never did anything with me except snogging and touching. I know that when people look at me it is as if there was “Son of a Death Eater” written on my forehead. I try to make them see that this is not who I am. I have good grades, and not only in Potions, I spend a lot of time in the library, working and studying. The problem is that once people forget who my parents are, they can only see my physical appearance.


	2. 2nd July 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias' parents decided that the best way to be in Voldemort's good graces is to give him a gift. As they hate their son, they decide to give him to their Master, not even caring about what could and will happen to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : This is going to be nasty. Starting a story with a rape scene is not easy, even for a twisted mind like mine.

My parents were called by Voldemort around 7 pm. and I was asked to come with them. I was a bit scared because I didn't really have great memories of the man. He was brutal, violent and completely mad, even more than Bellatrix Lestrange. When we arrived at Malfoy's Manor, there was no one except the Dark Lord and Severus Snape. We all sat down at a huge table, all except the red-eyed man. He came behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. I froze and stared at the Potion Master who was sitting just in front of me. I didn't hear a lot of things the Dark Lord and my parents were saying, only the end of the conversation.

"…agree to give me your eldest son? He will be my pet and you won't be allowed to see him outside of this place and only when I allow you to do so."

"Yes, it will be a great honor my Lord to give you our son. We will do as you wish my Lord."

"Good. Severus, do you agree to become Ilias's personal healer?"

"I do, my Lord."

"In that case, come with me, my boy."

A hand appeared to my right and I hesitantly took it. Before I knew it, I was in an unknown bedroom with an uncaring, scary and mad man. He threw me on the bed, head face to the sheets. I was so damn scared. He tore my clothes and threw them out of sight or reach. My heart was beating really hard and fast, so fast that I thought that I was having an heart attack. Suddenly I felt something hard and hot against my ass and I remembered that I was completely naked and a mad man was just behind me. I did the only I could do, panic. I started to shiver and silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt a burning pain inside of me. It was horrible. It felt as if I were being cut into pieces. I tried not to sob when the pain increased while the Dark Lord was thrusting in and out of my body. I tried really hard, I even bit my lips to keep my mouth shut. But soon, it was too much for me and loud sobs and screams of pain escaped my mouth. Quickly, two pale hands gripped my neck, making me suffocate. I closed my eyes when he emptied himself inside of me. He got out of me and I waited a bit, head down, until the door of the bedroom was closed. I lifted my body, carefully, and I saw that there was blood on the sheets. As I stood up I felt a wave of pain running through my body and I gritted my teeth. I walked slowly to a door and discovered the bathroom. I went in the shower and let the cold water slid on my shaking body. I was rubbing my hands against my forearms, trying to get rid of this impression of being dirty. My nails were rubbing against my reddish skin and they left scratches, almost bleeding scratches. I tried to forget what just happened to me. Just thinking about it was making me shiver. I came back to reality when I heard the door of the bathroom open. My still shaking body started to go numb and I had to hold onto the wall to keep me from falling. My mouth was dry as I spoke.

"My Lord, please give me a few minutes and I'll come back to the bedroom."

"I am not the Dark Lord, Mr Crabbe."

I sighed in relief and I collapsed to the floor, on my knees, unable to stand up. I felt strong arms lifting me up and I looked up at the man who was now holding me.

"Professor Snape?"

"You may call me Severus. I am not your teacher here nor am I the Head of your House."

"Then I too have a name."

"Anyway, I am here to heal you. The Dark Lord said that you might be hurt."

"Oh, so he cares about me? Brilliant. How would it have been if he didn't? Would I be dead? I wish I was."

"Sarcasm does not suit you."

"Indifference does not suit you either, Severus."

He carried me to the bed and sat beside me.

"How do you feel?"

"Are you really asking me this minutes after I was raped by _your_ Dark Lord?"

"I was talking about physical pain."

"A look at the sheets and at my body will give you the answer."

"Take those potions and get some rest."

"Do you really expect me to sleep after what happened?"

"Then drink the potions and do something useful instead of wasting my time."

I drank all the potions and gave back the empty bottles to him.

"Now, you should leave. After all, I do not want you to waste more of your _precious_ time with me, Professor."

"This is not what I…"

"Get out."

"And I told you to…"

"I said get out. Or maybe that you prefer a more violent method. Do you like it when he summons you, when he tortures you? Does pain excite you?"

"Respect your elders."

"You want me to respect you? Then respect me and respect my wishes. Now, out. I took your bloody potions. I am healed, he will be pleased. Now that you've done your job, shut up and get the hell out of here before I make you."

He looked at me and then he left. I lay down on the bed and looked at the ceiling. I fell asleep before noticing it. The old greasy git must have given me some sleeping potions.


	3. 30th August 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias' marking day has come but it is not really what he was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might seem a bit weird. It's mainly dialogue and thoughts about what beauty is. I thought while writing this that it was important for Ilias and Severus to bond thanks to something they both like.

For almost two months I hadn't left the bedroom I was assigned to. It was the first time I was allowed to get out and to wear clothes. Even if it was hot outside, I was wearing a pair of trousers and a long-sleeves T-shirt. I was asked to meet the Dark Lord inside of the main living room. I went downstairs and I found Lucius Malfoy waiting for me. He was like a father to me, I knew I could trust him.

"I must tell you Ilias, what you are going to experience is very painful."

"It can't be worst than the pain I feel since I came. Lucius, what is he going to do to me?"

"I do not know son, maybe that he is going to give you the Mark but I do not think so. You are an adult but you still are at Hogwarts. I think that it would be too dangerous for you to give you the Mark. I have heard that the Dark Lord wants you to leave the manor tonight with Severus. He does not want you to take the Hogwarts Express this year."

"Maybe that he is just going to tell me this."

"I doubt it. He asked not to be disturbed. The only Death Eater allowed in is Severus. Which means that you will certainly need to be healed."

"Great, no one has ever cared so much about me."

"I know that you are not happy with this situation and, believe me, only your parents and your brother are happy that you are what you are now for the Dark Lord."

"A whore is a whore, Lucius. That's how he uses me. They gave me to him in order to have more power and I had no other choice but to comply."

"That is not what you are to me."

"Wish me luck Lucius. I think I will need it."

He left me in front of the door of the living room and I went inside. I only saw Severus, standing in front of a window, and I walked towards him before looking at the garden.

"He is not here."

"That's not a question, Ilias."

"I was asked to come here."

"And so was I."

"Then Lucius was right."

"What do you mean?"

"Lucius told me that if you were the only Death Eater who could get in here then it meant that I would be hurt."

"Does it surprise you?"

"No. What startles me is that he is not there yet."

"He'll come."

"Do you know what he is going to do to me?"

"Last time I heard him talking about a mark. Not the same as ours but it will work the same way."

"But why is he marking me this year?"

"We will see.

We waited a bit, silently, and the door opened. We turned around and bowed. He sat on the sofa.

"Ilias, sit next to me and roll up your sleeves."

I did as I was asked and he took my left arm in his hands. He placed his wand on my forearm and started muttering a strange spell. My skin went red where his wand was and even seem to be boiling. At first, I felt no pain and I even wondered why Severus was here. But soon, as the drawing was starting to appear on my flesh, waves of pain ran through my body I had to bit my lips to prevent any sounds from coming out of my mouth. A black and green snake appeared on my arm, coiling up around my forearm. The creature was long and its head was resting on my wrist. The pain was now intense. My body was numb and I was sweating. I could barely feel Snape's hands on my shoulders. I was not even sure that I was still conscious. Then, the pain left my body.

"Severus, heal him and then you two go to Hogwarts. You may bring him to me when I want to. I will use his Mark. He will come to you when I will call him. Is that understood?

"Yes, my Lord."

"Then heal him. I have to leave the manor for a few days."

Voldemort went out and Severus sat beside me.

"Do you hear me?"

I could only nod.

"Here, drink those."

He made me drink his disgusting potions and I looked up at him.

"What is going to happen to me now?"

"Nothing will really change. The only thing which will be different is that now he will call you instead of coming to you."

"Can I refuse?"

"Only if you have a good reason."

"But what about school?"

"As I understood, you are the Head Boy this year."

"I thought that prefects and Head Boys or Girls were chosen by the Heads of Houses."

"The Head Boy is chosen by the Head of House but also by the Headmaster. I gave a list of names to the Headmaster and he chose you. Since you are the Head Boy you have privileges. You do not have to respect the curfew. Which means that if he calls you then you can come to me. As I am the Head of your House, it will seem less suspicious."

"Will it hurt?"

"What?"

"Will it hurt when he'll call me? Be honest."

"Yes, it will hurt."

"Does your mark hurt you when he calls you?"

I took his left arm in my hands and rolled up his sleeve. I looked at the Mark, never touching it.

"Yes, it hurts me when he summons me."

"Your Mark is ugly and mine looks good but both are hideous."

"What do you mean?"

"The drawing of your Mark looks horrible while mine does not. But it does not make it beautiful because what they mean is not beautiful."

"But what looks good is always beautiful even if it is dark."

"Are you sure? I think that my Mark looks good but I hate it, it is ugly. What is ugly is not the drawing itself but the meaning of it, what it represents. Your Mark claims that you are a Death Eater and Voldemort's Soldier. Mine means that I belong to _your_ Dark Lord. Are our marks good looking enough to forget what they mean?

"You are a strange man Ilias. Are you sure that you are a Crabbe? Or even one of my Slytherins?"

"Well I was not supposed to be a Slytherin but a Ravenclaw. But you are more clever than I am so clever people can also be Slytherins."

"Why are you in Slytherin if you were supposed to be in Ravenclaw?"

"I simply asked the Sorting Hat."

"You asked?"

"Yeah, and begged a bit maybe. Actually, I was scared by my parents' reaction if I had been sorted in Ravenclaw. My whole family went to the Slytherin House."

"What would they have done if you had been in Ravenclaw?"

"You just know my parents in their Death Eater clothes. My father hates me because I do not look like him, my mother does not care about me because she always wanted to have a girl first, and my brother just thinks that I am a know-it-all. I have spent a lot of time in this manor during my childhood. Lucius is almost like a father to me."

"What do you mean by 'my mother does not care about me'? "

"As I said, she wanted to have a girl first but it turns out that I am a man. She tried to turn me a bit into a girl but well, a man is a man. I just kept the long hair. I like it. She even made me wear robes, girlish dresses, when I was a kid. Awful time it was."

"She made you wear dresses?"

"Yeah, like those pink dresses with lace and ribbons. It was utterly disgusting."

"I can't even picture you with a wizard robe so a dress..."

"Now you know why the words dress and robe make me shiver."

We talked a bit and then we had to go to Hogwarts. I never went to Hogwarts earlier and I had always come here with the Hogwarts Express. I didn't even know where I was. It looked like Hogsmeade but it seemed different.

"Ilias, come with me. I don't want you to get lost."

"I may not be 100% Slytherin but it does not mean that I am stupid."

I looked around me. It was weird. Everything was way too quiet. Hogwarts was my second home but going into the castle was like entering an unknown place.

"Is something wrong Ilias?"

"It is not wrong, just different."

"What do you mean?"

"Can't you feel it?"

"What should I feel?"

"The atmosphere is different. It is more tense, darker than last year."

"Well, someone died last year and the Dark Lord is back so this is quite normal."

"I am very well aware of it, thank you. But this is different. It comes from someone. It is not coming from me. Nor from you, for once."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"It was sarcasm."

"Yes indeed."

"You are a weird kid."

"I've always been weird, you've just never seen me as I am. But I don't blame you for that. How am I supposed to be seen as myself, Ilias, when my name is Crabbe? And I am not a kid. I am a man, an adult now."

"And you are way too clever to be a Crabbe."

"People often tell me this."

"Come with me, you will live with me for a few days."

"Why? I have my own apartments, haven't I?"

"Yes but you can only use them when the term begins."

"Don't you mind me living with you?"

"No, I'd rather live with you forever than spend one night with Potter."

"Why do you hate him?"

"This is none of your business."

"It's okay if you don't want to answer. I see a lot of myself in him. He does not seem happy."

"I am sure that this lazy and arrogant brat is happy with his Muggle family."

"Fred and George told me once that when he was in second year, his uncle and his aunt had put bars at the window of his bedroom so that he will not go back here, to Hogwarts."

"There must be a reason."

"Come on Severus, why don't you open your eyes and see things as they are?"

He said nothing and led me to his rooms.

"I will be downstairs, making potions, do what you want."

"Do you need help?"

"No, thank you."

Then do you have blank sheets and pencils? I've used up all my stock."

"Yes, I must have some in my study. It's the second door to your left."

"Do you mind if I stay there to draw?"

"To draw?"

"Yes, that is what I said."

"I didn't know you could draw."

"There are a lot of things that you do not know about me."

"What do you draw?"

"Usually portraits."

"Portraits of who?"

"People I know. Yes, I have portraits of you if this is the answer you wanted to hear."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I also have portraits of Dumbledore and a lot of teachers. I also drew some Quidditch matches and I made some drawings during the Triwizard Tournament last year."

"Where do you keep those drawings?"

"In an hidden compartment inside of my trunk. I don't want my brother to find them."

"Can I see them?"

"Yes, of course."

I went to my trunk and pushed an invisible button. A drawer appeared, full of sheets. I took them out and handed the drawings to him. He sat on his sofa and I went behind him. He sat on his sofa and I went behind him, standing. He looked at the pictures, one by one, and I picked one of them.

"I like this one."

"What does it represent?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, it was last year during the Yule Ball."

"Can I?"

"Of course."

I gave him the drawing. It was a bit weird to me to say that my work was beautiful but for this one at least, it was true. It was a drawing of him during the Yule Ball. He was leaning against the wall and looking at the dancers, absentmindedly. He didn't seem to listen to what Igor Karkaroff was saying. The picture moved and he turned his head towards the observer. His eyes almost looked real. They were shimmering and so dark that we could forget who we were just by looking at them.

"You can keep it if you want to."

"Are you sure? You said you like this one."

"Yes, but it won't be lost with you. Take it as a gift for your hospitality."

"You just arrived."

"Yes so take it before I find out that you happen to be a terrible host."

He kept the drawing and gave the others back to me. He went to his laboratory and I went to the study. I must have stayed there for hours, drawing. I started to be hungry and I went to the kitchen. I made dinner and I went to the laboratory once everything was ready. The room was rather dark and I could barely see my feet.

"Severus? Where are you? _Lumos_."

I walked a bit and found another door. I opened it and there he was, picking up some ingredients from the upper shelves. I was taller than him so I grabbed the bottle he was trying to reach and gave it to him.

"Ilias, I didn't hear you come in."

"I called you. I cooked."

"You did?"

"Yes, I know how to cook even if I am a pure-blood wizard. And I suppose you do as well. Cooking and potion making are two close things. Now, come with me, I bet you're as hungry as I am."

We went to the living room and ate silently. After the dinner we both sat on the sofa to read books. I had to put my glasses on and I saw that Severus was looking at me as if a second head had grown on my neck.

"Since when do you wear glasses?"

"I only wear glasses to read or to draw."

"Don't you need them in class?"

"Sometimes I should wear them but I don't."

"Why?"

"I don't want to be bullied. Even if I am sure that this is going to happen anyway this year."

"Why do you think so?"

"All the Slytherins are going to know what happened this summer. All Death Eaters' kids are already well aware of it. I know that Draco tried to protect me in his own way but my brother must have told all his friends that his older brother is now Voldemort's bitch."

"That's not true. It is not as if you wanted any of this to happen."

There was a knock on the door of Severus's apartments.

"Were you waiting for someone?"

"No, it can be Dumbledore."

"You should open the door then."

"What about you?"

"I will make no noise and I will read. Can't you have guests?"

"I can but you also are a student."

"I am the Head Boy, just tell him that you wanted to talk to me about my new responsibilities and that I will stay here and study until the new term begins. Easy, isn't it?"

"You are far too clever for a Crabbe."

"Are you growing senile Severus? Because you already told me this."

"You insolent little brat."

"I like you too Severus."

I gave him a big, carefree and innocent smile and he rolled his eyes before opening the door to his unexpected visitor. From where I was, I could hear everything but I could not see.

"Who are you?"

That was Severus's voice and his words meant that he didn't know who was in front of him.

"I am Dolores Jane Umbridge, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Oh Merlin's beard! From her high-pitched voice I knew that I would hate this woman.

"And I am Severus Tobias Snape, the Potion Master. Now if you'll excuse me, I have potions to make."

"For how long have you been teaching here?"

"Fourteen years."

I went back to my book, the conversation was not interesting anymore.

"Is there someone with you Professor Snape?"

"Why do you think so?"

"I have heard something coming from inside."

"It is just a student."

"A student? But school has not started yet."

"He is the new Head Boy of the Slytherin House."

I closed my book and took it with me as I went to the front door. I discovered a woman wearing a pink dress with a pink hat, a pink bag and pink shoes. Too much pink on one person, it was almost burning my eyes.

"Good evening. My name is Ilias Crabbe and I am the new Head Boy of the Slytherin House. But I believe that Professor Snape already told you this."

"What are you doing at Hogwarts?"

"The Headmaster knows that my parents are close to Professor Snape. He was asked to tell me what my duties as Head Boy were."

"Then why are you reading inside of one of your teacher's apartments?"

"The Headmaster told me that I could stay here since the term begins in a few days and Professor Snape kindly offered me to stay in the guest room of his apartments. Is that a problem?"

"I am sure that you know that relations between a teacher and a student are forbidden."

"I believe that you are making a mistake Professor Umbridge."

"Are you saying that I am lying?"

"Of course not. Lying and being wrong are two different things. You did not lie, you said what you thought was true. And since it was not, it isn't a lie but a mistake. I do not have that kind of relationship with Professor Snape. He is my teacher and I am his student. And as you can see, I was reading when you arrived. We have nothing to hide since there is nothing which needs to be hidden."

"I see. Then I won't disturb you much longer. Good evening Professor Snape, Mister Crabbe."

"Good evening Professor."

Severus stayed quiet and closed the door after she left.

"Where does the Headmaster find his Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers? The only one who taught us something was Professor Lupin but he left because _someone_ let slip that he was a werewolf. The others were useless. Have you seen her? I have never seen so much pink on one person. It was repulsive. And is it normal that she looks like a toad ?"

"When you'll be done complaining maybe that you will let me speak."

"Go on then."

"She works for the Ministry, she wasn't chosen by Dumbledore, he didn't have the choice."

"I see, the Minister for Magic wants to keep an eye on the Headmaster."

"Exactly. Fudge does not believe Potter and Dumbledore."

"He is a fool. He is scared so he denies the truth."

We went back to the living room and we continued reading our books.

"What are you doing, Ilias?"

"Reading a book about potions."

"I can see it. But why are you writing on some pages?"

"I am trying to improve a potion for a friend."

"What potion?"

"A potion to create explosions, like fireworks. Bigger fireworks than the muggle ones."

"What for?"

"He didn't say. I think that I have found a way to make one but it will take months to test it."

"Do you need help?"

"If you don't mind. But I don't want to bother you."

"I am the one who asked so it does not bother me."

"That's true. Do you think we can start now?"

"Yes, if you want to."

We went to the laboratory and we tried to create the potion. Our first tests went wrong and we had to make the potions disappear before it could explode. Our fifth try was the worst. I pushed Severus aside when I saw that the potion was about to explode. When the cauldron blew up, I was just in front of it. I was propelled against the wall behind me. Severus came to me and helped me to get on my feet.

_"Aguamenti_."

A second later, I was soaking wet.

"What was that for?"

"You hair was burning."

"What?"

"Your hair was on fire."

"Merlin's beard..."

"Sit down and I will try to arrange your hair."

"I trust you, don't mess it up."

"Stop moving you bloody idiot."

I mumbled in my breath and let him deal with my hair. He cut my hair during a few minutes and then he stepped back.

"Are you done?"

"Yes."

"How do I look?"

"Is it normal that you hair is curly?"

"It was curly before I let it grow."

"You look different. You do not look like Lucius anymore. A bit like Draco maybe."

"Draco? I am way taller than he is and my hair is curly."

"Well, you've got the face. Your hair is darker than his and your eyes are blue-green while his are blue."

"Yes, so I do not look like him at all."

"Not so much. But you look like the Malfoys. You always did. Not so much now, it's true. Before you seemed a bit arrogant."

"Arrogant?"

"Yes, the long hair gave you a sort of aristocratic and arrogant look."

"And now?"

"You look more approachable and you do not look arrogant anymore."

"Do you like it?"

"Is my opinion important?"

"You are the first one to see me like this and we've known each other since I was a baby."

"Yes, I like it. Now we should go to bed. It is too late to keep making experiments."

"You're right. I should take a shower before going to bed."

"There is a bathroom inside of the guest's bedroom."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For helping me and for being here."

"Well, I do live here."

"Don't play the dumb, you know exactly what I mean."

We went back to the living room and I stopped him before he went to his bedroom.

"You didn't tell me if you liked my cooking. Was dinner good?"

"Yes, it was. I wonder where you learnt to cook. I thought that the Crabbe family had house elves."

"We do. But this is a long story and we are both tired. It will have to wait, at least until tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit something. At the very beginning I thought about writing a Severus/Lucius/OMC but I wasn't happy about how it would turn out to be because I like Narcissa. Then I thought that Ilias would need a father figure and here we are.


	4. 5th and 9th October 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias gets involved with Harry's defence group, Dumbledore's Army. He also has to deal with his new status.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for making you wait but it's the period of the exams at my University so I have a lot of work to do. I'll try to update on Wednesday or Thursday.

I was coming out of the potion classroom when Fred and George caught me. They took me to another corridor and let me go.

"Hi Ilias."

"What happened to your hair?"

"We didn't have the chance to ask you."

"Did you cut it?"

"Did your boyfriend cut it?"

"Who is your new target? A seventh year?"

"A teacher?"

"Is it Snape?"

"Stop it guys! My hair burnt because of your bloody potion. Snape cut my hair but no, he is not my boyfriend nor my “target”."

"Why was Snape with you?"

"Does he fancy you?"

"No, he was with me because he helped me."

"Did you succeed?"

"My hair burnt so of course not Fred."

"How were your vacations?"

"Have you met any cute man?"

"Have you..."

"Drop it. My summer was awful."

"Cause of You-Know-Who? We know he is back, we believe Harry and Dumbledore."

"I can't talk about it. But my parents are mainly responsible for the shitty summer I had."

"We have something..."

"…which could interest you."

"What ? Is it one your inventions?"

"No, not this time."

"We know that you are not like all the Slytherins."

"We know your parents dragged you into this."

"You know nothing."

"Well, we know that you're just as bored as us in Defense Against the Dark Arts class."

"And?"

"We have found a way to improve ourselves."

"Are you, finally, going to study?"

"Very funny. Come with us, we will show you."

They were going to take me Merlin-knows-where when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Mr Crabbe, are those boys bothering you?"

I turned around and saw Severus.

"Professor Snape."

"I've asked you a question Mr Crabbe."

"Oh, yes. I mean no, they are not bothering me. They are my friends."

"Your friends?"

"Why does it seem surprising?"

"They are Gryffindors and your parents would not approve this friendship."

My face flushed red with anger at the mention of my parents.

"They are no parents of mine. They have lost the right to call themselves parents a long time ago and you know that very well. So don't you dare speak about my parents in front of me. Don't say their names and don't even think about them when you are in my presence. Now, good afternoon _Professor_. Fred, George. Let's go."

I walked away and the twins followed me. They led me to Hogsmeade, more precisely to the Hog's Head.

"You could not find a more creepy place to go to?"

"Stop playing the aristocrat, it does not suit you."

"George, should I remind you which aristocrat took you to the Yule Ball last year because you were all alone?"

"Shush, I know that. But it was funny to see how Snape was mad about it."

"Speaking of Snape, since when are you two so close that you fight like an old married couple?"

"All you need to know is that he helped me."

"This was a weird way to thank him for his help."

"He'll go over it. And he knows why I said all those things to him. Now, tell me why you made me come here."

"Follow us."

They led me to the far end of the place and I found out that we were not all alone. There was around twenty other students. And I was the only Slytherin.

"Fred, George, I am not sure that this is a good idea."

"Do you trust us?"

"Hmm... No?"

They were about to say something but a girl approached us.

"Fred, George, you brought someone?"

"Yep Sis'. We have found this little snake wandering in the castle so we thought that he'd like to come with us. Right Forge?"

"Yes Gred, and he even saved us from another snake."

"Stop it you two. My name is Ilias Crabbe and yes, before you say it, I am a Slytherin and I am the older bother of Vincent Crabbe and the son of Crabbe Sr, a notorious Death Eater. It was nice meeting you."

"Wait Blondie, you are not going to escape."

"I am not escaping, I am leaving. And if you call me Blondie ever again Fred, I swear that the creature of the lake will have a new kind of meal."

As I was forbidden to leave, I stayed. I listened to what Potter was saying. I'd never hated him and I was not about to start now. I had the feeling that only him could put a stopper to the hell my life was now. I agreed to put my name on the list of the members of Dumbledore's Army. I was about to leave the place with the twins when the Boy-Who-Lived stopped me.

"Hey, wait...hum...Ilias?"

I turned around and looked at the young boy.

"Yes?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"If you want to then yes."

"I mean, can we talk alone?"

"Ilias, we will wait for you outside."

They left and Potter's friends followed them.

What do you want to talk about?"

"I've had weird dreams this summer. You are the son of a Death Eater so you know that Voldemort is back. I've had dreams of you and him. Awful dreams."

"Those are called nightmares and usually, they are created by our mind."

"I saw your face. How am I supposed to be able to see the face of someone that I have never met?"

"Dreams are nothing more than dreams. You should never forget to distinguish dream from reality or you could be easily fouled."

"It was not a simple dream because I never wished what I saw to happen and I never will, not even to my enemies."

"Dreams do not always represent something you wish. It can also represent your fears."

"I was not the victim here."

"And can I know what you saw then?"

"I think that you already know."

As a reminder, I felt a slight burn on my forearm.

"I think that this conversation is over. I have homeworks to do."

I stormed out of the place and ignored the twins. Feeling that I was not in the mood for anything, they left me. I went to the Slytherin Common Room and helped the students who needed help with their homeworks. Only a few of them were aware of my situation, I could see it in their eyes. My brother and some of his friends were looking at me and laughing. Only Draco was not mocking me. I ignored them and continued to help the third years with the essay they had to turn in on the Wolfbane potion. After this, I went back to my rooms, only to get out for dinner. Here, my brother thought that it would be funny to insult me in public.

"I have heard that your vacations have been hot and hard, brother. Don't you miss it? Don't you miss Him?" 

I managed to stay calm and kept eating even if my left arm was hurting me.

"Hey whore! I am talking to you! I have heard that you were worst than a cat in heat. You liked it, huh?"

"I think that there is one thing Mother and Father always told you. Never listen to rumors."

I stood up and left the Great Hall, not waiting for an answer, holding my left arm as the pain increased. I did not want to go to Severus. I did not want to go to Voldemort. I could bear the pain, I would bear the pain. I went outside and walked to the Great Lake. I went in the water, still wearing my clothes, and I let the water go over my head. I needed this to calm my nerves. A strong and pale hand suddenly pulled me out of the water.

"Were you trying to drown yourself?"

"Professor Snape?"

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"No, I did not try to kill myself. I was trying to calm down."

"I have heard what your brother told you. He will be punished."

"Do you think that it makes me feel better?"

"No, but he will learn respect and I don't think that he will try to speak out like this ever again."

"You should know by now that my brother had no shame nor brain. He is just insufferable brat."

"He is not so stupid regarding of his grades."

"Because you think that he does his homeworks?"

"Well, I do correct them so yes."

"No, you correct what I write."

"What? But your handwriting is completely different from his."

"I use a spell to change it. He never did any of his homeworks in four years, the fifth one will not be different."

"Why do you do his homeworks?"

"Because my genitors want me to. I tried to disobey once and I won't do it again since I still have scars from my punishment."

"Did they beat you?"

"It depends on what you call beating."

"I don't know, slapping and all those sort of things."

"Then no."

"How did you get scars then?"

"My father used the _Cruciatus Curse_ on me when I was thirteen."

"You must be kidding me..."

"Do I look like I am making a joke?"

"No. If I knew..."

"There was nothing you could have done. Furthermore, this is a family business, I have to deal with it by myself."

"Does your Mark hurt? I saw you holding your arm."

"I just slipped in the bathtub. It has nothing to do with my Mark."

"If you say so. I can help you Ilias, you can talk to me."

"Everyone knows now. I don't need more pity. But thank you Severus."

I left him and I went back inside of the castle.

* * *

I could not get out of bed. My body was shaking because of the pain which had been sent to it for four days. During the first two days I was okay, I could manage to keep my face straight, I could bear the pain. The third one had been hard, the pain was so intense that I was sweating. I could not eat since even the view of food made my stomach flinch. Severus started to look at me more carefully, with suspicion. Today, I could not even move out of bed without whimpering. I sent a note to my teachers saying that I was sick and that I could not leave my bed. I did not show up at the Great Hall as I tried to sleep, something that I had not been able to do since the day I signed up for Dumbledore's Army. For three days people had been giving me pitiful stares and I could not bear it anymore. Those looks were mainly coming from the Slytherin students and some Gryffindor ones. Even my friends could not look at me without this glow of pity. I could not bear it. I waited until the middle of the night to get out of my bed. The pain was now unbearable. I had only one solution. Maybe that Severus had a potion which could ease my pain. I went to the door of his apartments and knocked. No one answered. Maybe that he was in his laboratory or wandering inside of the castle, looking for students who should not be out of bed after the curfew. I went upstairs, the cool air of the night helping me to forget my pain, a bit. I was half-naked since I could not wear a shirt, because of the sweat covering my body and because of the pain. If anyone saw me, then they would see the black and green snake moving on my torso and on my back. I went to the girls' bathroom and poured fresh water on my face. My body was hot and my skin felt as if it was burning. I heard a sound coming from behind me and I turned around. It was Draco.

"Ilias?"

"Draco, you should be in your bed."

"I am a prefect."

"Prefects are in their beds at this hour of the night."

"Are you alright? I haven't seen you all day long."

"I am fine so stop looking at me like this. There is nothing you can do."

"It is your Mark, isn't it?"

"Why are you asking me this if you already know the answer?"

"Maybe that I can do something to help you..."

"I told you, there is nothing you can do Draco."

"I am sorry, you don't deserve the way he acts with you."

"I do not need your pity Draco. I do not need anyone's pity. It is not helping me. Now, please, go. I'd like to be alone."

"Yes. If you need anything, I am here."

"All I need right now is to be alone."

He nodded and then he left me. I turned around once again and I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My face was pale and I looked tired. I started to rub my arms with my nails, just like after Voldemort raped me for the first time. Scratches and blood appeared on my body. Pain increased until a point it had never reached before. I could only moan and pant. I punched the mirror and I grabbed a piece of it in my hand, making myself bleed. I looked at the shard, wondering what I could do with it. Killing myself ? No, even if life has never been fair to me, I still valued it. Maybe that if Voldemort could feel my pain then he will stop calling me for some time. I didn't hear the footsteps coming from behind me.

"Mr Crabbe?"

I felt my body flinch but I did not turn around nor did I speak.

"Mr Crabbe?"

I looked at the shard in my hand, still wondering what I could do, what I should do. Should I slice my wrists ? Severus could heal me before I could die.

"Ilias...?"

I looked up and I saw the reflection of someone else in the mirror. Severus. I clenched my fists as the pain increased, making my body shake and screams going out of my throat. I could not think anymore as pain invaded my mind. The shard pierced the palm of my hand and droplets of blood fell on the floor.

"Severus... Please... Help me..."

I collapsed and I felt his cold hands on me. I was so tired, my body was numb.

"Don't fall asleep you stupid brat. Why didn't you come to me to tell me that he was calling you?"

"I didn't want him to rape me again..."

"When did he start calling you?"

"Four days ago..."

"I don't even know how you managed to remain sane."

"Will."

"What?"

"I used my will to resist until I couldn't resist anymore..."

"I am going to take you to my apartments. Stay conscious."

"Are you going to bring me to him...?"

"No, not tonight. You are too weak."

"Thank you..."

My mind went blank.

When I regained consciousness, I was laying in an unknown bed, under unknown covers and a hot body was pressed against mine. Panic filled me up until I realized that it was not Voldemort. The skin was pale and the hair as dark as the night. I felt no more pain. Maybe that it was a nightmare. Just a nightmare. Maybe that what happened this summer was only a bad dream. I looked at the man laying beside me and I stoke his hair, wondering who he was. The man moved, laying on his back, and I was finally able to see my companion's face. I stopped my hand in mid-air, shocked. This man who was just wearing his underwear, just like me, was one of my teachers. It was Severus Snape. I had sex with Severus Snape. And I had no memory of it. When he opened his eyes, I didn't know how I was supposed to react. I was confused and he seemed to notice it because he sat on the bed and looked directly into my eyes.

"Ilias, this is not what you think it is."

"Umbridge is going to kill us and you are going to be sacked. What have we done Severus?"

"Nothing."

"Huh?"

"After you passed out, your body went cold. I took you to my bedroom, undressed you, took off my clothes and I lay next to you to warm you up. I must have fallen asleep."

"So we didn't...?"

"No."

"But why is the pain gone?"

"I told Lucius that you were sick and that you could not come. I asked him to say it to the Dark Lord. He won't call you until the Christmas vacations."

"So no more calls during classes?"

"No, normally he won't, at least for now."

He got up and put his clothes back on before he handed me my pants. I put it on and I stood up before I stumbled and fell to the floor. Severus put me back on my feet and helped me to go to the guest's bedroom.

"Stay here for tonight."

"But what about Umbridge?"

"I will tell her the truth."

"You will do what!?"

"I will tell her that I've found you while I was on patrol. You passed out and I took you back to my apartments. As you were too weak to go back to your bedroom, I've kept you with me."

"Don't you fear that she'll think once again that we are lovers?"

"I don't care about what she thinks."

"She works for Fudge."

"Do I look like I care?"

"Hum...no."

"Now sleep, you need to rest."

"Thank you Severus."

"Do not thank me, next time he calls you, come to me immediately."

"I will."

"I have one question. Did anyone see you?"

"Only Draco, no one else. And he will never betray me."

"Then if Umbridge asks questions, we will use Draco as a witness. If he likes you, he will protect you."

"He is like a brother to me. We are like a family. No, we are a family."

"Sleep now."

"My hand..."

"I healed it. Next time, do not grab a shard so tightly."

"I will think about it. But I hope that there won't be a next time."


	5. 24th December 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve at the Malfoy Manor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More sexual abuse in this chapter. Severus finds himself in a weird situation and friends told me that it was kinda well weird for him to go through this and that it was weird for Ilias as well but I kept it because it helped me to write the rest.  
> Oh and if you want to punch Severus at some point in this chapter, rest assured, it's normal.  
> And there a lot of dialogue 'cause they talk a lot, it's a way for Ilias to sort of ignore what happens to him.

A sharp pain pierced through my arm while I was helping Severus with his potions. I looked at the red-eyed snake on my forearm then I gazed at the dark-haired wizard.

"I think that he is back Severus."

"We will finish this later."

We left the underground of the Malfoy Manor and Severus led me to a small living room. The Dark Lord was already here.

"My Lord, I brought you Ilias."

He stepped backward but Voldemort rose his hand and he stopped. I looked at Severus, surprised and scared. No one has ever stayed with us.

"Ilias, come closer. Severus, close the door."

We both did as we were asked. I stopped in front of the Dark Lord and he rose his wand.

"Severus, you as his healer should have been able to prevent the boy from being sick. You will be punished."

"Please my Lord, Severus is not at fault. I did not tell him that I was sick and I tried to cure myself. Without him, maybe that I would be dead. Please, do not hurt him my Lord when only I am guilty."

"Then you, Ilias, instead of him, will be punished. Do you understand what it means?"

"Yes my Lord, I understand."

 _"Crucio_!"

At first, the pain was not so strong but after a few minutes, I fell on my knees. Pain seemed to be running through my body, just like blood run through my veins. Everything inside of me was pain. It was as if anything but pain was unreal. He cast three other Cruciatus Curses at me, leaving me breathless on the floor. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and my nose was bleeding. Severus helped me to stand up and led me to a bed which was not there before. He helped to get on the bed and took off my clothes. I moaned and tried to get out of his reach. He reassured me and he let go of me when I finally calmed down. As he was about to leave, the Dark Lord called him back.

"Severus, stay and watch. This will be your punishment."

"But, my Lord..."

"You dare defy my orders Severus? I said stay and watch."

I saw Severus's face become pale and I looked at Voldemort.

"Please my Lord, I do not want him to watch and see..."

"You are not in a position to ask for favors, boy. Now, turn around and get on your knees so I can properly fuck you."

I sobbed and did as I was asked. He tore my body apart, breaking one of my legs. I felt him, violently, slid inside of me. I tried to hide my face with the sheets but he grabbed my hair and lifted up my head. I gave Severus a pleading look as he was just standing in front of me and I started to scream and cry because of the pain. Once again, he grabbed my hair, almost knocking me out against the headboard, before burring my head against a pillow. As pain grew stronger in my face, I found myself unable to breathe. I struggled, trying to break free, and he quickened his pace, hurting me even more. When he came inside of me, the edges of my sight were black because of the lack of oxygen. He released my almost passed out body and I was finally able to breathe.

"Severus, do not heal him. Just take away the pain. I want him to heal by himself, the muggle way. I hope that you know where you stand, both of you."

He left the room and I heard Severus coming closer. I huddled up, trying to get away from everything. I felt the mattress sink because of the weight of his body. I felt his arms around mine as I tried to protect my broken body.

"Please... Please... No more..."

I cried, unable to hold back my tears, the shaking of my body made me whimper in pain.

"Ilias, open your eyes, I won't harm you. I will never harm you."

I slowly opened my eyes and I could only see truth in those deep dark pupils. As soon as I realized that he was not here to beat me up, I relaxed in his embrace. He gave me a potion and I drank it, not even noticing its horrible taste. He covered my naked body with his dark robes, letting me discover what he was wearing under those : a white long-sleeved shirt and black trousers. He carefully lifted me up and carried me to my bedroom, or at least to the staircase where he was stopped by Lucius.

"Severus, what happened to Ilias? Everyone in the house has heard his screams."

"Believe me Lucius, you do not want to know."

"The Dark Lord?"

"Yes."

"Why are you so pale, Severus?"

"He made me watch. He almost killed him, Lucius. He will not last long at this rate."

Well, for now I am alive and I would like you to look at my wounds. He does not want you to heal me but he said that you could erase my pain."

"I already gave you painkillers."

"Well, it still hurts. And I can't move my right leg. In fact, I don't even feel it."

"It might be broken, which would explain why you can't feel it."

"I was able to move before."

"It was because of adrenalin."

"Anyway. I don't want to be rude but I don't want you to stay here, Severus. Everyone can see me."

"I am coming with you."

"No, you can't come. I do not want to have you around me when you see his wounds. Look after your son."

"You know that he is like a son to me. I have risen him as my own son because his parents never loved him."

"And yet, he is not your son. So drop it Lucius. And so you know, if it was Draco in my arms, I would not let you come with me either."

He carried me upstairs, in my bedroom and then he slowly lay me on my bed. He took off the robes which were covering me and he cleaned my body with a spell. He used another spell to see all my injuries. Judging by the look on his face, I had a lot wounds. He went to the bathroom and came back a few minutes later, shirtless. He took me in his arms once again and carried me to the bathroom. He stepped in the bath and lowered ourselves. When my body touched the water I hissed in surprise. The water was freezing cold.

"This is the only way I know to ease pain."

I moved a bit, trying to get closer to him.

"Why are you helping me? Don't tell me that you only follow Voldemort's orders because I won't believe you. He only told you to deal with my pain, not to be my personal lift nor my house elf."

"I care about you. Is that a sin?"

"No. But I don't want your care if it is pity which created it."

"It's not."

"Pity is not helping. They all pity me. But they don't see that they are only making things worst than they already are. I know that I am weak, that I am just a burden. I don't need a reminder. Their pity only make me feel even more weak."

"You are not a burden, Ilias. And you are certainly not weak. A weak man would already have killed himself."

"I have thought about this you know. Killing myself. I almost did it when you found me this night. I would have done it."

"Don't ever think about it again."

"I am just a whore Severus, you saw it."

"No, what I saw was pain. Pain and fear. Do not listen to your brother. You are not a whore. You are a beautiful young man to whom life has been unfair. You do not deserve all of this. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved."

"But who could love someone like me? Who could even think of loving me if they know what happened to me? I am dirty. Severus, I can't be loved. Who would like to live with me, forever?"

"I think there are a lot of people who would like to."

"They all want me because I look good. Why does everybody only sees me as I look and not as I am? If I was ugly, would people look at me and only see me? I never asked to be handsome. I was born and I grew up that way. There is nothing I can do about that. I want people to see me, Ilias. I don't want them to see Ilias Crabbe, the son of a Death Eater and the brother of a soon-to-be-Death Eater. I do not want them to see me as The-Boy-Who-Is-Raped-By-Voldemort. I do not want them to see me as the Slytherin boy they all want to shag. I am more than all of this. I am more than what I have lived, more than what I look like to be. I am _me_. And no one seems to see it. No one has ever looked at me and saw the true me. No one tries to see who I am. I can't be loved because it is not me that they would love."

"You should not think so much. I am sure that there are people who love you for who you are."

"Say a name."

"Fred and George Weasley."

"No, they are like brothers to me."

"Cedric Diggory?"

"No, we were just friends. He preferred girls."

"Well, I don't know, you had a lot of boyfriends."

"That's true but I doubt that any of them really loved me."

"Friendship is a sort of love."

"I only have a few true friends."

"I know and not much among the Slytherin students."

"A lot them have a problem with me being gay. They were risen by people who told them that they must marry a pure-blood witch or wizard, someone from the opposite sex, so that they can have pure-blood kids. They don't understand how I, a pure-blood wizard, can put my family's wishes aside and only think about my own happiness. Maybe that they think I am selfish."

"I do not call this selfishness. I'd rather call this cleverness or purity."

"My happiness is more important than my blood status. I don't care if my parents are happy or not, what they think about me doesn't matter. I think that being happy is more important than marrying a pure-blood witch and having pure-blood kids. I like men. I won't marry a pure-blood witch to make my parents happy. It is normal to me."

"It should be normal to everyone. It is normal that you want to be happy."

"Some people think that me being Voldemort's toy is my punishment for choosing my happiness over my duties as the heir of a pure-blood family."

"They are wrong."

"Yes, but I am tired of telling them that they are wrong. I have been doing this for four months. They won't change their mind so why should I bother telling them the same thing over and over again?

"Do you care about what they think about you?"

"No, I absolutely don't care about their opinion."

"Then ignore them, they will stop if they see that you don't react to what they say."

"Severus, have you been bullied when you were a student at Hogwarts?"

"This is none of your business."

"If I say this, it's because only you seem to understand how I feel. Why were you bullied? Because you are clever?"

"Because I was a bookworm, because I was a Slytherin, because I am ugly. There were a lot of different reasons."

"You are not ugly. As I have told you, beauty, true beauty, can't be seen with your eyes. You are not ugly to me. Severus, don't think that appearance is everything. You are beautiful to me Severus, even if you are not to yourself."

"I am a Death Eater."

"And so? Do you think that a true follower of Voldemort would treat me like you do? I don't think so. You can't foul me. I can see right through you, Severus."

"I should get you out of the bath before you catch a cold."

"You really are a member of the Order of the Phoenix, not just a spy."

He lifted me up and took me to my bedroom, helping me to sit on the bed.

"You should get some rest."

"I can't, I am invited to spend Christmas Eve with the Malfoys."

"You can't walk."

"I don't want you to spend Christmas alone so you will be my guest. And since you will come, you will be able to carry me downstairs."

"I thought that I was not your personal lift."

"I thought that I was an arrogant aristocrat."

"Then maybe that you should put some clothes on except if you want to go there naked."

"They won't mind, they changed my nappies. But I'd rather go there dressed up. I'll need your help."

He was on his knees, in front of me, helping to put my trousers on, when Draco came in.

"Ilias, dinner is...ready. Maybe that I should come back later."

His face went red and he hurried out. I looked down at Severus, puzzled.

"Do you think that he thought you were...?"

"Yes, I think so. My godson can be stupid sometimes."

He finished to help me get dressed up and he created a splint so that my broken leg would stay still. He carried me downstairs and we went in a huge living room. Lucius, Narcissa and Draco were already waiting for us. Lucius came towards us.

"Severus, Ilias. Draco said that you needed more time to get ready."

"Let's say that Draco misinterpreted something he saw."

"Can I put this brat down somewhere? He is not heavy but I have been carrying him for the whole evening."

"Are you sure that I am not too heavy for you? We can try to find another solution."

"You are not heavy at all. In fact, you are way too skinny. You should eat more. I could feel your ribs under my hands before."

"Severus, why did you have your hands on his ribs?"

"Thank you Severus, now they think that we are in a relationship. Awkward."

"It's not my fault if you need help."

"He had to bathe me. And he also had to dress me up. I can't do it."

Severus helped me to sit on a chair and we ate in silence. When the dessert arrived, I started to feel pain in my right leg. I clenched my fists. It was really painful. Severus must have seen it because he handed me a potion. I drank it. It was disgusting but at least, it was effective.

"Thank you."

"Severus, what did you give him?"

"Painkillers."

"Haven't you healed his injuries?"

"The Dark Lord asked me not to. He wants Ilias's injuries to heal by themselves. I can only help him with the pain."

"What are his injuries?"

"My right leg is broken. Yes, I am still here."

"You also have some broken ribs. I only repaired your broken nose."

"At least, thanks to you, I still look good."

Severus looked at me, in disbelief.

"What? Last time you told me that I looked like an arrogant aristocrat. Appearance is important for an aristocrat."

"It was a joke."

"Since when do you tell jokes, Severus?"

"Not you too Lucius."

"I told you, we are like a family. We always stick together."

"But we also are supposed to protect one another. Which I failed to do Ilias, I am sorry."

"You are not at fault Lucius. There was nothing you could have done and there is still nothing you can do. Even if you and Narcissa almost rose me up, you are not my parents, not legally. I know you would have refused if you were my father. You and Narcissa are good parents, unlike mine."

"There is no way I would have let him do that to you."

"I know. Severus, do you think that we can go back to the laboratory?"

"Aren't you tired?"

"No, I am fine."

"Then if you want to."

We apologized and Severus carried me downstairs. He sat me on a chair.

"What do you what to do?"

"Maybe that we could try the fireworks' potion once again."

"Are you sure that this is a good idea?"

"I already have a broken leg. I don't think it can be worst."

"Yeah, that's true."

We worked on this potion for two hours before I started to feel sleepy I yawned and he smirked at me.

"Don't tell me that you are not tired, I won't believe you. You've been staring at this empty cauldron for five minutes."

"I am wide awake, I was just thinking."

"About your bed maybe."

"If I was tired I would never think about _this_ bed."

"Because of the Dark Lord."

"Yes. I never sleep in there."

"Where do you sleep?"

"In the library, on the couch."

"Why do you sleep there?"

"I like the atmosphere. And it's calm. No one comes in at night."

"This place contains your worst memories, you should use it as a strength, as a reminder that you are stronger than he thinks you are."

"But I am not. I have never been strong. If I were strong and powerful, do you think that he would do all those things to me?"

"I have never mentioned physical strength. You have an extraordinary mental strength which is really impressive. I don't know how you manage to keep your emotions from exploding. I have never seen you cry until today. Not even after the first time."

"I do cry. But I never cry in front of people. I cry in my bed when I am alone, at night. Crying in front of someone does not help you. It makes you look weak. It makes you weak. This is the only thing my parents taught me."

"This is not true. Crying is not a weakness. Crying shows that you are human. Someone who cries is not someone who is weak. It is someone who has been strong for too long. You are holding back too much. Instead of burying your emotions, you should let them speak freely or one day you're gonna explode and it will be nasty."

"You say this but you're the “I-Have-No-Emotions” man. How many people know about your past? How many people know that you were beaten by your parents? Mainly by your father I suppose."

"And what makes you think that?"

"I have seen your scars, Severus. I have the same. I know the difference between a scar made by a belt and a scar made by a spell."

"I will take you to your bedroom."

He lifted me up and carried me to my rooms. He put me on my bed and he was about to leave when I grabbed his wrists.

"A child never deserve to be injured no matter what he did. Do you know who taught me this? Lucius. When I was five, I broke a vase. When Lucius saw it, he was angry. I was scared that he might hurt me. I tried to protect my body and I begged. He understood that my father was beating me up and he taught me that he will never hurt me. Simply because no child deserve to be abused like this. Before, I thought that it was normal to be slapped or whipped with a belt when you had done something wrong. This is also why I see Lucius as my father. Because he always acted as a father with me. You wanted to know where I learnt to cook. A house elf taught me. She was watching over me while my parents were away. My mother found out. The family of the house elf was wiped out. She killed herself a month later. When I came here and that Narcissa saw me cooking with the house elves, she let me cook. She even bathed me once because I was covered in flour. She is one of the first who saw my scars. But Lucius is the one who taught me that it was not normal. He spoke to my father. He tried to make him understand that what he was doing was wrong. The punishments got worst after this. I never said it to Lucius because I don't want him to feel guilty about this. I know your pain, Severus. I've been beaten up because I was hated more often than because I had done something wrong. Being an adult has not changed anything. The pain is just different and it's not given by the same person but it still hurts. You can talk about it. There is nothing wrong with talking about your scars. Maybe that it will open them up once again but maybe that they will heal if they do open up."

"I do not want to talk about this. My father liked to hurt me and hated me. There is nothing else to say."

"There is always more to say. Severus, you are not alone. Believe it or not, you have friends. You have people who will support you and help you."

"You know nothing about me."

He looked at me and I saw that the mask of indifference was gone. I could see his pain and his anger being reflected in his eyes. I pulled him closer and he sat on the bed. I hugged him and, even if he froze at first, he hugged me back.

"I know more about you than about myself. You know more about me than about yourself. We have the same pain, the same past. We made the same mistake, we thought that the problem was us. But it's not. We thought that we deserved the belt but we did not. We were just kids. Just kids who needed to be loved by their parents. We grew up too fast, lost too much. We were adults before even knowing what that word meant. We never had a childhood. I had the Malfoys, it's true. But they can't replace the love a child needs from his parents. Love is a word we laugh at because it doesn't have a proper meaning for us. How can we love since we don't know what it means, how it feels? Are we doomed to stay alone? Are we doomed to never know love? Is our life an endless doomsday?"

"Stop being pessimistic..."

This is what he softly whispered to my ears.

"I made a long speech and you only answer with those three words? You are hopeless Severus."

"You always speak too much."

He put his right hand on my cheek and let his thumb run on my cheekbone. He pressed his lips on mine, tenderly, and I put my arms around his neck allowing him to come closer and to deepen the kiss. I felt his tongue asking for the entrance of my mouth and I allowed him in, gladly. It didn't last long, maybe a minute, and we had to break the kiss to breathe. I saw a lot of emotions passing through his eyes and I knew what he was going to do before he even moved. He put his hands on his thighs and looked at them for a few seconds. He stood up and I saw that the mask was back.

"I shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have let me do this."

"What if I wanted to?"

"You were right. We don't know love. We only know pain. We can't give love if we don't know what it is."

"Severus, this is not what I meant..."

"But this is what it means. And I should not have done that. Not after what He did to you."

"So because of what He did, I can't live?"

"I am sorry. But we can't."

And he left me. He just left me. Alone. On my bed. Just after he kissed me like no one had ever kissed me before. He left. I tried my best to take off my clothes and I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. Sleep didn't come this night. I could not forget the feeling of his lips against mine and I spent the night touching my swollen lips. A new kind of pain appeared inside of me. A bitter and sharp pain, right inside of my stomach. It was making my lungs burn for oxygen and tears rolled down my cheeks, where his hand had been, and I let out silent sobs which sounded like choking. I huddled up and I put the pillow on my face to muffle my whines.


	6. 25th December 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Day! After an exhausting Christmas Eve, will Ilias and Severus be able to find a solution to their problem?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a small part of the chapter which is from Severus' point of view.
> 
> I just noticed that the name of the previous chapter was 24th & 25th December 1995. I had meant to post both in one chapter then I thought that it would be too long and that I needed to cut this into two parts. Guess I forgot to change the name of the chapter.   
> Also, I'm sorry for not updating for a week or so, I had a lot of work to do and I finally managed to finish it.

There was a knock on my door and Draco came in.

"Ilias, are you awake?"

"Yes, I haven't slept. Time to open the gifts?"

"Yes, Mother and Father told me to wake you up and to help you."

"Thank you, it would be great."

He went to my closet and took out some clothes. He helped me to dress up and he let me use him as a crutch so that my right leg would not touch the ground. We arrived in front of the stairs and stopped.

"I am going to look for Father, I can't help you to go down the stairs, we would fall."

"Thank you Draco."

He smiled at me and went downstairs. A few seconds later, I found myself carried by strong arms. Since it was not Lucius, it meant that it was Severus. I tried to get out of his embrace but he was too strong.

"Stop moving or you will fall."

"Put me down. Now."

"You need help."

"I do not need _your_ help, Severus."

He ignored me and he only put me down when we were in the same living room where we ate last night.

"Severus, I see that you were faster than me. I was coming to help him."

"I was coming down so I picked him up on the way down."

"You both seem tired."

"I haven't slept."

"I was in the laboratory."

"Then maybe that we should start with the breakfast."

We ate in an awkward atmosphere. No one dared to speak and we were all looking at our plates. I only drank a cup of tea and Severus saw it immediately.

"Ilias, you should eat. You know to eat in order to heal faster."

"I am not hungry."

I left the table and I went to the couch on one foot.

* * *

_POV Severus_

I watched him leave and Narcissa and Draco followed him, leaving me with Lucius.

"Severus, did something happen between you and Ilias?"

"Yes, but it is not important."

"Are you sure? Because he seems angry and sad."

"Sad? He only seems pissed off."

"This is something you learn with him. If you want to know how he feels, just look at him in the eye. This is how you know if something is wrong with him. I saw sadness in his eyes, which is way I am asking you if anything happened last night."

I let one of my hands slid in my hair.

"I kissed him."

"You what!?"

"Lower your voice Lucius."

"Tell me that I misunderstood and that you did not tell that you kissed him."

"I did, Lucius."

"And you say that it is not important ? What have you done to him? He is sad, not embarrassed."

"I left."

"Why is it that you have to be so stupid Severus? You kissed him and then you left? You hurt him by doing this. Now I understand why he did not sleep."

"It was not wise for me to kiss him. I could be his father and with everything he is going through right now..."

"This is exactly the reason why kissing him was right."

"Who are you and what have you done with Lucius Malfoy? I thought you would be angry. Isn't he like a son to you?"

"He is. And I am angry. But not because of the kiss itself. I am angry because you left him with those pathetic motives. Do you really think that he is too young for you? What about him and the Dark Lord then? He is much more older than all of us."

"There is no consent in their relationship."

"I know. But there is nothing wrong about being older than your partner."

"He can't be happy with me. There is nothing good with me. In me."

"You say."

"I say because I know."

"What I know about you is that you are stupid enough to leave a man, who has never been loved, alone just after you kissed him."

"He hates me now."

"Yes and I understand why. You should talk to him."

"And what should I say?"

"First, say that you are sorry and that you should not have left him. It will be a good start."

"It seems easy like this but how am I supposed to talk to him when he avoids me?"

"He can't walk so it should be easy. And he seems to like helping you with your potions. Ask him if he wants to help you."

"What if he says no?"

"Then as soon as he wants to go back to his bedroom, you carry him upstairs. I want him to be back to normal before the end of the day."

_End POV Severus_

* * *

I sat on the couch and I looked at the green and silver decorations on the Christmas Tree. Draco sat beside me and Narcissa left us alone, sitting far away from us.

"What happened between you and Severus? What's wrong?"

"What is wrong is that he is a bloody idiot. He is intelligent and yet so stupid."

"I don't understand what you mean, but maybe that he is scared."

"Scared about what? He has nothing to be scared of."

"He cares about you. When you are alone with the Dark Lord I can see that he is worried about you. He tries to hide it but I think everyone can see it."

"Yeah, he cares so much about me that he left after he k..."

I stopped in mid-sentence when I saw Lucius and Severus coming towards us. Lucius smiled at me.

"Let's open those gifts."

Draco gave me my gifts and we opened up the boxes. We mainly had clothes. I also had a potion book from Severus, I guess. Draco had tools for his broom. Severus was the only one among the “adults” who had a gift and he didn't seem to enjoy it. It looked like a book but I couldn't see the cover.

"Ilias, why don't you go with Severus in the laboratory to try one of those potions?"

"Father is right Ilias. And I am sure that there are a lot of interesting potions in this book."

I looked at them and sighed heavily.

"Why not. If you agree of course Severus."

"I do. I will carry downstairs."

I frowned but I let him carry me. Downstairs we made a few potions in an absolute silence. He was the one who broke the silence.

"Listen, I am sorry. I should have never left yesterday. Not after kissing you. It was wrong."

"What was wrong? Leaving me or kissing me?"

"Leaving you."

"Did Lucius ask you to apologize?"

"What if he did?"

"Do you understand what you've done wrong?"

"Not fully maybe."

"You don't kiss people out of the blue very often, do you?"

"Do I look like I am the type?"

"That's what I thought. I haven't slapped you yesterday when you kissed me, have I?"

"No."

"What do you think it means?"

"That you didn't dislike it?"

"Yes, it means that I liked it. You're an amateur but still a good kisser."

"Are you going to rate me?"

"No, I am going to show you what a kiss is."

"Really? Then I demand to see it."

"Oh no, you are going to feel it, Severus."

Severus Snape, the cold and indifferent man was flirting with me ? He was going to have a taste of his own medicine.

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and I pulled him downward until my lips were almost touching his.

"Teasing is it?"

"Tasting it will be."

I closed the gap between our lips, letting them crush against one another. I asked for the entrance of his mouth and he allowed me in, welcoming me with his own tongue. Our kiss lasted a long time even if we had to break it to gasp and breathe a bit sometimes. I felt his nails against the point where my neck meets my backbone and I dug my fingers in his hair. All those who thought that Severus's hair was greasy were all wrong. His hair was so soft that it felt like digging into silk. I broke the kiss and I looked at him, dizzy from the kiss. He let his thumb run across my lips and I kissed it, letting a soft moan coming from my mouth. He leaned towards me and kissed me once again.

"Ilias? Father wanted to...know if everything was alright."

I broke the kiss, looking at a shocked Draco. His mouth was wide open, just like his eyes, and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"Close your mouth Draco or you'll catch flies."

I smiled as he closed his mouth at my comment.

"I am sure you already saw two people kissing before."

"Yes. But I never thought that I would see you, my almost brother, and my godfather and Potion teacher kissing. In a creepy and dusty laboratory."

"Isn't exciting?"

"What about...no?"

"You almost are my brother. I am disappointed that we do not have the same opinion."

"Ilias, would you like him to have the same vision of me as you have?"

"What? No. Of course n... I hate you Severus."

I crossed my arms and I looked away.

"Draco, is he pouting?"

"Yes, he is. And I think that now you know what to do to cheer him up. And I think that I am going to leave you alone or I will continue to say cheesy things and I will have nightmares."

"Yes, I think that this is a good idea. I don't want to be harassed by your father because we shocked you."

"Did I say that my father would not hear about this?"

I looked at Draco, smiling.

"I think that he would be happy to hear about this. And he would not harass you Severus. Maybe stalk you a bit."

"And, at least, he will not kill me."

"Don't be so sure about it."

Draco looked at us and shook his head in disbelief.

"I am leaving."

He left us and I watched Severus, intensely.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking that you are a quick learner."

"A quick learner?"

"Yes, I kissed you once and when you kiss me seconds later, it looks like you've spent your life kissing. I could become used to it."

"What about Umbridge?"

"Do I look like I care?"

"We will have to act as if nothing happened at Hogwarts."

"I know."

"Do you think you will be able to do it?"

"I am a Slytherin. Aren't we masters in the art of hiding our emotions?"

"That's true."

"Let's go back to our potions! I want to try the fireworks' one again. I think that I know how to stabilize it."

"Really?"

"Yes, just watch me."

I winked and we worked on this potion until it was past lunch time.

"I think that we did it."

"Yes brat, we did it."

"I hope not. Not here at least."

We turned around, surprised, and we discovered Lucius standing at the entrance of the laboratory.

"Lucius, you scared us."

"I see that you apologized Severus."

"Next time you ask him to apologize Lucius, tell him what he did wrong."

"Well, at least, judging by what Draco told me, you two made peace with each other."

"Nice way to say that he saw us eat each other's mouths. Was he still shocked when you saw him?"

"Yes, a bit maybe. But he just said you were not killing Severus."

"It was not far from being true."

"What do you mean?"

"We were working on a new potion, a potion I asked him to help me with. It could have killed us."

"And everyone in this house."

"And you did it in my house knowing that it could blow it up?"

"Why do I have the feeling that you are not happy with us experimenting?"

"We started it at Hogwarts so we knew that it was not so dangerous."

"Severus, could this potion have blown up my house?"

"Honestly, yes but we had more chances to die than you."

"I know that you are able to risk everything just to create a potion but I would have never thought that you were like this too, Ilias."

"I like potions. I mean, really. If I could, I would like to work on potions after I graduated from Hogwarts. I want to do something I like once in my life."

"You could be a great Potion Master, you are really good with potions. And you are clever."

"Is that a compliment on my skills Severus?"

"Yes it is. Why does it seem so surprising?"

"It is rare for you to praise someone."

"I do it when the person really deserve it. You do."

"Since you two are not killing each other, I will leave you alone."

"Maybe that we could come upstairs, we finished the potion and I think that we are both hungry. Severus?"

"I won't say no to some food."


	7. 14th February 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumbledore is really interested in using Ilias' position with the Dark Lord, too much to Severus' liking. Umbridge is as annoying as ever but easily fooled. Ilias and Severus are trying to move to the next step with their relationship. Easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a lot of informations and is mainly composed of dialogues.

I was going upstairs with my crutches. Draco had come to my rooms to tell me that the Headmaster wanted to see me. I could only wonder why and hope that it was not because of my relationship with Severus. Since we came back from the Christmas holidays we have been very discreet and we barely saw each other outside classes. And when we were seeing each other, we were mainly making potions. I gave the password to the statue guarding the entrance of Dumbledore's office and I knocked at the door. I came in when I was allowed to. The Headmaster was sitting behind his desk and he showed me the chair in front of his desk. I sat down and I looked at him, a bit scared.

"Mr Crabbe, I know what you are going through since the Dark Lord has returned."

"What is it that you don't know, Headmaster?"

"I am sure that you heard about the Order of the Phoenix."

"Yes, I have."

"Since you have an important access to some informations, I thought that you would want to join the Order, as a spy."

I rolled up the sleeve covering my left arm.

"He marked me, Headmaster. I am not sure that anyone would want my help."

"He marked Severus too. And yet, he is a spy."

"I know."

"You know?"

"Some people have a sort of double personality. They have a certain way to act in front a particular situations but their behaviors when they are in public is completely different. Professor Snape is different. When he has to kill or torture someone to please the Dark Lord, I can see that he does not like it. His past actions haunt him. He has scars you can't see. He has wounds which keep bleeding. And yet, he still serves you and the Dark Lord. He keeps playing your game. I will only accept to be a spy if you agree to do one thing in exchange."

"You are very clever Mr Crabbe. Maybe a bit too clever to be a Death Eater."

"Who said that I was one ? I have no side. I only act to protect those who are important to me. Dark and Light, they mean nothing to me. We need both. We have both inside of us so why should we choose? If I have to kill someone in order to protect those I love, I will not hesitate. Even if it was you that I had to kill. I would do it."

"Honesty is a great attribute. But do you know that you could lose everything you have by becoming a spy?"

"I am not stupid. I know that if he discovers that I am a spy, he will kill me and the people I love. But I also know why you want me. I have nothing to risk except my life. I have no real family. Nothing. The less I have, the less I can lose."

"So do you agree?"

"Did you forget the thing I want in exchange?"

"I have not. What do you want?"

"Go easy on Severus. You think that you know him but you don't. You think that he is stronger than he actually is. His soul is already darkened by his past. His heart is sinking into darkness and I fear that one day, no one will be able to show him the light. He only sees death and loss. Leave him be, let him live. I don't want to see him hurt anymore. I don't want him to become crazy just like Bellatrix. I... I don't want him to become a monster. Please, if you want me to be your spy then I will. But stop using him like you do. At least, don't let him being hurt. His wounds are always hard to heal. I don't want him to be an empty shell."

"I see that you care a lot about Professor Snape. I can't promise you that I will be able to “go easy” on him. He is our best man, I am sure that you know this. But I will do my best to respect this. Mr Crabbe, what would you give me in exchange."

"By becoming your spy, I put my life in your hands. I have nothing more to give. I have nothing else."

"You have Severus."

"If only. Am I free to leave your office, Headmaster? Someone is waiting for me."

"Yes, and I believe that he already is in the prefects' bathroom."

"Once again, is there something that you do not know?"

"There are several things that I don't know. But you seem to know more than me."

"Knowledge is not everything. Only a fool would think that an absolute knowledge would lead to an overwhelming victory."

"I sometimes wonder how does the Sorting Hat chooses where to put the new students."

"The Sorting Hat is a powerful artifact. He can see deep inside of us. He can unveil truths we had no idea where there. But he does not choose our house, we choose what we think is the best for us. I chose to be a Slytherin. From this point, I chose what my life would be. My choice was made out of fear but I am proud to show that the Slytherin House does not only host killers or Death Eaters. No wizard is born good or bad. We become what we want to be. Magic is beyond these ideas of Good and Bad. Magic is pure. It is our intents which taint her. No wizard can say that his magic is pure or that his magic is white. Our magic is gray. It will always be this way. Even you, your magic is not white. Your magic is even darker than mine."

"Can you see it?"

"Yes, I can."

"How is my magic?"

"Dark. A dark gray. Your magic is darker than Severus's magic."

"How is Severus's magic?"

"It is getting darker every day. But there is light. There is light inside of him."

There was a long silence. I stepped out of the sort of trance I was in.

"Headmaster? What happened?"

"You are an interesting man, Mr Crabbe."

He got up and he went to a small closet. He came towards me and he handed me two small vials.

"Do you know what is in them?"

"Phoenix tears. But why? And why two vials?"

"You are right, maybe that I ask too much to Severus. There will be a time when those vials will be useful. But you must only use the Phoenix tears when if you don't you will die."

"Why are you giving me two vials? One would have been enough. Cheating death is never good. We are no gods."

"Give it to someone who matters to you, to someone you do not want to see dead. Cheating death alone is no fun."

"I suppose that I should thank you."

"I am the one who thank you. You are wiser than any of the witches and wizards I have met before."

I put the vials in my pocket and I left, still using my crutches. I went to the prefects' bathroom. No one was here. It was weird since I had left a note to Severus saying to meet me here and Dumbledore had told me that Severus was already waiting for me. I sat down on the floor and I took off my shirt. I heard footsteps and I turned around, wand in hand, ready to fight. I looked at the person in front of me, surprised.

"Professor Umbridge?"

"Mr Crabbe. I saw you coming out of the Headmaster's office."

"Yes, he wanted to see me."

"And may I know why?"

"We talked about my leg. Since I am slower than before, I can barely patrol. He also asked me if I was healing."

"I am sure that you know you can fix your leg with simple spells."

"I could but the Professor Snape thinks that it would not be wise."

"Speaking of him, I saw him coming here. Have you seen him? I need to talk to him."

"I saw him this morning but not since then, I am sorry. And I don't know why he would come here. Those are, after all, the prefects' bathroom."

"Yes, you are right. Good evening Mr Crabbe."

She left me alone and I undid my splint before taking my pants off. I slid in the water and I swam a bit, mainly thanks to my arms. Severus had told me that swimming would help me to heal faster and that I would not lose my muscles. Once again, I heard footsteps. I did not turn around this time. I knew who it was. I heard the person enter the huge bath and swim across the pool to reach me. I turned around and he grabbed the edges of the bathtub on each side of my body so that he could face me easily.

"Professor Snape? What a surprise. What brings you here?"

"Why are you so late?"

"Dumbledore wanted to see me."

"Why?"

"I don't think that it would be wise to talk about this here."

"Yes, you are right."

"Where were you?"

"I had to hide, Umbridge saw me."

"I know, I told her that you were not here."

"I locked the door so she won't come in."

"So you locked me in? With you?"

"Yes, it seems that you are stuck here with me. Are you against this thought? Do you fear that Umbridge would find a way in?"

"Do I look like care about this frog? You sure know how to ruin the mood Severus."

"Really? How can I make it up to you?"

"First, stop using your mouth to talk. And you think too much."

He leaned against me, blocking my body between him and the edge of the bathtub.

"How do you want me to use my mouth?"

"Severus, is it really you?"

"Yes, why?"

"It does not look like something you would say. I mean... You've never been so...straightforward."

"I don't know how to act around you so I'm improvising. If you don't like it then I will stop."

"This is not what I meant. I like it. I just feared that it was not you. The twins sure know how to trick me."

I wrapped my legs around his waist, drawing him closer to me, and I put my arms around his neck.

"So no one will come?"

"No one."

I kissed him but he was the one who took control of the kiss, dominating me. One of his hand went on my torso and, slowly, went on my nipples, twisting them. He drank my moans and I soon had to break the kiss to breathe. He let his lips slid on my neck and he bit my left shoulder, not hard enough to make it bleed but enough to leave a mark. He made me sit on the edge of the bathtub and he took my left nipple between his teeth and I found myself drowning inside of his eyes as he looked at me with a predatory look. He turned me into a moaning mess and I bent my head backward. I let my hands slide onto his wet hair and I grabbed the back of his head to make him look up. I dove to catch his lips, starting a breathtaking kiss which left us panting. He let his hands go downward, between my legs, and I suddenly grabbed his wrists, feeling a strong panic filling me up. I was shaking but not because of arousal. I was shaking because of fear. I was scared. Memories of those nights and days I was forced to spend with Voldemort filled up my mind. I closed my eyes and I tried to focus on my breathing which was erratic. I leaned forward and I pressed my head against his shoulder. He slowly stoke my hair and kissed my temple. Tears were running down my cheeks at the thought that what Voldemort was doing to me was making me unable to have a normal life.

"I am sorry... I can't... I can't go further..."

"Calm down, it's not your fault."

"I want to, really, but I can't... I am scared..."

"I know but it will be okay. You will be okay. I will not let you down. I told you, I will never harm you. It will take time but it will be fine. I am not leaving you alone, unless you want to."

"Thank you. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Wanking."

"George Weasley, get out of this body."

I laughed and he helped me to get out of the bathtub. He dried my body and then his with a spell. We put our clothes back on and he sat against the wall. I settled between his legs and I let me head rest against his chest.

"There is something that Dumbledore gave to me. I think that I know why."

"What is it?"

"Phoenix Tears."

"Really?"

"Yes, he gave me two vials. One is for me and he told me to give the other to someone who matters to me, someone that I don't want to see dying or dead."

I took one of the vials in my hand and I gave it to him.

"Take it. I want you to have it."

"Are you sure? You could give it to Lucius, Narcissa or Draco."

"They can protect each other. And I know they will. But who will protect you? I want you to have it. Keep it for yourself and only use it if it is your last resort before death."

"I can protect myself."

"I want to do something for you, to be useful. I want to help you and not just with your potions. I want to be with you just like you are with me. I want to be here for you, to help you, to support you, to heal you."

"I am not doing half of these for you."

"This is what you think but you help much more than you think. What helps me to get up every morning is the thought that I am not alone. You are always here with me. For me. But no one is here for you. I want to be this person. I want to be here for you. Because you matter to me."

He looked at the vial and I used a cloth to create two ties. I created two necklaces and I put one around Severus's neck and the other around mine. He touched the vial and I put my hand on his.

"Only us will be able to see the necklaces."

"How can you be so sure about that?"

"Because I know."

"You didn't say any spell."

"Do spells need to be spoken, Professor?"

"Not always but an Invisibility Charm is powerful. To use it twice without saying a word is impressive for a student. Even for a seventh year."

"I said that I was not strong, not that I had no power."

"I would not be surprised if you were an Animagus without even knowing it."

"Maybe that you could try to teach me."

"I am not an Animagus but I can try if you want to. Who knows how much power is hidden in this tall but skinny body."

"Dumbledore said that I was interesting."

"He said so?"

I saw a glimpse of fear in his eyes and I wondered why he was scared about the thought that Dumbledore found me interesting.

"I will help you to go back to your rooms. You're still shaking."

"Thank you."

He put my splint around my leg and helped to stand up. I took my crutches in one hand and he unlocked the door. As soon as we were out of the bathroom, we found a woman dressed in pink just in front of us. Umbridge.

"Severus, Mr Crabbe. What a surprise to see you. Together."

"Pro..."

"Dolores. As you can see, Mr Crabbe has some difficulties to walk."

"Ah, yes, his _broken_ leg."

"Someone locked him up in the bathroom. His brother maybe. Since this door is never locked, I went in and I found him."

"How fortunate he is. Why did you have to unlock the door to get out then?"

"He was in the bathtub. I helped him to get out of the water and to put his splint on."

"How kind of you Severus."

"In fact, if the Professor Snape had to help me, it is because I slipped and I fell on my broken leg."

"Really?"

"Yes, I need him to look at the wound. If think that it's bleeding."

She seemed surprised and she looked at me.

"It seems that it is true. You should take him to Madame Pomfrey."

"I can take care of him."

We left her in the middle of the corridor and Severus ended up carrying me to my apartments. He sat me on the couch and started to undo my pants. I stopped him.

"You're bleeding."

"No, I'm not."

"But..."

"I used a spell to taint my pants. I saw that she was not believing you so I improvised something."

I gave him a light kiss and I stood up, using my crutches to move. I went to the kitchen and I looked at him. He was still in front of the couch, kneeling.

"Do you want to eat something?"

He blinked and then he came to me.

"Do you think that I am going to let you cook with a broken leg?"

"I can do it."

"I don't want you to break your other leg or one of your arms."

"But what am I going to do if I can't cook?"

"Rest? Draw?"

"I like to cook."

"You like to draw too."

I looked at him, clearly pouting. He smirked and he grabbed my nose between two of his fingers. I kept my mouth shut until I really had to breathe and he let go of my nose before giving me a toe-curling kiss which sent shivers to my spine. He sure was learning fast. I broke the kiss as I needed to breathe and I smiled at him, pushing him a bit so he would not try to make me forget my name with one of his kisses once again.

"Slow down cowboy."

"Cowboy?"

"Shush. You want to cook then cook. You convinced me to leave you the kitchen for tonight."

"It was easier than I thought it would be."

"Be careful, I don't need to use my wand or my tongue to cast a spell on you."

I lay on the couch and I closed my eyes. Severus woke me up when dinner was ready.

"You really were tired. You fell asleep as soon as you closed your eyes."

"I was. But I feel safe with you that's maybe why I fell asleep so fast."

"What do you mean?"

"I never have fell asleep when someone was with me."

"Not even with your former boyfriends?"

"None made it here. And they were not really my boyfriends. We were only...snogging. It was completely different. It feels different. Are you jealous?"

"No, just concerned."

"You are jealous."

"And what if I am?"

"I like it."

"Huh?"

"Yes, it shows that you care about me. It's kinda cute."

"Cute? I am not cute."

"You're such a cutie pie, I could eat you all up."

"Cutie pie? Seriously? Go to hell Ilias."

"Oh, is my cutie grumpy? You should eat carrots, people say that it can turn a grumpy cutie to a kind cutie."

"Shut up."

I was about to go on when he kissed me, making me stop talking. He broke the kiss when he was sure that I will not continue to say stupid things to annoy him.

"Be careful Severus, I could become used to you kissing me like this. I could even annoy you just to be kissed."

"I know other ways to make you stay silent."

He stuffed the fork inside of my mouth and I had to swallow everything to be able to talk again.

"You're a great cook. But I am the chef."

"Does it mean that you approve of my cooking skills?"

"Definitely. But as soon as my leg is healed, the kitchen is mine."

We sat on the couch and we ate, silently, at first.

"So why did Dumbledore want to see you?"

"He asked me to become a spy."

"He what? I hope you said no, this is too dangerous."

"You know me."

"You said yes. Do you have any idea of how dangerous this is? If the Dark Lord finds out, he will kill you."

"I don't care about the snake. I care about you. If we are two, it will be safer for you."

"I didn't ask you to do this. If I do this it is because I made mistakes and I need to repair them as I can. You can't help me with this. Tell Dumbledore that you don't want to be a spy anymore."

"I will not do such a thing. Don't you understand? I have nothing to lose."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either, which is why I said yes. I don't want to stand in a corner and watch everybody fight and die. I will not watch you die. I will fight for what I believe in. I will stand by your side. Even if you don't want me to. It is too late to protect me. If he uses me then I will use him. I can't let him win. If he wins, then I'd better die. If he wins, he won't have to fight anymore and he'll be able to use me as much as he wants. I can't let him win this war Severus, not if I want to live. And I wish to live Severus. To live a happy and normal life with the man I want to be with. This is the only way. Maybe that I will die, maybe that I won't. But if I don't fight, I won't be able to live normally. I have to do this. I have to end it. This is my choice to make, Severus, and I chose on which side I want to act on."

"There is no going back then?"

"No, no going back. I've made my mind. I will be a spy."


	8. 19th April 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias tries to learn how to perform the Patronus Charm with Dumbledore's Army, it doesn't work out the way he hoped for. He learns some things about the spell from Severus. Umbridge discovers the existence of Dumbledore's Army and punishes its members. Ilias also teaches something to Severus about Hogwarts.

I was in the Room of Requirement with the other members of Dumbledore's Army. My leg was almost completely healed so I could do everything, like the duels. Today Potter said that we would be trying to perform the Patronus Charm. The Patronus, a spell that no Death Eater could achieve. I was stressed. They were almost all thinking that I was a Death Eater. I could not fail. When we were practicing, I was always going with Fred, George, Ginny, Neville or Luna. They were the only one who seemed to trust me. Even the Golden Trio seemed to have doubts about me. If only they knew that I was their new spy. I stayed with the twins and I tried to focus on a very happy memory. It was hard to find one for me. I thought about Severus but thinking about him made me think about Voldemort and memories with the Dark Lord were anything but happy. I started to hear some whispers around me. As I was failing, people were thinking that I was a Death Eater. I looked at them and I could see disgust in their eyes. The twins were kind of protecting me but I already had lost all my confidence. I looked at Potter, trying to find some support, but he was helping Neville. I watched those who were defying me and I smirked at them.

"I may be a Slytherin but I am not a Death Eater. He is back and you will soon see that the first impression is not always the good one. You think that you are ready but you are still kids. You need to grow up and to use your brain before thinking about fighting him. Remember this, united we stand, divided we fall. And if we fall, we fail and we die."

I stormed out of the room and I ran into someone.

"Sorry."

"Ilias?"

I looked up and I saw that Severus was just in front of me.

"Severus? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. You seem angry."

"It's nothing, I am just tired."

"Is there something you wish to tell me?"

"Why can't I produce a Patronus? I am not a Death Eater."

"Let's go to your rooms."

I led him to my rooms and we sat on my couch.

"Producing a Patronus is not easy."

"Can you?"

"...Yes."

"I knew you were not really a Death Eater."

"You must not tell it to anyone."

"It will be our secret."

"As if we didn't have enough secrets."

"We are a secret in a way."

"This is true. Now, focus. breathe slowly, try to be calm."

"What do I do now?"

"Think about the happiest memory you have."

I focused on memories of Severus, trying to think only about him. I thought about the feeling of happiness which was boiling inside of me when we were just the two of us. But the shadow of Voldemort was always here, hidden in the shadows.

"Forget him Ilias. He is not your happiness. Look deeper. Look inside of your memories."

I put the memories of Voldemort in a mental box, concealing them, and I thought about Severus and I, the couple like moments we had together. I let happiness fill me up.

_"Expecto Patronum_."

I opened my eyes and I saw a blue stag walking in my living room.

"I did it Severus!"

"I can see it."

"Hide your joy."

I looked at him and I saw that he had cast his Patronus too. It was a doe. My stag came closer and stopped in front of the doe.

"Severus, what is going on?"

"I don't know."

"It must mean something that your Patronus is a doe and mine is a stag. It has to mean something."

"Maybe but I don't know what it is."

There was a knock on the door of the entrance of my rooms. Both Patronuses disappeared.

"Mr Crabbe, I know you are here."

"Umbridge. Severus, hide in my bedroom. She must not see you."

He went to my bedroom and I opened the door.

"Professor Umbridge."

"Mr Crabbe, is this your name on this list?"

"I believe it is Professor. Unless there is another student called Ilias Crabbe in this school."

"Are you a member of Dumbledore's Army?"

"If you are talking about the group of students who tries to gain some _real_ knowledge about Defense Against the Dark Arts then yes, I am a member of Dumbledore's Army."

"Are you saying that I am not doing my job?"

"No, I am simply wondering what is really your job. You do not teach us how to defend ourselves. In one year I have learnt more in Divination classes than in your classes. Are you here to teach us something or are you just here so that the Ministry can take control of Hogwarts? You have no idea of what is going on under your nose right now. No one will let you take control of this school. You will fail."

"Follow me Mr Crabbe."

"It will be with great pleasure, Professor."

Her face flushed red with anger as she turned around. I walked behind her, my hands resting inside of the pockets of my pants.

"Ilias, what are you doing?"

I turned my head to my right and I discovered Draco.

"I'm showing-off like a peacock. Look at the other students around us. If you are a respected student and that you show pride as you are about to be punished for something you did then they will be impressed and some of them will also rebel."

"I thought that they were impressed because you are way taller than her."

"Twice her height I'd say."

"Seriously Ilias, you are going to be expelled."

"I won't. She feels threatened which is why she is going to keep me close and to keep an eye on me. She knows I am clever. She'll think that there is something bigger under this."

"And is there?"

"I have no idea. But it's funny to feel her panic."

She stopped in front of her office and opened the door.

"What are you waiting for? Get in."

"Ladies first."

She went inside and I followed her, closing the door behind me. She sat on the chair behind her desk and she looked at me.

"What are you waiting for to sit down? An invitation maybe?"

"Yes since I am a polite gentleman, Professor."

"Sit down."

I sat in front of her on a chair, on the other side of her desk.

"You are not the Head Boy of the Slytherin House anymore."

"Excuse me but I believe that the Head Boy is chosen by the Headmaster and the Head of House. Since you are none, you can't make this decision. It is not up to you."

"I am sure that Professor Snape will agree."

"I doubt it."

"Really? And what makes you think this?"

"He needs me to take care of the other students of the Slytherin House."

"You can be easily replaced."

"You think so? Try to find someone who will agree to spend his free time helping all the students of his house. Try to find someone who will be able to bear the first years when they come to you every day because older students have hidden their belongings. Try to find someone who will agree to comfort all the girls of his house because the boy they love don't love them back. Try to find someone who will teach every student of his house how to have sex, safely. Try to find someone who will agree to do all of these stuffs and then, you can tell me that I can be easily replaced. Why do you think that Head Boys or Girls havz often been prefects before?"

"I am sure that I can find someone."

"You don't believe me? Ask to Professor Snape."

"What is it that she should ask me?" Asked the low voice of Severus, just behind me.

"If you can find someone else to become the Head Boy."

"Why should I look for someone else?"

"He was a member of a forbidden association."

"We were practicing."

"This is why your association was called Dumbledore's _Army_?"

"Don't blame me. Potter chose the name, I just signed in."

"Nonetheless you will be punished just like he will be. Severus, can you find someone to become the new Head Boy of your House?"

"No, I can't."

"Excuse me?"

"You asked me if I could find someone else. I can't. I have been the Head of the Slytherin House for nearly fifteen year and yet, I have never seen someone as skilled as he is. He is top of the class in every subject and he manages to help every student who asks him something. He is the best I have and I will not take someone else because he did a mistake. He takes his job seriously, no one is better than he is. You can ask the other teachers, they will say exactly the same thing. Mr Crabbe is an excellent student."

"He still will be punished."

"As he is a member of my..."

"Do not worry about his punishment Severus, I will take care of it. Mr Crabbe, come with me. Your friends are waiting for us."

We stood up and I discreetly smiled at Severus. We left, leaving Severus behind us, and we went to the Great Hall. All the other members of Dumbledore's Army were here. I walked to the twins.

"Ilias, where were you? How did she find you?"

"I was in my rooms. Who betrayed us?"

"Marietta Edgecombe, a Ravenclaw."

"Does Snape know about you and Dumbledore's Army?"

"Yes, he tried to protect me but this toad is worst than a Grindylow. At least, I am not gonna be expelled and I didn't lose my Head Boy's crown."

I winked at them and Umbridge made us come in. I looked around me and I saw that there were desks with quills and parchments.

"Black Quills. If she wants us to remember this punishment, she will have a lot on her plate."

"And I know a black-haired wizard who will not be happy to know that his little Slytherin boy was tortured."

"Yes indeed, brother. He is gonna be mad at her."

"Shut up you two. And how do you know about this anyway?"

"The way he looks at you."

"He is always protecting you."

"He is always with you."

"Like in the prefects' bathroom."

"Merlin's beard... Please stop it, this is embarrassing. We've been careful."

"Not enough for us not to notice it."

"Silence!"

We sat behind a desk and we wrote with the Black Quills during at least two hours. At the end, I could barely move my right hand. I went back to my rooms and I directly went in my bathroom to take a shower. I put my underwear on and I went to the kitchen, a towel on my shoulders and my hair dripping wet. I felt a hand suddenly resting on my flat stomach and I turned around to find Severus.

"Dumbledore's Army?"

"They needed at least one Slytherin, I volunteered."

"How kind of you."

"So I am the best student you have to be the Head Boy?"

"It's true, you are the best Head Boy I have ever seen. Minerva told me more than once that she wished you were a Gryffindor."

"Red and gold are not my favorite colors."

"I'll tell her next time."

"Do you want some tea? I was about to make some."

"Yes, please."

I grabbed two mugs but the one I had in my right hand immediately fell and crashed on the floor.

"Fuck..."

"You are not clumsy. What happened to your hand?"

I used my healthy hand to repair the broken mug.

"Umbridge's punishment happened to my hand. She made us use her Black Quills."

"Show me your hand."

I rose my right hand and he gently took it into his. I will always have a scar, it was more than certain. The wound was not really deep but it looked pretty bad.

"I am going to kill her. She can't torture students like this."

"Do you want to kill her because she tortured me or because she tortures a lot of students?"

"...Because she tortured you."

"The twins were right then."

"The twins? You told them? And about what were they right?"

"They found out by themselves. And they told me that you would be mad at Umbridge because of the Black Quills."

"Well, yes, they were right."

"You can't always protect me."

"I can try. At least when you are here."

"Stop being overprotective."

I gave him a light kiss on his left cheek and I made tea, only using my left hand. Severus stayed behind me, helping me when I needed a hand. We sat on the couch to drink it.

"Fudge tried to arrest Dumbledore."

"Really?"

"Yes, he brought two aurors. Shacklebolt and Dawlish. Umbridge was there too."

"I suppose they were unsuccessful."

"Your supposition is correct."

"And I suppose that tomorrow we are going to discover that Umbridge is the new Headmistress of Hogwarts. This is better than what I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"She is going to think that she is powerful, that she can do whatever she wants."

"She will be able to do whatever she wants."

"Nope. She won't be able to make any big decisions. Hogwarts won't allow her to."

"Hogwarts is just a castle."

"Really Severus? I thought that you would know that."

"What?"

"Hogwarts is not just a castle or a school. It was built with magic. Hogwarts has a sort of soul. Who do you think decide to move the stairs?"

"I don't know, I have never thought about this."

"Hogwarts created this apartment as well as yours. Every room of this castle was created by Hogwarts."

"How do you know all those things?"

"I have read a lot of books about this castle. The heart of Hogwarts' magic is supposed to be the Room of Requirements."

"Why?"

"I told you, every room has been created by Hogwarts. If you are far from the heart of the castle, your room will barely change. The closer you are, the more it will change. The heart is always changing. There is no proof about this but a lot of people believe in this. I do believe that this is true. When Umbridge has discovered the Room of Requirements, she attacked it to get inside."

"So she attacked Hogwarts and the castle is going to feel threaten by her presence."

"Exactly."

"This is brilliant."

"No, this is magic."

I smiled and I put my empty mug on the table in front of us.

"The problem with Umbridge becoming the Headmistress is that she is going to keep an eye on us. She still thinks that we are lover."

"Except that this time, she is right."

"Yes, it's true. But we will have to be careful. If we want to see each other often, we will have to think of reasons why we have to see each other in private. You can't say that you need to see me because of my leg now that it's healed. The only excuse left is the fact that I am the Head Boy and you are the Head of my House."

"We could also use that Dumbledore's Army thing."

"What do you mean?"

"If there is someone watching you, a teacher with you, you won't be able to go back with the other members without us knowing it."

"It's too complicated and she does not trust you completely. She could start watching you too. I think that she has already started to."

"You mean, she knows I am here."

"I think she does, yes."

"When you will get out, try to look angry at me and say something mean to me."

"Why?"

"It will look less suspicious."

"If you think so."

"I do."

"Do you want me to cut your hair? It looks odd."

"Yeah, if you want to."

He cut my hair, just like after it burnt. He stayed a bit longer and we ate together before he left. When he opened the door, he looked at me and he seemed angry. I wondered what I had done wrong and then I remembered our plan so I looked at the ground, pitifully.

"If something like this happens ever again, I will put you in detention with Filch for the rest of the year. I am very disappointed by your behavior. Until the term, you will spend all your free time left with me. You will help me with my potions. You will only see your friends during the meals."

"Yes, Professor. I am sorry."

"I hope you are."

He left and I closed the door behind him. I grinned and I went to bed, tired after this long day.


	9. 17th June 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias and Severus take the plunge in their relation. But because of Ilias' status and how he sees himself threatens to damage their relationship.

I was looking at the window of my apartment when the door of the entrance was opened. When I saw Severus, I immediately thought that something was wrong. Since I had been punished for being a member of Dumbledore's Army we barely saw each other. So it was kind of weird to see him here.

"Severus? What's going on?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you."

"But what about Umbridge?"

"Her time is over."

"What do you mean?"

"You could have told me that the potion for the fireworks was for the twins."

"You would have refused to help me."

"That's true. I am glad you said nothing then."

"What? I don't understand."

"Look at the window, in the courtyard."

I heard explosions but I still did as I was asked. A few seconds later, the twins appeared, flying on their brooms, followed by dozens of students and some teachers. We looked a bit at the fireworks and I turned around, looking at Severus. His lips were twitching, as if he was trying not to smile but his eyes were showing his amusement and his satisfaction. I leaned in and I kissed him, slowly. He broke the kiss and he looked at me.

"What was that for?"

"Do I need a reason to kiss you?"

"It often means that you want something."

"I just wanted to. Because, yeah, I want something."

"Told you..."

"I want you."

He seemed surprised and I kissed once again, more passionately. He put his hands on the back of my head and he deepened the kiss. Then he grabbed hips and made me sit on the dresser. He took off my shirt and he fondled my chest. I started to unbutton his robes. As it was to hard to undo and mainly too slow, I used magic to strip him. He undid my pants and I made it disappear, eager to go on. There was a knock on the window and I saw George's face behind the window. I blushed as he winked and I closed the curtains. I looked back at Severus and I saw lust glowing in his eyes. I wrapped my legs around his waist and I put my arms around his neck.

"Ilias, are you sure?"

"I told you, I want you."

"You can still say no, I won't be crossed with you."

"I won't say no, I am ready and I want it, I want you. Now stop talking and take me to bed."

He put his hands on my ass and he walked in my bedroom, still holding me. He put me on my bed and he took off my underwear. Since he was already naked he lay on the top of my body and he kissed me. He let his hands slid on my body and he soon reached my cock. He slid his thumb on the top of it and it sent waves of pleasure through my whole body.

"You're sensitive."

"Shut up...!"

He kissed me and I allowed his tongue in my mouth, curling mine around his. He stroked my cock and he drank my moans. He let go of my cock and mouth, nipping my neck. His hands fondled my thighs and he slowly rose my legs. He poke my arsehole and I froze a bit, tensing up. He looked at me, waiting for my approval. I closed my eyes and, and I did as I did to cast a Patronus. I put all my bad memories, those which were preventing me from being happy, – my past, my childhood, Voldemort – I locked up all those things in a corner of my mind. When I opened my eyes, Severus was still looking at me, worried and waiting. I straightened up and I smiled at him before I kissed him. I pulled him closer and made him feel that I was ready. I slid my forefinger between our lips, breaking the kiss and I lay back on the bed. A jar suddenly appeared in one of his hands and he put his fingers inside before sliding one inside of me. It felt weird. It did not hurt, not really, but it felt inconfortable. The finger moved slowly and soon, I could barely feel it. He added a second finger and I felt a light pain which quickly dissapeared. He brushed against something which made me feel weird and good at the same time, it was as if I was melting in his embrace.

"Holy shit!"

"Language."

"You say with two fingers in my ass."

He touched that spot once again and I let out a soft moan.

"What's this?"

"Your prostate."

"It feels good when you're touching it..."

"Which is why I keep trying to reach it."

With this he started stretching me even more, touching my prostate from time to time. He added a third finger which caused some pain but like for the second one, pain didn't last. He moved them a bit, torturing my prostate and before taking them out, making me whimper at the loss.

"Shush brat."

I looked him and I saw that he was using the content of the jar on his cock. I gulped when I realized the size of it. Severus slid one hand in my hair and he caressed it, gently.

"Don't worry, I am gonna be gentle."

I looked at him and I thought that I was really seeing him for the first time. The mask was completely gone and I could see all his emotions. Tenderness, lust, need. They were all shining in his eyes, making them brighter than ever. I smiled and I felt tears running on my cheeks. He looked concerned and I made him lean down on me.

"You are so beautiful... I am so lucky..."

He seemed surprised and I kissed him, a slow and loving kiss. It lasted a few seconds but we both felt dizzy after it. I let my right thumb slid across his left cheek and I whispered softy in his ear :

"I am ready."

He kissed my forehead and I felt something sliding inside of me. Unlike what I thought, it did not really hurt, maybe a bit at the beginning but pain quickly became pleasure. He started to move, slowly, and I followed his pace, moving my hips in rhythm. He quickened his movements and he was soon thrusting against my prostate, making me see stars. I bent my head backward and I moaned and screamed my pleasure. It soon was too much and we both came, kissing during our orgasm, drinking the screams of the other and eating each other's lips.

* * *

_POV Severus_

I let my cock slid out of his body and I opened my eyes when I was breathing normally. Ilias's eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. He was already asleep. I kissed his forehead and I brushed his hair to scrutinize his face. I was the lucky one. I lay beside him and I soon felt his arms around my chest. His hair was so messed up that he looked devilish. There was a knock on the door of the entrance and I stood up, freeing my body from Ilias's embrace. I closed the door of the bedroom and I put my clothes on. I put Ilias's clothes away, in his closet, and I opened the door. It was Draco.

"If you want to see Ilias..."

"No, I was looking for you. The Weasley twins told me you would there."

"What do you want?"

"Me? Nothing. Professor Umbridge wants to see you. I think that said something about Veritaserum."

"She used everything I had."

"Well, she still wants to see you. But first you should arrange your hair. Anyone would know what you have done just before. Where is Ilias?"

"Sleeping."

"Maybe that you should leave him a note."

"It won't take long."

I arranged my hair so it would look normal and I followed Draco, closing the door behind me. Draco led me to Umbridge's office and I saw that Granger, Potter, two Weasley and Longbottom where here, restrained by some of my Slytherin students.

"Severus, here you are."

"Headmistress."

"Have you brought the Veritaserum?"

"You used everything I had to interrogate the students. It would take me a month to brew more. But if you wish to poison him, I would be delighted to help you."

"He's got Padfoot! He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden!"

"What is Padfoot? Where what is hidden? What is he talking about Severus?"

"No idea."

And I left. I needed to check with the other members of the Order if it was true. Black was stupid but not stupid enough to be trapped so easily. I tried to contact them with the Floo Network in my apartments but I could not reach them. I decided to go to 12 Grimmauld Place but no one except the house elf was here. I left a note and I went back to Hogwarts, still through the Floo Network, and I waited in my rooms. Two hours later, Draco knocked on the door of my apartments to tell me that Potter and his friends had escaped from Umbridge's office. A few minutes after he left, I received a call from a member of the Order and I went back to the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. I told them everything I knew. Sirius, who had not been captured, took four members of the Order. I stayed at the headquarters until they came back to find out that Black had been killed by his cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange.

When I went back to Hogwarts, it was late, maybe around midnight. I thought about Ilias. Draco was right, I should have left him a note. I decided to go to his rooms, he might be awake. When I walked in, everything was dark, I could not even see where my feet were.

_End POV Severus_

* * *

When I heard him come in, I waited a bit before I turned the light on. He watched him blink at the sudden burst of light. When he saw me, he seemed worried. He'd better be. I knew how I looked like. He could see in my eyes that I was angry and hurt.

"What are you doing here Severus? Are you here for a second round?"

"There has been a problem with the Order."

"Do I look like I care? Do you know what I felt when I woke up, all alone? You could have left a note. Or maybe that I am nothing more than an ass to shag. Is that it?"

"No, you're not."

"I trusted you Severus. I really did. I thought you were different. But you are just like the others. Once you had fun, you throw me away. Are you happy to be the only one to have fucked The-Boy-Everyone-Wants-To-Fuck? Did it feel good?"

"Ilias, it's a mistake. I don't see you like this."

"So were back to that mistake thing? Don't worry, I am the one who made a mistake. I should have never trusted you. Don't worry, I am not going to make this mistake. Not ever again. Now, please, leave me alone."

"If you could just listen to what I have to say before playing the victim..."

I stood up and my magic made him go backwards, trapping against the wall. I walked up to him and I filled the void between us with my wand.

"Don't you think that I can “play the victim”? I put all my trust inside of your hands. Everything good I had inside of me, I gave it all to you. What tells me that you were not out there with someone else? How can I be sure that you were not with someone else? I trusted you Severus! But I was a fool to do so... You disappeared! I had only you and you dissapeared just after we had sex!"

"Ilias..."

"No one had ever made me feel alive like you did. I had never felt this way for anyone. But you left me all alone, as if nothing had ever happened. I felt betrayed. I _feel_ betrayed, lost and more alone than ever."

I leaned my head against the wall, just above his head.

"Please Severus, leave before I make another choice I will regret..."

"As you wish."

I could hear anger and pain in his voice but I was too overwhelmed with my emotions to really notice it. He left me and I let my magic go wild. Glasses and windows exploded throughout the living room and the kitchen. I sat on the floor, against the wall, and I cried until, exhausted, I fell asleep.


	10. 18th & 25th & 26th June 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias deals with the aftermath of his fight with Severus. Can their relation be mended? He also learns what happened at the Ministry.

I woke up to a knock on my door. I was laying on the cold floor, half naked. I stood up and I opened the door, hoping that it was not Severus. It was Draco.

"Ilias, you look awful."

"Thank you."

"Is Severus with you?"

"Why would he be with me?"

"Well... I thought that you were sort of dating him. Did something happen between the two of you?"

"I thought we were too. It seems like he just wanted to fuck me before throwing me out of his life."

"It does not sound like something he would do or say. Is it because he left you alone yesterday ? I told him to leave you a note but he said that it would not take long."

"He told you."

"No, Umbridge asked me to look for him and the twins told me that there was a high probability that you two were trying the bed. I waited a bit and I knocked at your door. He opened it and he went to Umbridge's office with me. He should have been back five minutes later."

"He came back around midnight."

"I remember that he was in his rooms for some time but I don't know what he was doing."

"He said something about the Order..."

"You will have to ask him."

"I don't want to have anything to do with him."

"Anyway... Do you want to come down with me? To the Great Hall."

"Yes, let me take a shower and I'm coming."

I took a quick shower and I put my clothes on. On the way to the Great Hall, we were stopped by Potter.

" _You_!"

"Draco, go to the Great Hall, I'll see you there."

"Are you sure?"

"I think I can handle a small teenager."

He nodded and he left us alone. Potter grabbed me by the neck and pinned me against the wall but the scene looked ridiculous since Potter was almost obliged to stand on tiptoe to reach my neck with his hand.

"Potter, to what do I own this pleasure?"

"You knew! All this time you knew what he would do!"

"Can I, at least, know what you're talking about?"

" “Dreams are nothing more than dreams. You should never forget to distinguish dream from reality or you could be easily fouled.”, does it remind you of something?"

"Yes, I told you this. And?"

"You knew that he was going to use the connection between our minds!"

"Your mind is connected with the mind of someone else? Wicked. With whose mind?"

_"Your_ Dark Lord."

"Oh, creepy. Wait. Is that how you knew what he was doing to me?"

"Of course but you already knew all of this! Because of you my godfather is dead!"

"You realize that I don't understand what you're talking about? I don't even know who was your godfather. Or that you even had one."

"Sirius Black was my godfather. One of your friends killed him."

"I doubt it..."

"Bellatrix Lestrange killed him."

"That what I thought... This woman wants me dead, she is not really my friend you see..."

"But you knew...!"

"Listen very carefully Potter. I know nothing about that connection thing with Voldemort. If I had known, I would have told you. I am not your enemy. Do you think that I enjoy my actual life? I want Voldemort to be dead. Maybe more than you want him to. And if you want me to understand what you're talking about, I need you to tell me what happened. And please, release my neck. You look ridiculous standing on tiptoe."

He let go of my neck and stepped back. He looked at me, trying to see if I was telling the truth.

"Yesterday I had a vision. In this vision, Voldemort had my godfather, Sirius, and was torturing him. I kind of told the Professor Snape about it but we went to the Ministry anyway."

"We?"

"Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna and I."

"Go on."

"But it was a trap to get a prophecy. We were welcomed by Death Eaters. We were losing when members of the Order arrived. We fought and my godfather was killed by Bellatrix. After, Voldemort and Dumbledore appeared and they fought before Voldemort tried to possess me but he failed. The Minister for Magic and other people arrived and they saw Voldemort. Some Death Eaters were arrested."

"Who?"

"Your father, Malfoy and nine other were arrested."

"Lucius has been arrested?"

"And your father too."

"I don't care about my father. Was Snape among those who fought for the Order?"

"No, he is not supposed to get involved in public fights against Death Eaters. I suppose he was in the headquarters. Where are you going?"

"I need to talk to him."

I walked downstairs and I found Draco in front of the Great Hall, livid.

"Ilias, my father has been arrested..."

"I know, go back to my rooms. You'll stay with me until the end of the term."

"What are you going to do?"

"I need to talk to Severus. I won't be long."

I went to the dungeons and I knocked at Severus's door. No one answered. I tried again and again but I had no answer. Maybe that he was not here. I slipped a note under his door and I went back to my rooms. Draco was already here, sitting on my couch. I sat next to him and I hugged him.

"Don't be scared Draco, he is gonna be OK. He is strong. We are strong."

"What are they going to do to him?"

"They are going to send him to Azkaban. But the Dark Lord will get him out of here."

"You think?"

"I am sure about it."

We stayed like this for a moment and Draco looked at me.

"Have you seen Severus?"

"He was not in his rooms."

"Are you sure? I thought I had seen him this morning."

"Well, he didn't answer."

"Mother is going to protect you."

"What do you mean?"

"Father was protecting you from the other Death Eaters before. Mother is going to protect you from them too."

"And I will protect you."

"You _always_ do."

"That's what brothers are for."

"They have your father too."

"I know, Potter told me. Let's not talk about him. Are you hungry?"

"A bit..."

* * *

It had been a week since I last saw Severus and I was starting to worry since no one had seen him, not even the other teachers. It was my last day as a student at Hogwarts and while all the students were in the Great Hall, celebrating the end of the year, I sneaked out and I went to Severus's rooms. I tried to knock on the door but it opened on its own. I went in and I closed the door behind me. I turned the lights on since the living room was in the dark. I saw that Severus was sitting on his couch, a bottle of firewhisky in one hand. I grabbed it before he could finish the bottle.

"Severus, are you drunk?"

"No, I am not. I took a potion to be able to drink without being drunk."

"I am sorry for what I said last time."

"And it took you a week to come here?"

"I tried, every day, but no one ever answered. Even Draco tried."

"You should have tried harder."

"Are you saying that I should have exploded your door?"

"Maybe."

"You _are_ drunk if you think so. You could have opened the door."

"Isn't it the last day of school? You should be with your friends."

"And yet, I am with you, my grumpy old man."

"You're wasting your time, Ilias."

I sat beside him and I emptied the bottle, letting the burn of the alcohol make its way down my throat. I put the empty bottle on the table and I looked at him.

"It seems that we need another bottle."

"I think you had enough. I told you, I am sorry. I was scared and I felt insecure. You matter to me Severus, maybe more than anyone else."

"In fact, maybe that I _am_ drunk. I must be hallucinating."

"Do you remember what I told you last week?"

"You said a lot of things last week."

"I am lucky to have you."

"I am more than drunk. Maybe that I am sleeping."

"You're not, idiot."

I sat on his lap and I kissed him. He deepened the kiss almost immediately, thrusting his tongue inside of my mouth, dominating it. With a wave of his hand, our clothes dissapeared and we were soon rubbing against one another. He prepared my body, briefly, as I was rocking back and forth on his fingers, moaning and panting. I impaled myself on his cock but he stopped my hips from moving. I whimpered and I buried my face in his neck.

"Severus... Please..."

He grabbed my chin and he made me look at him. His eyes were darkened by lust and just looking at them made me moan in anticipation.

"What do you want?"

"I want you..."

"For how long?"

"For as long as you want me..."

He gave me a heated kiss, plunging on my lips like a vulture. He allowed me to move my hips and I put my hands on his shoulders to stand up before I sat back on his pelvis. I did this for a moment before he put his hands on my hips and started quick and languid movements, making me moan. I buried my face in his neck and he quickened his pace, brushing against my prostate with each thrust. I tried to muffle my screams by kissing and nipping his neck. He let go of my hips leaving me to move on my own and he fondled my chest, twisting my nipples, making me twitch. One of his hands slid downward and landed on my cock. He stoke it a bit, quickly, following the pace of my hips. It was soon too much for my body and I came in his hand, bitting his shoulder to muffle my scream. He moved his body, back and forth, during my orgasm, hitting my prostate each time he went back inside of my ass and he came inside of me with a more powerful thrust, making me come for a second time, on his stomach, and making my mind go blank.

* * *

The day after

_POV Severus_

I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me, and I slowly opened my eyes. I felt like I had a drum inside of my head. I remembered everything that had happened last night, my last bottle of firewhisky, Ilias finding me, Ilias riding me, Ilias fainting on me after his second orgasm in a row. Everything. But the person who was looking down at me right now was not Ilias even if he looked like him. It was Draco.

"What are you doing here Draco?"

"I just wanted to check that he was with you. Don't move, you will wake him up."

I looked in front of me and I saw that Ilias was laying on me, his head resting on my chest. He was still asleep.

"I'll put him in my bed then I'll take a shower and we'll be able to talk."

"Then I will just turn around because you are still both naked and barely covered by this blanket."

He turned around and he went to the kitchen. I cleaned mine and Ilias's bodies and I carried him to my bedroom. I lay him on the bed, under the covers, and I kissed his forehead before going to the bathroom. After a quick shower I put some clothes on and I went to the kitchen. Draco was wandering between the kitchen and the living room, waiting for me to come back.

"Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please."

I made tea and I poured some into two mugs.

"Why are you here Draco?"

"I told you, I was worried about him. He sneaked out of the party yesterday and I spent the evening looking for him. I hoped he was with you. He likes you, even if he is never going to admit it. And you like him too. And since you are like him, you are not going to admit it either. I was scared that he might do something he would regret."

"Like what?"

"Like spending the night with someone who will hurt him."

"Did he?"

"No, he spent the night with someone I trust."

_End POV Severus_

I opened my eyes when I heard a door being closed. I looked around me but I didn't recognize the bedroom I was in, maybe Severus's bedroom. I stood up and I walked to the closet near the bed. When I opened it, I knew that it was Severus's bedroom. There were only black clothes and some white shirts. I grabbed a black underwear and I put it on before I headed out of the room. I followed the voices I was hearing and I found Severus and Draco sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea.

"Morning..."

"Good morning Ilias."

"You could have put some clothes on."

"All your clothes are black and I am taller than you so everything, except your underwear, is too small for me."

"What is wrong with the color of my clothes?"

"Black is depressing."

"You never complained about it before."

"It's because I like you more when you don't wear them."

I gave him a light kiss and I looked at Draco who was clearly mocking us.

"What do you want ferret?"

Draco started to pout and I smirked before I kissed Severus once again.

"I'm gonna cook, who's hungry?"

"Everyone I think, Ilias."

I cooked for everyone and Severus made some more tea. We all sat down in the living room, Severus and I on the couch and Draco on an armchair. I was sitting crossed-legs, my knees touching Severus's thighs, and I was, slowly, drinking my tea.

"What are you going to do when we will be back to the mansion?"

"We will act as if nothing happened."

"Yeah, it's the best we can do."

"It seems easy when you say it like this, both of you, but do you know how obvious you look? You look like a couple, even when you are just drinking your tea or eating. You are always touching the other. You are too close."

"We can do this."

"We have to. If Voldemort knows about Severus and I, I don't want to know what he will do to us. We can both use Occlumency so that he won't see anything in our memories."

"He knows that you two are close. Just, try to act like you are friends. Don't be too close. To me, it's just obvious that you are a couple because I know it. My mother and my father know it too. But you can't let anyone else know."

"The twins know it too but they will keep it to themselves, I trust them."

"And if you trust them, I do as well."

"Draco, did your mother tell you when was Lucius's trial?"

"Lucius's trial? Lucius has been arrested?"

"You didn't know?"

"I have spent a week in here."

"So you don't know that Umbridge is gone and that Dumbledore is back?"

No, I didn't."

"He was among the Death Eaters who fought during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries. Only Bellatrix was not arrested."

"I only knew that Black was dead."

"Well, Lucius was arrested."

"Your father too, Ilias."

"I know Draco. But it's not like he is important to me. I don't care about what happen to my father."

"There will not be any trial. He still is in the hands of Fudge but there will not be a trial. He is going to be sentenced to life imprisonment."

"But he can't! There has to be a trial! You can't sentence someone without a trial. That's not fair."

"He can Ilias. During the First Wizarding War some Death Eaters were not sentenced to life imprisonment because they said they were under the influence of the _Imperius Curse_. Someone Death Eaters were not sentenced because they betrayed the Dark Lord by giving names. Fudge won't let this happen once again, there won't be any trial. Not when they have proofs."

"But he is just a man..."

"He is a convinced Death Eater. If he was not sentenced to life imprisonment after the first war it is only because he said that he was under the influence of the _Imperius Curse_ during the whole war."

"There must be something we can do. We can't let him go to Azkaban."

"We can try to persuade the Dark Lord to free the Death Eaters but I don't think that he will agree. Not for now."

"We need to do something Severus."

"For now, only you have the power to change the Dark Lord's mind but, to me, you won't succeed. Lucius failed to bring him the prophecy, he is mad about him. There is nothing we can do for now. I am sorry."

"It's not you fault..."

I let my head rest on his shoulder and he ruffled my hair with his free hand.

"I don't want to go back to the mansion."

"I know Ilias, but you have to... He will be waiting for you..."

"Draco is right Ilias, you have to go back there. It's thanks to you that he does not kill us at every meeting."

"And I told you, Mother will be there to protect you."

"I know. And I have to go back because I promised you that I will protect you. And I will. Nothing will happen to you, brother."


	11. 5th August 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias' summer was not as bad as the previous one until a certain werewolf decided that he could have a go. This event will eventually awaken the protectiveness and the possessiveness inside of Severus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who read the story I wrote in French, Ethan Steadworthy was created for a friend for whom I also created Elemiah Skye.

I was under the shower when I heard a weird noise, like someone who was opening a door.

"Severus?"

I turned the water off and listened. As I heard nothing, I turned the water on. Severus would say that I was starting to go crazy, hearing things. A few moments later, I clearly heard something. I turned the water off once again but I didn't turn around.

"Draco? Narcissa?"

A hand slid on my waist and I froze. It was not Severus's hand and no Malfoy would touch me like this.

"No boy, I am not a Malfoy nor Snape. Why did you think that it was him ? Oh, I see. You allow him to play with you."

"Greyback."

"Regarding what we are about to do, you can call me Fenrir."

"We are not going to do anything."

"I would not be so sure if I were you."

I realized that he was naked when he grabbed my wrists with one hand and put my arms behind my back, twisting them. I tried to scream for help but he put his free hand on my mouth, muffling my screams. I tried to free myself but he was much more stronger than me. I was going to be raped by someone who was maybe even more dangerous than Voldemort. Will this hell ever end ? Is there a hell that ends well ?

"Fenrir, if I were you I would not do this. The Dark Lord will not be happy if you rape him."

"Steadworthy, when are you going to mind your own business?"

"I am here on the Dark Lord's order. Starting today, I am the personal trainer of this boy."

"His trainer? Too bad, I liked the defenseless boy. Weak boys' meat is much more tender."

He licked the side of my neck and I shivered. Was he going to turn me into a werewolf? No, the Dark Lord would kill him. He dropped me down and I collapsed on the floor. He knelt in front of me, grabbing my chin between his tanned fingers.

"Don't think that you are safe if he is here. I am not done with you. There will be a day when the Dark Lord will throw you away and this day, you will be mine."

"In your dreams, dog."

I spat on his face and he slapped me so hard that my nose started to bleed. He grinned at me, showing me his teeth.

"If I were you, I would not be so sure about this. You're just a whore. If the Dark Lord finds someone more handsome than you and with a better ass, he will give you to one of us. When this time will come, I will make sure that you will be mine. And you will beg him on your knees to take you back. I will destroy every inch of you and I will turn your life into hell. You will be the dog, whore. And no one will help you."

He grabbed my neck and squeezed it until I struggled because I needed to breathe. He let go of my neck and I started to breathe heavily. Greyback stood up and I felt a strong panic boiling inside of my stomach. My breathing soon became erratic. Steadworthy tried to come closer in order to calm me down but he was pinned to the opposite wall. I started to scratch my belly, just where Greyback's hand had been. I didn't even see Steadworthy leave and lock the room.

* * *

_POV Severus_

I was brewing potions when Ethan Steadworthy stormed in.

"Snape, I need you to come with me."

"Steadworthy, to what do I own this pleasure?"

Crabbe is having a panic attack."

"Which one?"

"Ilias Crabbe."

I put the spoon I was holding on the table, next to a cauldron.

"Because of whom?"

"Fenrir Greyback. How did you know that it was because of someone?"

"The last time he had one, it was after he had been punished by the Dark Lord. Where is he?"

"In his bathroom. I could not move him so I locked inside."

"You idiot!"

"What? What have I done?"

I ran upstairs and I bumped in Draco.

"The Dark Lord wants to see Ilias, do you know where he is?"

"He can't go to him right now. Ethan told me that he was having a panic attack."

"Do you need help?"

"Come with me and make sure that no one comes in."

We went to Ilias's bedroom and I left Draco in the corridor. I unlocked the door of the bathroom and sight I had left me breathless and shocked. Ilias was sitting on the floor, naked and covered in blood, his eyes were so dazed that he seemed to be under the _Imperius Curse_. I walked in, carefully, and I knelt in front of him, letting him acknowledge my presence. He stepped back and he seemed scared.

"Ilias, look at me, I will not hurt you. Don't you recognize me? It's me, Severus."

At the mention of my name, he seemed to become more lucid and then, he laughed hysterically. A laugh which sounded more like a whine. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he smiled at me, it was a sad smile.

"Sorry, I must look pathetic. No, I _look_ pathetic, that's a fact."

I took my clothes off, only keeping my underwear on, and I walked towards him. I took him in my arms and I carried him to the shower. I turned the hot water on and I cleaned him, making the blood disappear and allowing me to see his wounds. I closed them with a wandless spell and I dried his body with a towel. I carried him to the bed and I sat beside him.

"Severus, I am sorry... I am hopeless."

"No, you're not. You are hurt, tired and stuck in a situation which was imposed to you. None of this is your fault. You have the right to break down."

I lay down beside him and he threw his arms around me.

"Thank you..."

I caressed his hair until he fell asleep. I stayed with him for a bit before I stood up and I put my clothes back on. I headed out and I found Draco in front of the door, leaning against the wall.

"What took you so long?"

"He had injuries. I had to heal him."

We went downstairs and we saw that the Dark Lord was waiting at the bottom of the staircase.

"Draco, I thought that I had asked you to bring me Ilias."

"My Lord, I am the one who told Draco that he could not bring you Ilias. He had a panic attack."

"Bring me the boy Severus."

"But, he is asleep my Lord..."

"I said, bring me the boy."

I bowed, slightly, and I went back upstairs. I went inside of Ilias's bedroom and I closed the door behind me. I walked towards the bed and I sat next to Ilias. He moved a bit and I looked at him. I had to wake him up. I could not go back to the Dark Lord and tell him that I could not wake him up. He would kill me and then kill him. I put my hand on his shoulder and I shook it, lightly.

"Ilias, wake up."

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes.

"Severus? What's going on?"

"The Dark Lord wants to see you. You should put some clothes on."

"What for? He is going to take them off anyway."

"Put your clothes on. I don't know why the Dark Lord wants to see you but I have a bad feeling about it. He was weird, he seemed angry."

"He is weird. And he is always angry. Nothing strange about that."

"Never mind. Put your clothes on."

He quickly dressed up and he followed me downstairs, bare-footed. When we came in the living room, almost all the Death Eaters were here. Narcissa and Draco were nowhere to be seen. Ilias walked towards the Dark Lord and he stopped just in front of him. I had a really bad feeling about this unexpected meeting.

"Since some of you seem interested in what is not theirs, I am going to show you to whom this boy belongs."

He tied his hands with an invisible link and he made Ilias' clothes disappear. I looked in his eyes and I could see that he was scared and ashamed. I looked away at the first scream of pain. Guilt was twisting my stomach and I thought that I was going to be sick. I closed my eyes and I clenched my fists, unable to bear the sight of the other Death Eaters who were, mainly, enjoying what they were witnessing. If I had tried to protect him then it would have never happened. I was his lover, I should be protecting him.

After a moment, the only thing I could hear were the Dark Lord's grunts. I turned my head and I saw that Ilias had passed out and that his arms were torn in a weird angle. I closed my eyes once again when the Dark Lord came inside of him. He dropped the unconscious body on the floor and he stood up.

"Severus, you know your job. The others, you are dismissed."

I waited until the room was empty and I rushed to Ilias' side. I quickly cleaned his body before I transfigured a chair into a cover. I wrapped it around him and I went back to Ilias' bedroom. I went straight to the bathroom and I made the cover and my clothes disappear. He had a fever and I needed to lower his temperature. I washed his body under the cold water of the shower and I lay him on his back, on his bed, not even drying him. I lay down beside him, checking his temperature.

Three hours later, he slowly opened his eyes. I gave him some potions and he drank them without saying a word. I gave him a glass of water and he drank it eagerly. He threw his arms round me and nested his head on my chest. I stroked his hair, looking at his face, still feeling guilty.

"I am going to kill Greyback."

"If you kill him, the Dark Lord will kill you. And I don't want you to die."

"Greyback is not that important."

"He is. The Dark Lord is trying to have the werewolves fighting for him."

My eyes met his and guilt made my stomach flinch.

"Severus, you can't feel guilty for all those you can't help."

"I could have helped you. I could have said that you were sick."

"He would have found another way. You know he always does."

"I hate it when you are with him, when you are in his arms. I know that he is going to hurt you."

"There are wounds that will never disappear, wounds that need time to heal and there are wounds that your presence makes me forget. I like it. Being with you. It makes me feel alive. You make me feel alive."

"Ilias..."

"No, don't say a word. I know that it sounds cheesy and that I sound like a Hufflepuff but it's true. You understand me, you see me and you care about me, more than anyone has cared about me. You mean a lot to me and I don't want you to die. Not like this, not ever. And I don't want you to feel guilty about something that none of us can control. While he hurts me, he does not torture you and that's fine for me. It may sound weird but I'd rather be raped for the rest of my life if I was sure that it would keep you safe."

I hugged him and I tried to keep my face straight.

"You can't wish this. I want you to be free from all of this. You don't deserve what is happening to you."

"Life is not fair but that's not news to me. One day, it will stop. One day, I will be free. One day, the nightmare will be over and I'll be able to live happily."

"I don't know how you can live like this."

"Hope is all I have left. I have you and the Malfoy family. It's thanks to you that I manage to keep my head above the water. It is thanks to you that I am not drowning."

"I am not doing anything for you. I can't even protect you."

"You are here and you care, that's all that matters to me. I don't need a knight in his shinning armor."

He kissed my chin and ran his hands through my hair. After a long silence, I spoke again.

"Do you want to come with me and Draco to Diagon Alley?"

"Can I?"

"Of course, I would not have asked you if you couldn't."

"No, I mean... Does He have to agree or anything?"

"I don't think so. I'll just let Narcissa know that you are coming with us. She will tell him if He asks for you."

"Won't he punish me?"

"No, not for something like this."

"Then yes, I want to come with you."

"We should put some clothes on then."

I kissed his forehead and he stood up. I watched him walk, naked, and dress up until he threw a shirt on my face.

"Stop starring, you're drooling."

"I am certainly not."

I dressed as there were some of my clothes in his closet, hidden. There was a knock on the door and Draco came in, one of his hands in front of his eyes.

"Whatever you are doing, stop it right now."

"Stop it Draco, we are both wearing clothes and we are not cuddling."

"Ilias, we never cuddle."

"OK, Draco we are not having s..."

I muffled the rest of his sentence by putting my hand on his mouth.

"Thank you Severus, I don't want to know what you are doing when you are alone."

He put his hand away and I did the same thing. Draco started to laugh and I looked at him, startled, until I noticed that Ilias was clearly pouting.

"Ilias? What's wrong?"

"He didn't like it when you silenced him. Maybe that if you kiss him he will stop pouting."

"You think?"

"When I was a kid it was what I was doing."

"I didn't know you two had that kind of relationship...."

"No! I mean... I was just kissing him on the cheek. Stop grinning like a fool Ilias!"

I looked at Ilias but the pout was back on his lips. I rolled my eyes and I walked up to him. I grabbed the back of his neck and I kissed him, only letting up when we both needed to breathe.

"I didn't need to see this!"

"Stop being childish Draco."

I left them as they started to argue and I told Narcissa that Ilias was coming with Draco and I to Diagon Alley. When I came back, they were both laughing.

"Are you ready?"

"We are. Did you tell Narcissa that I was coming?"

"Yes, I did. If the Dark Lord wants to see you, he will know that you are with us."

"Thank you."

_End POV Severus_

* * *

We used apparition to go to Diagon Alley and we split up. Draco went with Severus and I wandered alone in the streets until I found what I was looking for. It was hard to miss it. I looked at the colorful store and I opened the door, stepping in. I was immediately assaulted by two ginger-haired men.

"Forge! Isn't our favorite Slytherin?"

"I believe it is, Gred!"

"What brings you here?"

"How did you get here?"

"Guys, can I talk? And, are you going to let me suffocate to death? I can barely breathe."

"The more the two of you date, the more you talk like him."

"What? Who are you talking about?"

"Snape. Or is it already done with him?"

"No, it's complicated. Is there a place where we can talk? In private I mean."

"Yes, let's go to the storehouse. Follow us."

I followed them and we sat on boxes.

"So, why is it complicated with Snape?"

"Do you remember what my brother said last year? Well, it's true."

"But...I don't understand."

"Fred, what I mean is that... Merlin, I don't even know how to tell you this..."

I lifted the sleeve covering my left arm.

"Are you...?"

"I am not really a Death Eater but...I have a...special link with Voldemort."

"What sort of link?"

"I am his pet. He uses me for..."

"For?"

"He fucks me. Well, it's more rape to me but, that's what it is."

"But Snape..."

"There is nothing he can do about it and it makes him mad. And there is nothing I can do either. Do you remember my broken leg after the Christmas vacations last year? Voldemort broke it and no one was allowed to heal me. Severus cares for me and I care for him."

"So you love him?"

"Love is a big word... Let's say that we like each other. We like being together and...having sex. Even if it does not happen very often."

"But when you say that your relationship with Snape is complicated, you mean that you can't expose it, right?"

"Yes. If Voldemort knew, he would kill us. I belong to the Dark Lord and the Dark Lord doesn't like to share his toys, except when he allows it."

"It sounds..."

"...awful. Is there something we can do?"

"Tell Potter to hurry up and kill him. Also, I know that you are members of the Order. I want you to give this letter to whoever is in charge."

"Are you a spy?"

"I am not supposed to tell you this but yes. Except you two, Severus and Dumbledore, no one knows my true identity. The others only know my code name."

"Eagle."

"Yes, Dumbledore thought that it would suit me."

"Because you are an arrogant aristocrat?"

"Shut up George. No, it's because I can see and hear everything, just like an eagle."

"I thought it would be because of your Patronus."

"No, my Patronus is a stag."

"A stag? Harry's Patronus is a stag."

"Severus' Patronus is a doe."

"That's weird..."

"What is weird, Fred?"

"A Patronus is supposed to be unique and linked to your soul mate. Once you've found it, your Patronuses become linked and one represent the female of the creature and the other, the male. Snape and you, it could be understandable. But Harry? I seriously doubt that Snape is his soul mate. They hate each other."

"Then what would it be?"

"I heard that the Patronus of Harry's father, James, was a stag too. Maybe that this is where the link is."

"You mean that Potter's Patronus is a stag because the Patronus of his father was a stag? But when James Potter died, Potter was only one. I know that magic is powerful but Potter was just a baby."

"We don't know anything more. Maybe that you should ask Remus about this. Send him a letter."

"Thank you, it was good to see you and to talk to you."

"Can't you stay a bit?"

"No, I need to go to Flourish & Blotts and Severus will certainly pick me up in an hour."

"Did you come here with him?"

"Yes, him and Draco."

"Be careful."

"You know that you are like a brother to us."

"You will always be welcome here."

"Thank you. You too you are like brothers to me."

I quickly hugged them and gave the letter for the Order. I walked out of their shop and I went to Flourish & Blotts. I bought sheets of paper and pencils. I also bought some books on potions and then I went to Knockturn Alley. I bought some books in a weird shop and I started to look for Draco and Severus. Someone grabbed my arm and I saw two strange men coming towards me while another one was restraining me. I freed myself with a wandless spell and I took my wand out of my pocket. I stepped back, threatening them with my wand, and I bumped into someone. This person put his hand on my shoulder and I relaxed when I recognized Severus's fingers.

"Ilias, are those men bothering you?"

"They tried to attack me."

Without even using his wand he pinned the three men to a wall and then walked towards them. I could feel his magic and its strength made me shiver, shiver of pleasure.

"Don't you dare touch him. If I see you three around him again, you will suffer a fate worse than death. Now, go."

They didn't need to be asked twice. They ran away and Severus came towards me. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to a wall, his eyes quickly meeting mine.

"What are you thinking about Ilias?"

"You look damn sexy when you are angry and when you use magic."

"People..."

"Hum? Draco?"

"Oh, so you finally saw that I was here. Thank you."

Severus let go of my wrists and stepped back. I blushed and I looked at Draco.

"Do you have everything you need?"

"And you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean?"

"Stop playing with me. Severus, say something."

"Well, you are the only one who saw a double meaning in what he said."

"At least, you could help me."

"Ilias, you should let the Dark Lord know what happened."

"I won't."

"Why?"

"He will kill those men and their families."

"Hufflepuff..."

"I can hear you Severus. I am not deaf. And if I talk to the Dark Lord about this, he will not agree to let me on your watch or to go out."

"You see Severus, he clearly is a Slytherin."

"No, he is Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts? What do you mean?"

"It's something that you will see and understand one day."

"Ilias, what does he mean?"

"You'll see."

"Eh! That's not fair!"

"Consider it as a payback for mocking me. And for interrupting us."

"Let's go back to the manor."

We went back to the manor and Draco stayed with his mother while Severus and I went downstairs, to the laboratory, since the Dark Lord was not back. I put the ingredients and the books I had bought on a table and I sat on the only chair of the room. I looked at Severus, thinking about my conversation with the twins.

"What is your relationship with Potter?"

"What? My relationship with Potter? What is this question?"

"Just answer, please."

"I hate him, he is an arrogant brat. Why?"

"When you saw my Patronus, you thought about something. What was it?"

"If this is a questioning, stop it now."

"Severus, I just want to understand."

"Yes, I thought that it was weird. But what is the link between you, Potter, me and your Patronus?"

"The Patronus of Potter is a stag, mine too and yours is a doe. So we are your soul mates right?"

"Who told you this?"

"The twins."

"The form of a Patronus depends on a lot of things. It is your reflection as a creature. It can change if something happens to you. It can be because of the loss of someone or because you met someone or because of someone who means a lot to you. The Patronus of Potter is certainly a stag because of his father. James' Animagus form was a stag and so was his Patronus. My Patronus was a snake before I lost someone who was dear to me. Concerning your Patronus, only you can truly know what it means."

"This person you lost, who was it?"

"Lily Evans, the mother of Harry Potter."

"Did you...love her?"

"No, she was my best friend. Why are you asking all those questions?"

"I am scared and worried..."

"Why?"

"Because when I talked to the twins, I realized that I really like you. So I suppose I was jealous that there might be something between you and Potter or between you and his mother."

"You were jealous?"

"Why does it seem surprising?"

"I don't know, no one has ever been worried about how close I was with others."

"Well, I am."

He came closer to me and I yanked on his shirt, drawing his face closer to mine.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you are mine and I am yours."

I kissed him with all the strength I had and he made me stand up, his fingers digging into my hips. I put one of my hand in his hair and let the other one rest on his left cheek as I deepened the kiss. I made him step back until he bumped against the desk. He threw everything which was on the desk on the floor and he grabbed my hips before sitting me on the desk. He opened my shirt and fondled my pale chest, playing with my nipples using his fingers and his teeth. I dug my nails in his skull, moaning loudly, and I quickly took his black shirt off. He unbuttoned my pants and he smirked at the sight of the tented fabric of my underwear. He ran his thumb over my cock and he dropped my pants and my underwear on my ankles before taking them off. Before I could even blink he too was naked. I let my hands run on his chest and on his thighs before I let him stretch me. He pushed his length inside of me and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I grabbed his shoulders and dug my nails in his skin, marking him. His slow pace was torturing me and I was soon begging him to quicken his movements. His thrusts became faster and he was soon pounding hard inside of me, making me scream in pleasure and also making the desk tremble under his hard thrusts. I bit his shoulder when I felt my orgasm building up inside of my stomach and his pace became erratic. He stoke my cock a few times before I came in his hand. He came inside of me a few seconds later. We stayed like this for a moment, in a position which looked like cuddling but was not according to him. We kissed again and I smiled against his lips.

"That was...unexpected..."

"You're sexy when you're possessive."

"I should be possessive more often then!"

I laughed at the sight of the offended look he had on his face and I gave him a light kiss on his lips. I stood up and I felt his cum slid between my thighs and dripping on the floor. Severus grabbed me and put me back on the table.

"Let me clean everything before you step on a broken vial."

I watched him put his clothes back on and then repair all the broken flasks. He turned towards me and cleaned my body with a flick of his hand.

"Did you have to do that?"

"I enjoyed the sight I had but if someone comes in, I don't want him to see you like this, exposed. Only I can see you like this."

I smiled and I lazily dressed up. I was looking at the teeth marks I made on his shoulder when someone knocked at the door. Severus opened the door and Draco came in.

"You forgot the silencing charms."

"Really?"

"Yes. But we could not hear you from upstairs. I heard you when I came the first time."

"I'm sorry Draco... Does anyone else know?"

"No. Mother knows but you know that she won't say a word."

"I know. Why are you here?"

"Ethan wants to see you."

"Did he come here?"

"No, he asked me to bring you back. But I told him that Severus needed you for a potion."

"Thank you, you really saved us."

"Yes, I know. But now, you should come with me, he is pacing upstairs, it's annoying."

"I am coming with you, I'll go home."

We went upstairs and we found Ethan standing in the middle of the living room.

"Ah! Here you are! Severus, do you still need him?"

"No, I don't."

"Great, come with me Ilias."

"What are we going to do?"

"I have to train you. The Dark Lord asked me to."

"Oh, OK then. See you soon Severus."

"Yes, see you soon."

Severus left and I followed Ethan in a huge room which reminded me of the Room of Requirements. We stopped in the middle of the room and he looked at me.

"I am going to evaluate you. Severus told me that you are strong but I want to see how strong you are. He also told me that you could be an Animagus. Do you know which creature you could be?"

"How can I know?"

"Normally, you can feel it inside of you. In a way, it defines you."

"Just like the Patronus then?"

"Exactly. Which is why your Animagus form and your Patronus represent the same creature. Can you conjure the Patronus Charm?"

"Yes, my Patronus is a stag."

"A stag? That's weird."

"Why?"

"I can feel a creature inside of you but it's not a stag, it's a bird."

"A bird?"

"Yes, but not a small one like a nightingale. It looks more like an eagle or a buzzard."

"I think that it's an eagle."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it's just an intuition. When you said “eagle”, I felt something inside of me."

"Don't worry, we will work on this. Now, are you ready?"

"I always am."

He started to fire spells at me and I created a shield to protect me. I made him step back and I started to attack him, shielding his spells from time to time.

After two hours of fighting, I collapsed on the floor, exhausted. Ethan sat beside me.

"Severus was right, you are skilled. There are some things we will have to work on but you really are gifted."

"Thank you. If I were a member of the Order, I would not like to fight against you."

"Having to beat you would be hard too. Your main problem is that you can't really control your power. You need to learn how to control it or you will be easily exhausted. You use too much magic at the same time. Did you have restrains on your magic before you turned seventeen?"

"I don't know, I don't think so."

"It is something used by pure-blood families so that their child won't be too powerful if he does not want to be the good pure-blood kid."

"You are not a pure-blood."

"You are not the perfect pure-blood kid."

"I never wanted to be this kind of child. I am myself, that's enough.

"I am a half-blood. Many pure-bloods don't like me because I am much more powerful than them."

"Severus and Lucius like you."

"Lucius likes me but Severus..."

"Severus is a dick with every living creature. But that's not his fault."

"He likes you. Or at least, he is kind with you."

"He'd better be. Last time he pissed me off, I pinned him to a wall and restrained myself from killing him."

"Really? I thought that Severus was the type of man who would not let anyone threaten him without killing him."

"Well, in a way, it was his fault. I apologized afterwards but it was his fault."

"You two are really close."

"I miss Lucius, I suppose he feels it. He barely leaves me alone. And he must miss Lucius too. They are really good friends."

"I've always wondered if there was more than friendship between those two."

"No! I mean... Lucius loves Narcissa, he would never cheat on her."

"I suppose you are right. Still, it feels like there is more about them than what we see."

"No, they are just friends, almost like brothers. Ew... Lucius and Severus, it sounds like incest to my ears."

"I see what you mean. It's as if I was saying that you are dating Draco. You are like brothers to me. It would seem weird."

"Yes, I totally agree with you. Draco and I, this would be a high level of incest. We act like brothers and we actually look like brothers."

"Do you know that there still are people who think that you are Lucius's son?"

"People will always think I am. But since Narcissa, Lucius, Draco and I know that this is not true, I don't care."

"You look a lot like Lucius when he was about your age."

"I know but I am not his son."

"I have never said this. What I am saying is simply that you look like him. You can look like someone and not be from his family."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"You should go and have some rest."

"Yes, thank you."


	12. 20th December 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus is jealous because Ilias spends a lot of time with Ethan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short and mainly contains dialogue. And there's some "child" abuse in this chapter. I don't really know if we can call this child abuse because Ilias is an adult...
> 
> Also, I am sorry that I haven't been able to update lately. I was doing an internship until Thursday because I want to become an English teacher so between the classes I had to prepare and the kids taking all my energy, I didn't have much time. Also I had this idea of one shot (Chistmas Wish) and I wanted to write and publish it before I forgot about it. I've also been kinda sad because my internship is over and I'll have to go back to the University and I really don't want to because the secondary school I was in (for the internship) is awesome and the teachers and the kids there are just as great. But I'm going back there on Tuesday so now I'm really excited!

Severus arrived at the Malfoy Manor during my training with Ethan. It was maybe midnight but it was easier to train while everyone was asleep. I was still not able to turn into my Animagus form and I was starting to grow impatient. I was sighting heavily when he came in.

"Ilias, what's wrong?"

"I can't turn into an eagle. I try but I fail every time I try."

"That's normal, you've never tried before."

"I've been trying for two months now!"

"Sometimes people never succeed. At least you still try even if you don't succeed."

"Yeah, and I am starting to wonder why."

"Stop being pessimistic. It is by learning and trying that you succeed."

"I know. You're not my teacher anymore Severus."

"Well, obviously."

I walked up to him and I gave him a light kiss on his left cheek.

"I thought the Christmas vacations will never come."

"You're such a tease Ilias."

"I know, that's why I am a Slytherin I suppose."

I went to my bedroom and Severus was about to follow me when Narcissa called him.

"Severus, can I talk to you for a moment? Please, it's important."

"Yes, of course."

I watched him go with her and I went in my bedroom. I went to the shower and when I came back in my bedroom, Severus was sitting on the edge on the bed.

"How was your mother's visit?"

"Narcissa told you."

"Yes, she said that since then you were not the same."

"We talked a bit."

"What did she say? Narcissa told me that you haven't been drawing since she came."

"I didn't know what to draw."

Severus grabbed me by the waist and I winced a bit.

"Ilias, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

He took my shirt off, uncovering the bruises covering my chest.

"How did this happen? Was it during the training?"

"No, I just fell."

"Don't lie to me. Who did this to you? Is it your mother?"

I stayed silent and he frowned.

"It's your mother. Why did you let her hurt you?"

"She is my mother, what do you want me to do? Beat her? Kill her? My father is in Azkaban. I have a younger brother, he needs to have a mother."

"She does not have the right to beat you. Why did she do that anyway? And I know you, don't tell me that you deserved it."

"What do you want me to say then?"

"The truth."

"The truth is what you asked me not to tell you. I am a disgrace to my family. That's a fact."

"Ilias, your family is a disgrace, you are not. Now, show me your wounds, I will heal them."

I took my clothes off and I stood in front of him, letting him see all the bruises which were covering my whole body.

"Your left wrist, how did she broke it?"

"She pinned me to a wall and my wrist bumped onto something."

I turned around and he hissed when he saw how bad my back looked.

"She used the _Cruciatus Curse_ on you, didn't she?"

"Yes, she used it."

"I don't understand how your parents can do this to you."

"Maybe that your father would have done this too if he had been a wizard."

"If he had been a wizard, he would not have beaten me. He hated me because I was a wizard and he was not."

"My parents hate me because I am gay, because I am different, because I don't want to be like them, because I am myself and because I don't want to change. They can't accept the fact than I will never be the man they want me to be."

"Let me heal you."

"I deserve this punishment. I should follow the rules. But I don't want to because I don't want to be someone else. I want to be me."

"Then be you. Rebel and fight. This is who you are and you don't deserve to be punished because of who you want to be."

"I have no other choice. I have to suffer, I deserve this."

"We always have the choice. And no, you don't deserve any of this. Ilias, you don't have to suffer, get this idea out of your mind. You are the victim in all of this, not the culprit."

I turned around once again and I looked at him, only to see honesty in his eyes.

"I don't know Severus, being beaten is a common thing for me. I am used to it, the insults, the punches, the spells. This is how I grew up, thinking that it was my fault. Even if Lucius tried to teach me that no child was supposed to endure this, I can't put this idea out of my mind. Somehow, this is my fault."

"I want you to get rid of this idea. I'll help you and together we will succeed."

I sat in front of him, on the floor, and I settled down between his legs, letting my head rest against his chest. He stroked my hair and I closed my eyes.

"Thank you..."

"Don't thank me, not yet, I haven't done anything."

"You're here, it's already a lot. You are by my side and you support me, you help me. Maybe that you don't see it but I do. I think that I would have killed myself ages ago if you were not here."

He tenderly grabbed my chin and he made me look at him.

"Don't ever think about suicide. I will not let you kill yourself and waste the rest of your life."

"My life has been a waste until now, maybe that it won't change."

"If you don't try, you will never see what is out there, waiting for you."

"What do you think will happen to me?"

"I don't know, something good I hope, happiness."

"Do you think that we can stay like this until the end of time?"

"Would you like it?"

"I would love it."

We stayed like this for Merlin-knows-how-long until I stood up to straddle his thighs. I looked at him and I pushed away his hair, allowing me to see his eyes.

"Why do you seem irritated Severus?"

"I had a little argument with Draco."

"About his mission?"

"Yes, he is not careful. Potter is suspecting him."

"He won't listen to you."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Right now, he doesn't like you because he thinks that you want to take his father's place. Deep inside of him he knows that this is not what you want but you know how teenagers are. They act and then they think. You'll have to wait until he trusts you again."

"We can't wait. He is making mistakes, it is starting to become dangerous."

"Anyway, I have a gift for you."

"A gift? What for?"

"Ethan told me that you would not be here for Christmas."

"The two of you talk a lot."

"We spend most of our time together so yes, we talk a lot. Wait, are you jealous?"

"Where is the gift?"

"Stop answering to my questions by asking questions."

"Yes, I am jealous."

"You don't have to be, there is nothing between Ethan and I, we are barely friends."

"I don't care, it feels threatening."

"Threatening? How can a non-existent relationship feel threatening? I told you, there is nothing. Severus, why are you so scared that I might look for someone else?"

"Because you could do that. You could look for someone younger than me."

"I will never do that. I am happy with you. Our relationship is complicated because it is secret but I would not change it for all the gold of Gringotts. You are way too important to me."

"But why? Why me? I don't understand."

"I don't understand either but this is how things are."

"I am not even good looking."

"Stop with that. How many times will I have to tell you that the most wonderful beauty someone can possess is inside of him? How many more until you understand that what you look like has no importance to me?"

"How can I know that what you say is true? How can I know that you mean those words? Tell me, how can I be sure?"

"You can't. I can promise you that it is true but that would not be a proof. You have to trust me. Severus, do you trust me?"

"I... I think I do."

"I like you Severus. And nothing will change this. Nothing."

I kissed him and then I stood up. I took a box which was hidden under my bed and I gave it to him.

"Open it."

"What is in there?"

"Open it and you'll see. Don't be scared, it's not going to eat you."

I smiled at him and he opened the box, staring at its content for a long minute, shocked.

_"The Unpublished Potion Recipes by Salazar Slytherin_. Where did you find it?"

"I have to admit that it was not easy but I thought that you would love it."

"This book is a legend."

"Now it's up to you to become the legendary Potion Master."

"You could be. I would like to keep my actual position of teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts. You could become the next Potion Master of Hogwarts."

"Do you really think I can?"

"Of course, you are as good as me at Potions. You would be a great teacher, better than I was and still am."

"Isn't it better now?"

"Not really, but I don't see why I should change."

"Let people see who you are, you are completely different from who they think you are."

"Why should I do that? What would I gain from this?"

"Recognition, respect. Many students are not scared by you but impressed by your knowledge. If you were less bitter then they would be even more interested by what you say and they would dare ask questions."

"Most of them are stupid."

"No, they seem stupid to you because you don't want to see how they really are. They are curious, they want to try, to taste. You should let them try, make errors. By making errors, you improve. You, among all the people, know that."

Severus tried to stand up and I pushed him back on the bed.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Home."

"Why?"

"I don't really want to spend the night being criticized."

"Severus, this is not a critic, I just want you to open your eyes."

"Believe me, my eyes are wide opened."

"Then I believe that it is your mind that is completely close. Do you realize that you are so cold with people that they are surprised when you praise them? Do you know that I have never seen you smile? Not even once. Sometimes your lips are twitching but you never smile, you never laugh. I don't even know if you are happy. Sometimes I even wonder if I am the one who makes you unhappy. I am worried about you Severus."

I felt like I was on the verge of tears and he caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"I am sorry if I made you worry, it was not my intention."

"Please, I need to know that you're happy. I want you to be happy."

"I am. Trust me, I have never been so happy in my life. I am just not used to show it. You make me happy. Please, don't cry."

"I am not crying."

"No, you're right. Raindrops are falling from your eyes."

He lay on the bed and I settled above him, my face resting in the crook of his neck.

"Keep me in your arms and it will stop raining."

He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes, a soft smile appearing on my lips.


	13. 12th May 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias is sick and the fever creates hallucinations for him to see. Or are they? Ilias is a bit pampered by Severus and Severus is clearly scared of the sick version of Ilias.

_POV Severus_

I was correcting some papers when someone barged in my office.

"Severus!"

"Draco? What is wrong?"

"Mother sent me an owl, Ilias is sick and she can't wake him up!"

"Did she say anything else?"

"No, nothing else. But we have to hurry!"

"We? You're not coming with me."

"Don't try me, I am coming with you."

"Draco, you can't. You don't have any authorization."

"Then hurry up and get one!"

I fire-called Dumbledore when I saw that Draco was really determined to come with me. The Headmaster accepted rather quickly and we both went to the Manor through the Floo Network. A house-elf showed us where Ilias was and we rushed in. Narcissa was already waiting for us.

"I thought you would never come!"

"What happened?"

"I don't really know. Last night he was a bit tired, he trains a lot. He went to bed early. This morning we had breakfast together and when he stood up, he fainted. Since then his fever hasn't stopped to be higher and higher. I tried everything I know, but it's getting worst. I didn't know what to do, which is why I asked Draco to bring you here."

She stepped back, allowing me to get closer to Ilias, and I sat on the bed, checking his temperature. It was really high. I listened to his breathing and his heartbeat. Everything else seemed fine.

"Maybe that he is exhausted. But his fever worries me. I have never seen anything like this on someone who is exhausted. His fever should not be that high. There must be something else. Did he do something lately?"

"One day, I found him sitting in the garden, under the rain. I think that it was three or four days ago."

"Did he say why?"

"No, but he said something weird. I think it was “The sky is crying but raindrops fall from our eyes. The Bishop will soon fall among the tears. Then the Thunder will go on a hunt and the Eagle will have to learn how to fly.” Do you think that he is a Seer?"

"It is possible but we can't be sure about it. Maybe that Dumbledore could tell us if he is or not."

"Do you have an idea of what he has?"

"I don't really know, maybe he just caught a cold but his breathing seems normal."

A fluffy white cat with brown fur around his nose and his paws and blue-gray eyes came in before settling on the bed, lying against Ilias's body.

"What is this cat doing here?"

"He is Lucius' and Ilias' cat."

"And does he have a name?"

"Hmm... Yes... Ilias named him Draco Jr."

"Draco Jr?"

"Yes, Ilias said that the cat behaves like Draco sometimes."

"DON'T COMPARE ME TO THIS FILTHY CREATURE!"

I turned my head, trying to hide my smirk. Ilias was still full of surprises.

"I never saw him here."

"He barely goes out of Ilias's old bedroom."

"Ilias' old bedroom? But how old is this cat?"

"Around ten years old, Ilias made him used to his old bedroom because he and Draco, they never got along."

"I see. But why is he here then?"

"It might seem weird but he always comes when one of us is sick, even Draco."

"Animals tend to feel it when someone is sick."

I slid my hand through Ilias's thick hair and his head moved a bit, fulling resting against my hand.

"I think that he is waking up."

"Then we will leave you with him. Draco, come with me. Severus, do you want me to take the cat with us?"

"No, it's okay. Draco Jr can stay."

They left, leaving me alone with Ilias and the cat, and I stoke Ilias's cheek. After a few minutes, he slowly opened his eyes and those gorgeous blue-green orbs quickly met my eyes.

"Severus?"

"How do you feel?"

"I feel like there is a drum in my head."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, I was eating my breakfast with Narcissa, just like every morning, and when I stood up, I fell. My legs were like cotton. There was a piercing sound in my ears and then everything went white and then black. I remember that I was really cold. I still am by the way."

"It must be because of your fever. You scared me."

"Really?"

"Yes, you seemed fine but you had a very high fever. It's still a little high but less than before."

"Sorry..."

I undressed and Ilias looked at me as if I was sick.

"What are you doing?"

"You said that you were cold, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did but..."

"Human heat is the best way to warm someone. That fluffy cat is not enough."

I slipped under the covers and Ilias threw his arms around my waist, his head resting on my chest, as if he was trying to hear my heartbeat.

"I think you fell because you were exhausted. You should slow down on your training. You can't train properly if you are exhausted. You need to take a break."

"I can't, I need to succeed. I want to succeed. I want to be stronger."

"You won't be stronger if you go on like this. You'll just kill yourself. You need to stop for now."

"I want to protect you Severus, I need to be stronger."

"I can protect myself, you know that. I don't need you to protect me. I want you by my side. You said so yourself, I don't need a knight in his shinning armor."

I felt some weight on my pelvis and I looked up to see that the cat was sitting on me.

"He likes you."

"Who?"

"Draco Jr."

"Why do you say so?"

"He is a bit complicated. Usually he doesn't like strangers. Your scent must be everywhere in my bedroom so I suppose he is used to it. And he is...weird. He decides when you can pet him, when you have to stop petting him and when you can't. If you try to pet him when he doesn't want you to, he is most likely to eat your hand."

"So why Draco Jr?"

"Because of his mood swings. Draco has a lot of them. And they hate each other so it was even more funny."

"Living with you is getting more and more interesting."

"I'm happy you like living with me."

"I've asked the Dark Lord if you could live with me at Hogwarts until the end of the school year."

"What did he say?"

"He said yes. But there is something that you must know."

"What is it?"

"At the end of June, Draco is supposed to kill Dumbledore. You will have to fight with the Death Eaters."

"And you?"

"I don't think that Draco will be able to kill him. I'll have to do it."

"Dumbledore is asking you too much. I don't want you to darken your magical core..."

"How do you know how dark is my magical core?"

"I can see it. At first I thought that I could see people's aura but then I realized what it was."

"How is mine?"

"Light gray, for now. Dumbledore's magical core is darker than yours, dark gray."

"And yours?"

"A bit lighter than yours."

"Only a bit?"

"Pure white magical core does not exist or only with kids. No one is white or black. We are all shades of gray."

"I see why Dumbledore thinks that you are interesting now."

"Why does it seem to bother you?"

"When Dumbledore finds someone interesting, this person always ends up being in danger."

"Like you or Potter."

"Yes, for example. And now, you as well."

"I chose to become a spy, I had the choice to say no. I chose to say yes."

"I still wonder why you did this and how you give informations to the Order."

"I became a spy to help you. And I don't want anyone to know how I give informations to the Order, not even you. It's not against you Severus, I just don't want those who help me to be in danger. You shouldn't even know that I am a spy. I don't want you to be hurt and what you don't know won't hurt you."

"The Dark Lord is evil, he has no logic. He could kill everyone if he learns that you are a spy. He could kill everyone and make you watch us die."

"Why would he suspect me?"

"Because you have every reason to want him dead and he is well aware of it. Why do you think that only a few numbers of Death Eaters are allowed to be around you? He fears that you would rise an army with Death Eaters who would support you because of what he does to you."

"Almost no one cares about what he does to me."

"Yeah, he is a bit paranoiac. You have to be careful."

"But why did he accept you to take me away?"

"He trusts me. And if you are at Hogwarts with me, you can't have any contact with other Death Eaters except me and Draco."

"Why doesn't he simply kill me?"

"Because people would be more tempted to try to fight him if he kills you now. He is going to try to seem more civil with you in front of them. He is going to make people envy you so that they will not stand for you."

"That's a clever plan..."

"Yes, and it's gonna work. Few of us will know the truth. The Malfoy, maybe Ethan, and me."

"I want to go..."

"I know. But maybe that you should rest a bit before."

"I am perfectly fine. And I can sleep when we arrive at Hogwarts."

"I plan to do other things when we arrive at Hogwarts."

"Hmm? Like what?"

I looked at him and I saw that he was grinning mischievously.

"I should let Draco Jr eat you."

"I thought you would want to eat me."

I gave in when he used his puppy-eyes technique on me. Only him could have this effect on me.

"Pack your things if you want to come with me right now."

"Yes sir!"

He smiled at me and he stood up, to fall on the carpet merely a second after he was on his feet. I stood up, put my underwear on, and I helped him to sit on the bed.

"You should maybe wait a bit. Take some rest and you'll be able to come with me."

"No, I want to go to Hogwarts tonight, with you. This is not the first time I am sick. As much as I like Narcissa, I don't want to stay here if I have the possibility to leave."

"I understand. But you'll go straight to bed when we arrive."

"I promise I will. Thank you Severus."

He gave me a peck on the lips and with a wave of my wand, I packed his things in a trunk.

"I will tell Narcissa that you are leaving with me."

"Maybe that you should get dressed before. I don't want Narcissa to see you almost naked."

"I am not interested in women."

"Well, she likes men. She loves Lucius but I don't want anyone to lust after you."

"You are the only one who do."

"Better be careful."

I dressed up and I helped him to put some clean clothes on. I checked his temperature and I was relieved to see that his fever was almost completely gone. I left him in his bedroom and I looked for Narcissa and Draco. They were in the library. Narcissa saw me and she stood up.

"Severus, how is he?"

"Better, he is awake. I am taking him with me."

"Why?"

"He needs to get out a bit. The Dark Lord agreed to this."

"But it will have a price, right?"

"Yes, he will have to be here when Draco is supposed to kill Dumbledore."

"He will have to see me do this?"

"Yes, but it will not be the first time he sees someone being killed. The first time he witnessed a murder I think he was still a toddler."

"Maybe but this is different. He will have to fight this time."

"He knows that. He is ready to do this, I think. This is how he was raised by his parents, to fight, to be a Death Eater. It might not please him but those are his instincts."

"Yes, you may be right."

"Draco, you have to come back with me."

"Yes, I am coming. Do you need help with Ilias?"

"No, I can handle him."

I left them and I went to see if Ilias was ready. He was lying on the bed and his eyes were close. It looked like he was sleeping. I sat on the edge of the bed and I let my hand slid through his thick blond hair. He moaned slightly and he curled up against me. His forehead was a bit hot again and I shook his shoulder a bit to wake him up. He opened his eyes and I saw that he was really tired.

"Ilias, do you think that you can stand up and walk?"

"Are we home?"

"Home?"

"Yes, home. Our home."

"Our home? Where is our home?"

"Our home is where we live Sev', the house in the forest, in Ireland. Stop making fun of me. And where is Eileen?"

"Eileen? Who's Eileen?"

"Our daughter! Have you lost your memory?"

"Ilias, we don't have a daughter and we don't live together."

"Bullshit."

"Ilias, your fever is back. You are hallucinating."

"I am not, I am not crazy."

"I have never said this."

The door opened and Draco came in. Ilias sat on the bed and looked at him.

"Draco, do you know where Eileen is? Severus refuses to let me see her."

"Eileen?"

"Your goddaughter. The daughter I had with Severus. A three years old girl with black hair and blue-green eyes. Am I the only one who remember that she exists?"

"Ilias, you don't have a daughter. Severus, what is wrong with him?"

"His fever is back, he is hallucinating."

"I am not hallucinating! I am just a bit tired and I feel like my head is gonna explode but I am fine!"

He stood up and I had to catch him before he could fall.

"And you can't stand on your feet."

"And I can't stand on my feet."

"Let me help you."

I reduced his trunk and I put it in my pocket before carrying him to the living room where we used the Floo Network to go back to my rooms at Hogwarts. I sat Ilias on my couch before putting his trunk in my – _our ? –_ bedroom. I went back to see how was Ilias and I saw that he was still asking for our imaginary daughter. But if he was a Seer, was this really imaginary ? Was it the future ? A possible future ? Ilias didn't know anything about my mother but there was no way he would have said this name by chance. What was the answer there ? Was the fever really producing those hallucinations or was this a sort of immersive vision of a possible future ?

"You may go Draco, I will take care of him."

Even if he seemed worried about him, Draco left. A few seconds later, I heard a knock on the door of the entrance of my rooms. I opened the door and I saw the Headmaster in front of me.

"Severus, is Mr Crabbe here with you?"

"Yes, but I don't think that he will be of any help, he is sick."

"I will not be long."

"As you wish. But he is hallucinating. He thinks that we have a daughter."

"A daughter?"

"I told you, he is sick."

He came in and I closed the door behind him. He walked towards Ilias and my _dear_ lover smiled at him.

"Albus! Do you know where Eileen is?"

"Eileen?"

"My daughter."

"Oh, yes, your daughter. Forgive me, I am old, I often forget things. I believe that your daughter is with Minerva. Your were sick so Severus asked her to take care of Eileen."

"Can I see her? I miss her so much."

"I don't think that it would be wise, you are still sick. A child's health is fragile. You will need to heal before you can see her."

"Headmaster."

"Yes Severus?"

"I think that Ilias is a Seer."

"Am I?"

"He sort of told Narcissa Malfoy a part of what look like a prophecy. 'The sky is crying but raindrops fall from our eyes. The Bishop will soon fall among the tears. Then the Thunder will go on a hunt and the Eagle will have to learn how to fly.' "

"You forgot a lot of it Severus."

"You remember it?"

"Of course I do. Everything I say is stocked somewhere in my brain. I believe that what I said was : 'The sky is crying but raindrops fall from our eyes. The Bishop will soon fall among the tears, killed by the Black Prince. Then the Thunder will go on a hunt in order to destroy the Lost Boy. The Eagle will have to learn how to fly before his wings are torn as his secret will be uncovered. Once the Lost Boy will be dust, the mist will blur the lives of the two Hooded Heroes but fate will bring them back together before the Thief tries to kill the Eagle in revenge for the death of the Broken Mother. But the two Hooded Heroes will have to be careful as the arrival of the powerful Eaglet will be seen as a threat by many.' "

"The Eaglet? The Thunder is obviously Potter. I suppose that the Lost Boy is the Dark Lord. The Eagle is your nickname at the Order and since the Eaglet is the baby of the Eagle, it means that you will have a child. If the Eaglet is your son or daughter then it means that you are one of the Hooded Heroes. But I don't have any idea of who the others might be."

"Well, I will both let you rest. I need to see Minerva. Do not worry about Eileen, I will tell her that both her fathers love her."

"Eileen? Who is Eileen, Headmaster?"

"She is...Minerva's niece?"

"Oh, I didn't know she had a niece."

I escorted him to the door and he looked at me in disbelief.

"You should really make him sleep."

"What do you think about that Eileen-thing?"

"Eileen was your mother's name. Have you ever told him?"

"No, I never mentioned her name in his presence."

"But this is not a name one could invent."

"Could it be some kind of prediction?"

"If it was that this Eileen would be your daughter as well. She would certainly be the Eaglet. You two need to be careful."

"Should I tell him?"

"No, not yet. Prophecies are hard to understand, everything we said could be wrong. There is no need to make him worry. Let him rest."

"He is already asleep in the couch."

"How do you know this?"

"I know the sounds he makes when he is sleeping."

"Be careful Severus. He might be clever but I think that he would do anything to protect you. Watch over him. I am worried about his well-being."

"You are responsible for this. I told you, you ask too much. You take too much for granted. Life is not a chess game. If you lose, you can't start over. You only have one chance. If anything happens to him, _you_ will be responsible. I see the way you look at him. I will not let you put his life in danger."

"Severus, do you love this boy?"

"Good evening Headmaster."

I closed the door and I looked at the sleeping body lying on the couch. Did I love him? It was a question I was not willing to have the answer, yet. I caressed his hair. I loved his hair. It was so soft. I carried him to _our_ bedroom and I watched him sleep until I too fell asleep.

_End POV Severus_


	14. 30th June 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day has come, Severus has to kill Albus Dumbledore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some parts of this chapter from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (the fight between Severus and Harry). I added some things to include Ilias in it but most of the fight between Severus and Harry was written by JK Rowling, not by me.
> 
> I'm writing the second part of this story but I'm having difficulties finding inspiration for it. Also, I have exams to prepare and I have my internship report to write. I think that I'm gonna try to post one chapter per week so that I have time to write the second part and to work. I'm creating two news characters for the second part and it took me quite a long time to find a name for those two women. I'm also thinking about writing an OS about them, but I'll keep this idea at the back of my head for when I'll have more time and will not be stuck at the beginning of my second part. I don't want you to have to wait for too long to read the second part, but I think you'll need some background for these two characters.

I was sprawled on the sofa, reading a book, when Severus came back after a long day of teaching. I was really tensed today. He laid on me, settling between my legs, his back on my stomach, and I put the book aside to massage his skull.

"You will soon be able to take some rest."

"I don't need to rest, I need all of this to be over."

"I don't think that you will have to wait long... Let's go and take a shower, it will help you to relax."

"If you say so..."

He stood up and he went to _our_ bedroom. I followed him and he looked at me, a bit surprised.

"What? Did you really think that I was going to let you shower alone?"

"Admit it, you did this on purpose."

"Maybe..."

He took his clothes off and went inside of the bathroom. I waited a bit and got undressed. I joined him under the shower and he pinned me to the wall.

* * *

_POV Severus_

I pinned him to the wall as soon as his naked flesh entered the shower and I rose his body until his legs were wrapped around my waist. Without even stretching him, I slid in and he hissed, both in pain and pleasure. I didn't move for a while, allowing him to accommodate to my length, and I only started to trust when he moved back and forth against me. I pounded hard inside of him, needing to let go of all the anger and the fear stored inside of me, and his head bent backwards as he started to moan and scream as I was hitting his prostate. I buried myself deeper inside of him with every trust and I started to suck and bite his neck, pinching his pulse between my teeth. His mouth was wide-open in silent screams and his eyes were clouded with tears, need and lust. I kissed him, unable to resist to those swollen red lips, and I drank his moans. He soon came between our stomachs and his clenching ass sent me over the edge as I flooded his insides. We stayed a bit like this, under the water, our brains muddled in the afterglow, and I released him, helping him to stand on his shaky legs.

"Sorry, I was a bit rough..."

"That's... That's fine..."

I helped him to wash himself as I saw that he was not completely back on earth. After the shower we went back to the living room and I let him cook. He was really great at cooking. We ate in silence and I noticed that he was barely eating. He was already skinny, eating like a bird was not going to help him to gain some weight. But since he hated to talk about his weight, I stayed quiet. Outside, it seemed that there was a storm approaching and I looked out at the window. It was not a normal storm. I could sense this. When I eyed Ilias, I noticed that his body was stiff. He sensed it too. Something was coming. Something dark.

"It's tonight."

"Yes, it's tonight."

"You are not alone Severus, you know that you can talk to me. I will never judge you."

I felt his arms around my waist and his chin rest on my shoulder as he kissed the side of my neck.

"You are not alone and you will never be, not anymore."

I kissed his temple and I looked at the moon hovering in the dark sky.

"We should go."

"Do you know where?"

"Draco talked about the Astronomy Tower."

"Then let's go."

We left my rooms and we were stopped by Minerva in the courtyard.

"Severus, Mr Crabbe, where are you going?"

"It is none of your business Minerva."

"Professor, you should put all the students in safety."

"Why?"

"Something is coming, it could be dangerous."

"And what about you?"

"I am no longer a student."

"And I will protect him."

Suddenly, the Dark Mark appeared in the sky and we started to run towards the Astronomy Tower, leaving Minerva behind us. We could not be late, I could not be late.

On our way to the Tower, we saw Death Eaters fighting with Aurors and members of the Order. Ilias stopped when he noticed a red-haired wizard fighting against Greyback.

"Ilias, we don't have the time."

"No!"

He took his wand out and pushed Greyback with a swirl of his hand. Greyback looked at him and growled, furious of being stopped by Ilias. I pushed Ilias aside, protecting him.

"We don't have much time."

We fought a bit against some Death Eaters and I saw that Ilias was keeping an eye on the red-haired wizard he saved, Bill Weasley. Something inside of me was bitter about this concern but I could also see that Ilias was always looking at me, worry and fear making his eyes shine. We had to make the members of the Order think that we were fighting for the Light while the Death Eaters knew that it was just a facade. Little by little, we were in the staircase leading to the top of the Astronomy Tower. Four Death Eaters were able to go to the top and we stood in front of the group of members of the Order. The path in front of us was blocked. I looked at Ilias and he nodded. Together we blew up the door before blocking it once again. Draco was aiming his wand at Dumbledore but he seemed unable to kill the man. I knew he would not be able to do it. He was not a murderer, unlike me. I barely heard Amycus talk to me. All I could hear was Dumbledore's voice and the way he was pleading. I knew what I had to do. I roughly pushed Draco aside and I stood where he was before aiming my wand at Dumbledore. I could feel that Ilias was behind me, taking care of Draco. The boy would need Ilias, he would his help and his presence. I looked at Dumbledore, revulsion and hatred could be easily seen on my face.

"Severus... Please..."

I aimed at him again and I took a deep breath.

_"Avada Kedavra_!"

The green lightning hit Dumbledore right in the chest and the man slowly fell backwards, his body seemed to flutter in mid-air before he disappeared from our sight, falling to the ground, meters below. Everyone in the room stared where Dumbledore had stood before I turned around.

"Out of here, quickly."

Ilias looked at me and I saw that he was, somehow, in pain. I could see it deep inside of his eyes, the sharp pain. He nodded and he led Draco towards the stairs.

"Draco, stay behind me."

I looked at him and I was stunned by the determined look on his face. The first thought that came to my mind was to tell him to stay behind me but he would never let me do it. Ilias led the group of Death Eaters and we soon heard noises coming from the top of the Tower. Someone had been there the whole time. Certainly Potter, he was always with the Headmaster. We hurried down and we met some members of the Order on our way down. We started to fight against them, Ilias still protecting Draco and shielding the spells aimed at them, and we struggled a bit to exit the Astronomy Tower. Once we were down, he walked towards the Apparition Zone. People were shooting spells at us and some Death Eaters were having difficulties to dodge them. Ilias was walking in front of us and he looked like a knight, walking down on a battlefield. He seemed huge, power was emanating from his body, his curly blond air was floating in the air, and his face and clothes were stained with blood. The only wound that I could see was a small cut on his left cheek. He looked like a King, shining with magic instead of gold. The rain made him look like an angel. Could angels also be warriors ? Then I noticed what I was thinking. The rain. It was raining. Ilias's prophecy was about rain. The first part of it at least. What was it again ? _The sky is crying but raindrops fall from our eyes. The Bishop will soon fall among the tears, killed by the Black Prince._ The Bishop will soon fall among the tears. The Bishop had to be Dumbledore. I could remember the way he fell, just like a chess piece in a Wizard's Chess play. The Bishop, yes it could easily describe the man. Dumbledore was clearly mad. The Black Prince could only refer to me. I knew it since Ilias told us the whole prophecy. I was a Prince in a way. My mother was a Prince and so was I. Black could refer to a lot of things. My hair, my eyes, my magic or even the fact that I was a Death Eater. It had be the meaning of it. What else could it be ? I heard Potter scream at me. Ilias and I were the only Death Eaters left as the others were already gone. I pushed Ilias aside as Potter started to shoot spells at me. I easily shielded them as Potter's intentions and moves were shouted in his unprotected mind.

"Fight back! Fight back, you cowardly..."

"Coward, did you call me, Potter? Your father would never attack me unless it was four on one, what would you call him, I wonder?"

_"Stupe_..."

"Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!"

_"Impedi_..."

But before he had the time to finish, Ilias sent a _Cruciatus Curse_ at Potter, making him kneel on the grass and scream in pain.

"No! Have you forgotten our orders? Potter belongs to the Dark Lord, we are to leave him! Go! Go!"

"I am not going to leave you with this...maniac!"

_"Sectum_..."

"No Potter!"

I saw Ilias rise his wand but I stopped him before he could do anything.

"You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them. _I_ , the Half-Blood Prince! And you’d turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father, would you? I don’t think so. . . _no_!"

"Kill me then. Kill me like you killed him, you coward..."

"DON'T CALL ME A COWARD!"

I sent him backwards, rage disfiguring my face, and I was about to sent him another spell when a huge bird, a hippogriff, stepped in front of me. Ilias grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Severus, be careful."

"You traitor! You told me you were not my enemy but you're helping him!"

"I have no side Potter. I choose to help those who matter to me. What I said is true, you are no enemy to me. But you are not important to me. I'd rather like that you live but if you threaten those I care for, I will not hesitate to kill you."

"What are you doing with him then!?"

"I told you, I help those who are important to me. He _is_ important to me."

"And the Twins!?"

"They are important too. Tonight I protected their brother."

"You were there when _he_ killed him!"

"Yes, I was."

"You _disgust_ me."

The beast moved forward again and Ilias pulled me backwards again.

"Severus, we need to go."

I looked at him and I saw that he was concerned. I was watching the hippogriff as it was still threatening. I nodded and we ran until we could disapparate.

We apparated in front of the Malfoy manor and I turned around to look at Ilias.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"I don't know, used the _Cruciatus Curse_ on him maybe!"

"He was threatening you! He was insulting you! I was just trying to protect you!"

"I told you, I don't need protection! You almost told Potter that you were a spy. Do you realize how foolish you were? You acted like a complete idiot!"

"I did it for you!"

"I never asked you to do anything for me!"

"For God sake Severus, I like you. You don't have to ask, I would do anything to keep you alive!"

"Then do one thing, stop being in the way."

"Severus, you are so stupid! Maybe that Potter was right! Maybe that you _are_ a coward!"

"DON'T CALL ME A COWARD!"

"Then act like a proper adult and listen to what I am telling you! Maybe that what I did was foolish but I did it because I wanted to protect you!

"How many times will I have to tell you? I. Don't. Need. You. I don't want you to protect me. I don't need your protection. I don't need you at all. Why are you even still here? I have no need to have you by my side."

I didn't see it coming but when his hand landed on my cheek, I felt it. Not just the pain of the slap but also the guilt of the words which just escaped from my mouth. I quickly looked at Ilias before looking at the ground, the pain and the fury I had seen in his eyes creating a bitter pain inside of my stomach. Regrets ? Yes, I was already regretting my words. I barely heard him use a privacy charm and an invisibility charm but I _did_ feel his lips crashing on mine. The kiss was violent, punishing, passionate but forgiving. How could I be so lucky to have him ? He broke the kiss and I gulped when I saw that he was still mad at me. He was somehow scary when he was angry. But he was also gorgeous. He stepped back and the charms he used became ineffective. We went inside of the manor and Draco quickly hugged Ilias. Draco stepped aside and I saw Greyback walking straight towards Ilias. I didn't have the time to react and Fenrir punched Ilias in the face. I made him fly across the room before he could hit him again and I knelt in front of Ilias. His nose was bleeding and a black eye was already starting to appear around his left eye.

"Ilias, are you okay?"

"I've been better."

_"Episkey."_

"Thank you."

I helped him to get back on his feet and I glared at Fenrir.

"Why did you hit him Greyback?"

"He is not one of us. I'm sure he is a bloody spy. Why would he have stopped me from killing that man?"

"Maybe because we had a mission and because that mission was more important than just killing one man. I would have done the same. And he was supposed to be seen as a member of the Order. It would have seemed weird for a member of the Order not to help a man from your side. He did what he had to do."

"Drop it Severus, he is not even listening to you."

I looked at him and I saw that his face was emotionless even if there was a raging fire burning in his eyes.

"Come with me Ilias, I will heal you."

"I'm fine."

"You still have a black eye."

"As you wish."

I took his hand in mine and I led him to my bedroom. He never came here before so when he sat on my bed, he started to look around, studying the room. I gave him some potions and he thanked me.

_End POV Severus_

* * *

I looked at him after I drank his potions. I was still pissed off by the way he behaved before and by the words he told me.

"You tried to protect me. Why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Yes, you do."

"I don't want you to die."

"This is not why you protected me."

"Why are you so cold all of a sudden?"

"Why can't I be? After what you told me."

"I made a mistake."

"Easy to say. But is it really what you think? Do you know what you want? What do you expect from me? What do you want?"

"I... I suppose that I like you too."

"You _suppose_?"

"I _do_ like you."

"Then why did you act like an idiot before?"

"You scared me. Back then, during the battle. I wanted to protect you but you seemed so far away."

"I was just in front of you."

"No, you looked...unreal. You were just walking. You were looking in front of you. You never moved your hand or your wand but no spell touched you. None of them. They all rebounded on some kind of a shield. You looked like one of those Muggle Gods of War. A mirage, a shadow walking on a battlefield like there was a road in front of you and this road was the only thing which existed. In a way, you scared me. But you also fascinated me. You looked so unreal that it was beautiful, majestic. It was as if you were only made of magic."

"That's..."

"...ridiculous."

"No, I was going to say that it is cute."

"Cute?"

"Well, it's not everyday that your boyfriend compares you to a God."

"Boyfriend?"

"Well, that's what you are, aren't you? Aren't we dating?"

"We never went on a date."

"Well, how would you describe our relationship?"

"I don't know, I have never thought about it. I suppose that we are lovers."

"That's fine for me. I mean, at least that's something."

The door of the bedroom opened and the Dark Lord came in. He walked closer to the bed and he took my chin in his hand, lifting up my head. My black eye was not gone yet.

"Who did this to you?"

"Greyback. He was mad because I stopped him."

"Why did you stop him?"

"He was going to kill someone. It would have slowed us. We had a mission to accomplish."

"So you stopped him?"

"Yes, I did. He had more chances of being killed than chances of succeeding and be alive afterwards. I don't like him but he is useful. Without him, we wouldn't have the werewolves on our side."

"So you did this for our cause?"

"Everything I do, I do it for you my Lord."

"Good boy."

He caressed my cheek and he stood up.

"Severus, make his black eye disappear while I take care of Fenrir's punishment."

"Yes, my Lord."

The Dark Lord walked out of the room and I looked at Severus.

"Is it me or did he look...concerned?"

"Maybe not concerned but it looked like he did care about your health. That's a first."

I let Severus heal my black eye and the wound on my cheek before I sprawled on his bed. I opened my arms wide and I watched him.

"Come here."

He hesitated but then he lay against me and I wrapped my arms around his body in a tight hug. I let my hand run through his hair.

"Do you remember when I was five and I was so sick that I had to go to your rooms at Hogwarts? Lucius and Narcissa were scared that I might give my sickness to Draco. You had to brew a lot of potions for me and I had spent the whole time watching you instead of sleeping. At first you were almost yelling at me and then you just let me watch you because I was not even listening to you."

"Yes, you were hypnotized by the potions."

"No, I was hypnotized by you, brewing potions. Your face was not cold. Your face was never really emotionless when you were just with me when I was a kid."

"Well, you were not a noisy child and you were curious."

"You taught me how to brew. I think that it's thanks to you that I love brewing potions. I love potions."

"You would be a great teacher."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes, I do. You are patient and you are interesting and interested. Students tends to prefer this type of teachers."

"If you say so, I could give it a try. But I suppose that I will have to wait until the war is over. If I live long enough to see it end."

"I'll make sure you will."


	15. 27th July 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilias insisted on joining the Death Eaters as they try to catch Harry before he can make it to a safe house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry for not updating for like two weeks. The last few days have been quite difficult for me as I'm struggling with my depression and I'm starting to think that I need to see a doctor about this because I realise that I can't handle this on my own nor can I try to ignore it. Even going to my University has become a nightmare, I almost had a panic attack yesterday. My friends are trying to help me because they know I'm depressed, but there's not much they can do. I think that the updates will be a bit sporadic from now on as I haven't been writing a lot since the end of my internship and I don't want you to wait a lot between the first and the second part of the story.   
> Hopefully, after this Friday, things will be a bit better as I more or less told my tutor that I was really depressed and she's such a mother hen that I know she's gonna try to understand why I'm down. I know she's not gonna let me be depressed, she's an awesome woman, I just hope it won't be too late.

Tonight, we were supposed to prevent the member of the Order to put Potter to safety. It was dangerous and Severus was mad at me because I asked to fight with. He was currently pacing on the carpet of my bedroom muttering words that I could not hear nor understand. Lucius was sitting on my bed while I was leaning against the door.

"Lucius, I can't believe that you are allowing him to do that!"

"Severus, he is not my son. And he is an adult. If he wants to fight, let him fight. I can't force him to stay here. We are both going to fight tonight. I would be an hypocrite if I was not letting him fight. If you want, stay close to him. But we have to go. It is almost time."

He stood up and left the room after I moved to let him go. I walked towards Severus and I took his hands in mine.

"Severus, please. Trust me. I will be careful."

"Don't do anything foolish. Stay close to me or to Lucius. Or at least, don't go too far. I want to be able to see you in case something happens."

"I will, I promise."

"Let's go, the others must be waiting for us."

I kissed him before I put my mask on. It was the first time I was wearing it. And the last I hoped. Severus also wore his mask and we joined the other Death Eaters in the garden. We all sat on our brooms before we took off in the moonless night. We soon arrived near 4 Privet Drive and we waited. We didn't have to wait long as members of the Order and Potters started to appear. I was confused. There was not one Harry Potter. No, there were seven copies of him. How were they supposed to know which one was the real one ? I was a bit glad when I spotted Bill Weasley. He had scars from Greyback's attack but, at least, he was alive. I followed Severus for a bit, thinking about with who the true Potter could be. It had to be Remus Lupin or Rubeus Hagrid. Since Severus was following Potter's second godfather, I decided to follow the half-giant. Some Death Eaters followed me and, soon, Potter was aiming us. Was he the real Potter, I was not sure. But, quickly, I was the only Death Eater who was following them since the others where probably dead after they falling from their brooms. The passenger of Hagrid's flying motorbike seemed to recognize me.

"You...monster! _Sectumsempra_!"

I dodged the spell and I looked behind me. No one else was here. I continued to follow the motorbike.

_"Stupefy_!"

"You are not going to take me down like this Potter. You are like an open book to me."

_"Sectumsempra_! You don't want your Master to be dead anymore? Is it because now you like the way he treats you? Ilias Crabbe, The-Man-Who-Grew-To-Love-Being-Raped! How does that sound?"

"You know nothing about me Potter. I would be careful if I were you."

"Why should I be careful? You haven't even tried to disarm me yet! Do my words hurt you so much that you forgot how to fight?"

"I am not here to fight against you."

"Oh yes, that's true! You're only here to open your legs and to watch people being murdered! What a fate! You are just a _coward_! A coward and a monster!

This time, I was angry. Really angry. I took my wand and I shot spells at him. Mainly harmless spells. He continued to insult me and at some point, I stopped being careful, letting my rage command my actions. He sensed it and he used it.

_"Sectumsempra_!"

This time, the spell hit my chest and it felt like claws were tearing my skin open, trying to take my guts out of my body. I stopped my broom and I put my free hand on my torso, trying to stop the bleeding. I heard other Death Eaters going after Potter but I just stayed still. It was Severus's spell. I didn't know how to stop the bleeding since those wounds had been caused by Dark magic. I looked at my hand and I saw that there was something dark on it. Blood. _My_ blood. I started to shiver. The air seemed cold around me even if we were in July. My teeth were chattering with cold. I was so cold. Why was it so cold ? Why was I all sleepy ? The metallic smell of my blood was giving me a headache and making my stomach flinch. My vision was now blurry. Suddenly, I was not on my broom anymore. I could not see the city below me anymore but the dark clouds hovering in the black sky. I was falling. I could hear the wind in my ears. I was falling so fast. I was going to crash. I was going to die. I heard a voice. There was a voice, a voice calling my name. I opened my eyes. When did I close them ? I tried to find the voice. I could hear it calling me, screaming my name. I was falling, nothing seemed to be able to stop my fall. I was going to die. Muggles were going to find my dismembered body tomorrow morning. _A man fell from the sky_. This is what the newspapers would say tomorrow. Lucius, Narcissa, Draco and Severus were going to be sad. Severus was going to feel guilty about my death. But it was not his fault, it was mine. I chose to follow Hagrid, I chose to leave Severus' side. Yes, it was my fault, once again. The voice seemed closer and I opened my eyes again. Why were they closed before ? It is when I opened my eyes that I saw him. Severus. He was on his broom, coming closer and closer. But the ground was so close now. I could almost smell the grass of the Muggles' lawns. He was coming too fast. He was going to crash. We were going to crash. He was right next to me now. Blood was starting to come out of my mouth and I was choking on it. I felt Severus's arm around me and I was pulled on the broom, in front of him.

"Don't you _dare_ die in my arms."

The ground was more than close but he managed to prevent us from crashing. We landed on a wasteland and Severus made me lay on the ground.

"Don't move, this is going to hurt. _Vulnera Sanentur. Vulnera Sanentur. Vulnera Sanentur."_

I clenched my fists and I did my best to prevent myself from screaming as the blood went back inside of my body. Severus knelt beside me and stroked my cheek once it was over.

"Potter did this to you."

"This...this is not a question."

"You almost died. You would have crashed in this field if I hadn't seen you fall from your broom. You promised me that you would stay close to me."

"I am sorry... I am such a failure..."

"No, you are not. Can you stand up? I have to bring you back to the manor. I don't have any dittany with me."

"I don't think so... My legs feel like they are made of cotton."

He hold me and he helped me to sit on the broom, in front of him. The flight to the manor seemed long and when we landed, I was sleepy. Severus carried me inside. We were the first to be back. Draco and Narcissa arrived quickly as they heard us come in. Severus sat me on a chair in the living room and he made the dittany come in his hand. He took off my shirt and he saw that some of my wounds were still open. He dropped some drops of the potion on my wounds and it felt like he was pouring liquid fire on my chest. I bit my hand to prevent me from screaming as the pain was intense. A few minutes later, the Dark Lord and the rest of the Death Eaters came in.

"Ilias, come with me."

"I am sorry my Lord but he needs to rest. His wounds are not completely healed. They could reopen."

"Then Draco, you will replace him."

"No. I can do it."

"Ilias, you can't. You are injured."

"Draco, come.

"Draco, sit down and don't move from that chair."

Draco sat down immediately and I leaned on the table to stand up. I walked towards the Dark Lord on shaky legs and Severus tried to stop me once again but I rose my hand, interrupting him.

"I am your toy. I might be used but I am not broken. I might be wounded but I am not dead. I can survive one more rape."

"As you wish. Follow me."

* * *

_POV Severus_

I stayed still as I watched was what happening before my eyes. No one dared to speak as they looked at Ilias and the Dark Lord. Never someone had the guts to talk like this to the Dark Lord. No one had ever surpassed the Dark Lord like this. By listening to Ilias instead of the Dark Lord, Draco had unintentionally given Ilias some power. Ilias was shown as a possible leader, a strong leader who was willing to sacrifice his body to help those who mattered to him. Bravery. That was usually a personality trait linked to the Gryffindor House but here, it was a Slytherin speaking. It was not just bravery. It was fraternity, a personality trait linked to the Slytherin House. No one moved for a moment, even after Ilias and the Dark Lord disappeared in a room nearby. We were all, somehow, moved by Ilias's sacrifice. No Death Eater present this day would agree to call it like this, but the fact that Ilias willingly gave his body to the Dark Lord, and even managed to have more authority than him, it meant something for us. After a few minutes, when we heard screams, we all left the living room without a word. I went to Ilias's bedroom and I waited for him. It felt like ages before he came in. He was limping and he was bleeding. I stood up, as I was sitting on the bed, and I helped him to lie on his bed. I poured dittany on his wounds and I looked at him. He was clearly in pain. I sat behind him and I made him lean against me. I stroked his hair and lulled him to sleep. I waited until he was slightly snoring to use Legilimency on him. I wanted to see what the Dark Lord had done to him. In fact, I knew what he had done to him but I needed to _see_ it.

_He is on his knees, on the soft and dark carpet covering the room. The Dark Lord is standing in front of him, his wand in his hand. This is no sound in his memory but I don't need it to understand what the Dark Lord is saying. He is mad. He is mad because Ilias seems to have some power over the Death Eaters. He uses the Cruciatus Curse on him and I can see Ilias's mouth open as he screams. Now, I am glad that there is no sound. I hate to see his face being disfigured by pain. He uses a lot of spells on him. The Cruciatus Curse, the Transmogrifian Torture and the spell Sectumsempra. He seems so small now, rolled into a ball on the rug, shaking and trying to protect his body. He is bleeding so much. The Dark Lord puts his wand in his pocket and he strips. I know what is going to happen and I don't want to see it but I, somehow, need to see it. Suddenly, someone grabs me and drags me out of Ilias's memory._

I looked at Ilias to see that his hand was clenched on my wrist. He was not looking at me.

"Ilias..."

"Why did you do that?"

"I needed to know what spells he used on you.

"You could have asked me. There was no need to make me go through this once again."

"I needed to see it."

"Why?"

"Because I failed to protect you."

"What did it make you feel to see this?"

"Guilt, pain, anger."

"You don't have to feel guilty about it. You are not responsible for this."

"When I saw you, curled up into a ball, I wanted to drag you out of this room so bad. But it was a memory, there was nothing I could do."

One day, it will be over. One day, he will not be able to hurt me. You don't have to worry about it."

"You are the one comforting me but _you_ are hurt. It should be the other way round."

"I don't mind reassuring you."

"I can't take it anymore. I can't let him hurt you."

"You have to. You have to let him hurt me. If you try to stop him, he will kill you."

He stood up and put some clothes on.

"Where are you going?"

"I promised to Mr Ollivander that I will go and see him today."

"He is a prisoner."

"Maybe, but he is an interesting man. I like to listen to him talk about wands."

"You need to rest."

"I'm okay Severus. But that's sweet of you to worry about my health."

He kissed me and he winked at me before going out of the room. He was going to kill me one day.

_End POV Severus_

* * *

I went to the kitchen and the house-elves gave me some food and a flask of water. I went down the stairs leading to the cells and I saw Peter Pettigrow in front of the door.

"Peter."

"You can't go there."

"Why?"

"Ollivander is a prisoner."

"Mr Ollivander is a man who is more clever than you will ever be. I suppose that even if he is a prisoner, he can have guests who possess some wisdom."

"You still can't go in there."

"And who is supposed to prevent me from going in? You maybe? What a joke."

With a wave of my hand, Peter was pinned to the wall.

"You are a follower Peter, not a leader. You don't stand a chance. You should seek for protection instead of wanting to impress people. They use you as a slave. What is your point in staying here?"

"You do not impress me."

"This is not my intention. Now, if you will excuse me."

I opened the door of the cell and I went inside. I quickly found the wand maker and I sat beside him.

"Good evening Mr Ollivander. How are you today?"

"I have known better Mr Crabbe."

I gave him the food and the water and I let him eat in silence.

"You are not like the other Death Eaters."

"I am not a Death Eater. I do not have the Mark on my arm."

"You are an unusual wizard."

"So I've been told and I can only agree. But I came here because I have a question, about my wand."

"Cypress wood, dragon heartstring core, thirteen and half inches and reasonably supple flexibility."

"Yes. My spells seem to be more powerful than they have ever been."

"I doubt that it has something to do with your wand. A wand can't alter or improve your magic abilities. A wand is a tool and a companion thanks to whom you can perform magic."

"So if my spells are more powerful, it means that I am more powerful?"

"Yes. I am sure that you have heard about the pure-blood families who blocked the magic of their children."

"Yes, I did. But I do not understand."

"When a witch or a wizard turn seventeen, their magic is somehow freed, they can fully use it. But when the magic is blocked, it can't and you stay with the magical abilities of a teenager. Sometimes, when the growth of power is really important, the blocks put on the magic of the child are not strong enough and more magic is released. It gives the person the impression that their spells are much more powerful because they were a bit below a student with no blocks on his magic. The truth is that their magic is completely released. I suppose that this is what happened to you."

"So...nothing is wrong with me?"

"No, nothing is wrong with you. But you should be careful."

"Why?"

“Wands of cypress find their soul mates among the brave, the bold and the self-sacrificing: those who are unafraid to confront the shadows in their own and other's natures. You are on a dangerous path Mr Crabbe. A path which could lead to your death."

I stood up and I walked towards the door before I stopped and turned around.

"I do not fear my fate Mr Ollivander. If I have to die so that others can live, I will die. I am not scared to die. We all will one day. And...I like to live dangerously. Good night Mr Ollivander."

"Good night Mr Crabbe."

I went out of the cell and I looked at Peter.

"What did it bring you to become a Death Eater? You lost your friends, you lost one hand, you became a slave and you were marked like one. Where is your gain?"

"I gained protection."

"You called this protection? I call this hell."

"If the Dark Lord could hear you, he would..."

"Torture me? Yes, he certainly would. Rape me? Yes, that too. But even if I stay quiet, he does that. I prefer to be beaten up for being myself than to be beaten up because he likes to hurt me. What is the point in doing what you are asked to do if you are going to be punished anyway? We are already losing this war. That's a fact. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go."

"Snape is waiting for you?"

"You should mind your own business, Peter."

"A lot of Death Eaters know about you and Snape."

"Then why is the Dark Lord not aware of it yet? Is it out of respect for us or out of fear that no one told it to the Dark Lord?"

"We respect Snape."

"That would be a first coming from a vermin like you."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think that I am unaware of what you and your friends did to him when you were students?"

"We were kids."

"You were teenagers. You were Gryffindors. You should have helped him instead of making things worse for him. You have no shame. You, among all the people, don't belong here. You are nothing more than a profiteer. Weak, useless, untruthful. You sold your own friends. You _disgust_ me."

I went back to my bedroom without looking back. Severus was still waiting for me, laying on the bed, reading a book. I took my clothes off and I snuggled against him. He covered our bodies with the duvet and he looked at me, letting his book rest on his chest.

"Was your conversation with Ollivander interesting?"

"Yes, it was very instructive."

"Was it?"

"Is it hard to block the magic of a child?"

"Not really, the younger the child is the easier it is. Why?"

"Mr Ollivander thinks that my magic was blocked and that would be why my spells seem much more powerful than before."

"It could be. An overload of magic when you turned seventeen could have destroyed the restrains on your magic."

"But who could do that to a child?"

"A long time ago, it was a common practice among pure-blood families.

I yawned, feeling the weight on everything that happened today rest on my shoulders.

"You should sleep, you are exhausted. I will watch over you. You need to rest to fully recover."

"Some people know about us. Pettigrow told me this."

"Do you believe him?"

"He is a coward and a liar. But he seemed to tell the truth. He said that no one spoke because they respect you."

"They envy me, it's different."

I yawned again and I felt Severus's hand stroked my hair.

"Sleep, you need it."

"Will you be here when I'll wake up?"

"I will."

I threw my arms around his chest and I closed my eyes.


	16. 28th March 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Golden Trio has been captured and brought to the manor. Ilias is the only one who can help them to escape. Will he be able to do so without blowing up his cover?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am sorry for not updating. Last week has been tough.

I was reading a book about potions when I heard a lot of noises coming from downstairs. I let my book on the table and I went to see what was going on. When I saw the Golden Trio, I went back to the library and I sent a message to Severus using my Patronus. I went in the staircase and I listened to what was happening. Bellatrix was torturing Hermione. Her screams were spine-chilling. Since no one was watching me and since no one knew I was here, I went to the cell and I found Peter's dead body. I opened the door of the cell and I discovered that only Ron and Potter were here. I helped them to get out and Ron took Peter's wand. When Weasley heard the screams of the girl, he started to rush but I stopped him.

"I can't help you more than I already did."

"You did _nothing_."

"They will kill me if they find out who I am."

"And who are you?"

"The Eagle, does it ring a bell?"

"You are..."

"A spy, yes. Now be careful, save your friend and go. You three have a mission to accomplish."

"But what about you?"

"Since when do you worry about me Potter?"

"But if..."

"Eagles can fly. Now leave, stop worrying about useless things."

"You _helped_ us."

"Did I?"

I smiled and I went back in my hideout. I watched the boys fight against the Malfoy family and Bellatrix. Dobby, Lucius's former house-elf, appeared and the Golden Trio dissapeared with him. Other Death Eaters apparated in the living room.

"Bellatrix, do you have Potter? You called the Dark Lord, we felt you touch the Mark."

"Potter was here, but someone told the Order that he was our prisoner."

"Who?"

"Your son, Crabbe. I believe he has always been a spy."

"Where is he?"

"In the library."

"Let's take him to the cell."

That was bad for me. Really bad. They were ten and I was alone. I slowly went back to my bedroom and I started to pack some things. I heard them coming upstairs and I hurried up.

"He is not in the library. Maybe in his bedroom."

Things were getting worse. I abandoned my bag and I ran out of the room, only to be grabbed by the neck by Fenrir Greyback.

"I found him. Where do you think you were going?"

"Back to the library?"

"You should not try to fool me. Some have tried and now they're dead."

I heard footsteps and I saw seven of the ten Death Eaters who were in the house next to me.

"Let's put him in his bedroom. Tie him to his bed."

Still holding my neck, Greyback dragged me inside of my bedroom and tied me to my bed with invisible ropes. All those who had a wand took turn in torturing me. All I could feel was pain and it was intense. I heard Bellatrix say that they had to try not to kill me because it had to be the Dark Lord's privilege. Some Death Eaters left the room. Indeed, only three of them stayed in my bedroom. And among them, there was my mother. Yes, my mother was among the remaining Death Eaters who were torturing me. I was screaming and I was trying to break my bonds. But I knew that this pain was going to be sweet compared to the pain the Dark Lord was going to inflict on my body. His revenge was going to be atrocious. My punishment and my death – because there was no way he was going to let me live after this – would be examples to prevent other Death Eaters to become spies. I felt a weird tingle in my body – or was in through my veins ? – and the pain increased, suffocating my senses.

* * *

_POV Severus_

When I received Ilias's message I hurried to finish everything I was doing and I apparated in Lucius' living room.

"Severus!"

Lucius's alarmed tone worried me.

"Lucius, what's going on?"

"They are torturing Ilias, they think that he is a spy."

"Ilias? A spy?"

"He helped Potter to escape."

"Bellatrix. Do you have any proof?"

"He is the only one who had the time and the opportunity to warn the Order."

"Did he say anything?"

"He tried to escape. Here is your proof."

There was a loud explosion upstairs and we all looked at the ceiling.

"I thought that they were only torturing him."

"They are supposed to only torture him."

"So what just happened?"

We rushed upstairs and we found the door of Ilias's bedroom laying on the floor. I saw Ilias's silhouette running out of the room and I supposed that others had seen him but we were all focused on the inside of the bedroom. It looked like it had been destroyed by a tornado and three broken corpses were lying on the floor, dead. Ilias's father knelt beside his wife's body, checking her pulse.

"He killed his own mother."

And then, the chase began. I stayed with Lucius, behind the group as we were running after Ilias. I was scared that he might do something he would regret later. We soon were able to see him and some Death Eaters started to shoot spells at him. He continued to run, covered in blood, and blew up the door leading to the roof. We followed him and we were soon struggling to stay on our feet. When we stopped, I feared the worse. I went in front of the group and I saw that Ilias was standing on the edge of the roof, looking at the ground, meters below. He turned around and he saw me, immediately. He smiled sheepishly.

"Ilias, you don't have to do that."

"Well, I don't really have the choice, do I?"

"You always have the choice."

"Yeah, I can choose between being tortured to death or just dying. The outcome is the same."

"Don't be so pessimistic, there is always an other possibility."

"I am not stupid Severus. I know what is going to happen to me. I am not a child anymore."

"Believe me, I know you're not."

He winked before he let his body tumble into the void. I ran as fast as I could on the roof and I stopped where Ilias had been standing. I looked down and I was surprised to see that there was no body. I looked around me and, suddenly, a golden eagle appeared out of nowhere. He glided in front of me and he seemed to wink at me. Steadworthy approached and stopped behind me.

"He succeeded..."

"What?"

"He succeeded. This is his Animagus form."

"You mean...?"

"Yes, this bird is Ilias."

The other Death Eaters heard this as well and aimed the eagle. _The Eagle will have to learn how to fly before his wings are torn as his secret will be uncovered._ Here it was. Ilias had to succeed in using his Animagus form or he would have been killed as the fact that he is a spy was discovered. The eagle fled towards the forest, trying to escape from the Death Eaters but he was hit by a spell shot by his father. As he seemed to fall in the forest surrounding the manor, we all disapparated from the roof to apparate in the forest. I went on my own, following some shouts while staying out of the other Death Eaters' sight. I used my Patronus to locate Ilias and I followed my doe as she was looking for her stag. I quickly found him, in his human form, trying to fight two Death Eaters at once. He was struggling but no spell shot by his father and Yaxley touched him. He made them step back and then, the ghostly silhouette of a woman appeared and she seemed to fight, protecting Ilias as he was unable to stand. Who was this woman ? Where did she come from ? She stunned Crabbe and Yaxley and I stepped forward as Ilias moved backwards, hiding behind a tree. The woman floated towards me, menacingly but, a few seconds later, she bowed her head and smiled to me before flying back – I suppose – inside of Ilias's body. He opened his mouth in what seemed to be a silent scream and his eyes were clouded with fear and pain. He rose his wand and shot a Cutting Jinx at me, wounding my left shoulder. I rose a shield around me and I walked up to Ilias. He tried to escape but I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him. He seemed so scared. I cast the Patronus Charm, showing him clearly who I was. He looked at me, seeming to recognize me, before he fainted, exhausted and wounded. I looked around and I saw that there was no one else than us, and Crabbe and Yaxley who were still unconscious. I carried Ilias in my arms and I apparated at Hogwarts, directly in my rooms. Being the Headmaster gave me some advantages, like being able to apparate and disapparate inside Hogwarts. I lay him on my bed and I undressed him. He had so much wounds, it was impressive. I noticed that his eyes were now bleeding. I healed him there first but I knew that his sight would be forever damaged. Some wounds could not really be healed because they had been caused by Dark magic but I did my best so that he would not have a lot of scars. After a moment, he opened his eyes and I saw them wandering, not being able to grasp where he was.

"Ilias, you're safe now."

"Severus?"

"I'm here, right next to you."

"You're...blurred..."

"I know, your sight was severely damaged."

"My mother..."

"What?"

"My mother aimed at my face with her spells. She must be the one who did this."

"She is dead."

"Yes..."

"What happened?"

"I don't really know... I think... I think that I was giving up. I thought that if I could die, I would not feel the pain. I stopped fighting. But...this woman appeared. There was an explosion and when I opened my eyes, she was gone."

"I saw her too, in the forest. She was protecting you. I heard a legend about powerful wizards. When they are in grave danger, their magic acts on its own. Magic has always been pictured as a woman. Your magic protected you. Twice."

"I am not powerful. Not that much..."

"You fought against your father and Yaxley while you were wounded and you made them step back."

"I was desperate..."

"You should rest."

"I am sorry..."

"About what?"

"I scared you. On the roof."

"Yes, you did. But you're alive. The rest doesn't matter."

"Still, I am sorry."

He hugged me and he smiled at me. I almost smiled in return. _Almost_.

_End POV Severus_


	17. 1st & 2nd May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco discovers that Ilias is alive and with Severus. It is also time for the Battle of Hogwarts. Will Ilias and Severus manage to survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry for not updating. I'm having troubles writing the second part of the story and I have a competitive exam next week so I spent most of my time working last week and the week before. I don't know when I will be able to publish next week, but I'll try. This chapter is rather long and sad, but I hope you'll enjoy it!  
> Also, the scene between Severus and Minerva, the scene with Severus in the Shrieking Shack and the scene of the fight between Harry & Voldemort are by JK Rowling, not me.

I woke up alone in the bed and I was about to sigh when I heard voices coming from the living room. Last night had been awesome. Severus had finally accepted to have sex with me again. Before, he was always saying that I was not completely healed. I smiled at the thought that I didn't really let him choose. I put whomever underwear I grabbed and I stopped behind the door, waiting until it was quiet. No one knew that I was here and no one could know. I opened the door and I immediately recognized the blurred silhouette of Severus, standing in the middle of the living room. I walked towards him and I put my arms around his waist, from behind, before I kissed the love bite I had made him yesterday.

"Ilias..."

"Yes?"

"You are not wearing your glasses I suppose."

"I left them on the table last night. Why?"

"You really have the sight of a mole."

"It's not my fault and you know that."

"Yes. _Accio glasses_."

He put the round magical glasses on my nose. Those glasses were really great. Anyone could wear them since they could adapt themselves to the one who was wearing them. At first, I didn't understand why I needed them so I just nibbled his neck but, when I looked in front of me, I froze. Draco Malfoy was facing us. He seemed shocked.

"Oh... Hum... Draco..."

"Severus, what is he doing here? You told me you had no idea of where he was."

"If I had told you that he was in my bedroom, how would you have reacted?"

"I... I don't know. Ilias, why do you need glasses?"

"Let's say that my _dear_ mother tried to fix my eyesight, but she failed. It's thanks to Severus that I am not blind. I can't really see without my glasses."

"But you walked straight to Severus."

"Yes, because I saw his blurred silhouette."

"I thought that you were dead..."

"It's also thanks to Severus that I am not. He saved me."

"Yes. Maybe that you should put some clothes on, don't you think?"

"Why?"

"Well, maybe because you don't want Draco to see you in my underwear once again."

"We grew up together. He already saw me naked and I did as well."

"As you wish."

"Every Death Eater is supposed to kill you if they see you."

"Will you?"

"No, I will never arm my brother."

"I am sorry that we didn't tell you, I feared that you would have problems because of me. Severus told me that the Dark Lord was mad after I disappeared."

"Yes, he tortured those who went after you. He is still looking for you. And he doesn't understand why he can't reach you through your Mark."

"I don't understand either but Severus said that my magic somehow purified me."

"Yes, it made his Mark disappear. I don't really know how but I think that it is linked to your magic physically appearing."

"What do you mean? Your magic physically appeared? Ilias! Do you realize how powerful it means you are?"

"Severus said that it was rare and that I certainly was powerful but I don't really feel like it is extraordinary. I don't feel different from an other wizard."

"Well, you definitely are. You just proved it to me."

"If you say so, I believe you. Does someone want to eat something? I'm cooking breakfast."

"I already ate but I won't say no to your pancakes. Even the house-elves can't beat your cooking skills."

"Admit it, you're glad I'm alive because you love the food I make."

Draco laughed and I smirked. Severus's lips twitched but he didn't smile, even if I could see something twinkle in his eyes. I kissed him and I walked to the kitchen. When I turned around, I saw that Draco seemed worried.

"Are you still hurt? You are limping."

"It's not because of my injuries. Let's say that it is a common domestic limping. It's a good pain."

"Oh... Oh! Ilias! Seriously!"

"What? You asked, I answered."

"I didn't ask for details."

"I didn't give any, believe me."

I felt Severus's body just behind me and he ran his hand through my hair. I turned my head and I beamed at him before I kissed him once again.

"You seem even closer than before."

"What do you mean?"

"The whole time I have been here, you have been holding each others. First, you, Ilias, hugged him from behind. Then Severus did the same two seconds after you let him go."

"We have to make up for the lost time."

"I get it. But if you could stop cuddling in front of me, that would be great. It's embarrassing. I mean... Severus is my godfather and you are like a brother to me. It's weird... It does not bother me, I can clearly see that you are happy but... Ilias, you used to call Severus _Uncle_."

"Ah, I see what's bothering you. In a way, it seems like incest to you."

"Well, a bit. I know that it's stupid. You are not even blood-related. But if it was my father who was holding you, I would feel exactly the same."

"Don't worry, this would seem wrong to me as well. Lucius is like a father to me. Severus was like my uncle but I grew up and I can tell you that I don't see him that way anymore. Not at all."

"I know. But when you kiss or hold each other, I just picture you as a seven years old boy reaching out to him to hug him and calling him _Uncle Sev_. I can see that it changed but...sometimes I just have those memories coming back and it almost feels _wrong_."

"What would make it right in your mind?"

"I don't know. Maybe that it will fade with time. I suppose it will. I hope."

I cooked and we ate in silence. When Draco left, there was a sort of awkward moment. I was looking at Severus and Severus was staring back but no one spoke.

"I don't see you as my uncle anymore."

"I know."

"This is embarrassing... I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to justify our relationship. You too were like a nephew to me before. But I guess you stopped to be, a long time ago. I really noticed it during your sixth year, when you danced with George Weasley. I was jealous but I didn't really know why. I had no right over you, I still have no right over you. I have always been attracted to you. If it was not to protect you when you were a child, it was to own you as you grew up. Lucius had a duty of care but I wanted to be the one who had to care for you, the only one."

"Do you remember when I was eleven, when I was sorted into Slytherin? I was so scared because I was the smallest Slytherin. They were all mocking me. They were all saying that I was too kind, too pure, too nerdy, too weird to be a Slytherin. You saw it, you _felt_ it. You took me with you and you gave detentions to all those who had mocked me. You took me to your rooms and you let me cry against you, you let me sleep with you. You always supported me. _Always_. As you said, Lucius was there too. But it was different. It has always been different. When he picked me up at King's Cross, people saw him as a father figure, just like I did. Why do you think that he is the one I called _dad_ when I knew how to speak? I called you uncle because I had no other word to describe you as a child. You were not my godfather, you were not my father nor a father-like person. You were protecting me, you were helping me, you were always there when I needed you. You were giving me something that no one else was willing to give. Yourself. I was not related to you in any way but you were always there for me. You cared about me in a way no one else did. Even as I towered you after the summer between my third and fourth year, you stayed the same with me. Showing me respect when you could, helping me, making me hate you sometimes, obliging me to call you Professor when all I wanted was to curl into a ball, against your chest, crying, as I felt useless, unwanted, hated and weak. You hurt me and made me feel loved. I don't want this to go away. I am your limping man and you are my crutch. When I stumble you are always here, catching me before I can fall. I don't know what I would be without you. I don't know what I would do without you. I would certainly be at the Dark Lord's mercy. I wouldn't be a spy. I wouldn't have fought. I would be a slave. I would have let people walk all over me. I would have been even more bullied. I would have been that lonely child who spends all his free periods in the library, that child who always sits in front of the professor's desk and at who the others throw paper pellets, that child who cries in his bed at night when the others are asleep, that child who tells to his parents that everything is fine at school and that he has a lot of friends. That's what I would have been without you. I don't know for how long I would have coped with it. I would have given up before the end of my seventh year, that's a fact. I am more than willing to let you take care of me. You are a part of me, my other half."

I closed my eyes as he stoked my cheek and he kissed me. It was not a passionate kiss and yet, I was moaning against his lips. When I opened my eyes, I saw him look at his left arm.

"The Dark Lord?"

"Yes, he is calling us again. I won't be long, I promise."

"I'll be waiting for you. I always will."

"Is that a promise?"

"It is. Now you should go or he will be angry."

Severus quickly kissed me again and then he left.

When he came back, I was reading a book in our bed. It was late in the evening but I was not surprised. Sometimes Severus would not come back for days. He undressed and lay beside me, under the covers. Something happened. I could sense it. I put my book on the bedside table and I looked at him.

"What happened?"

"It's tonight."

"What is tonight?"

"The final battle. It is tonight. Here, at Hogwarts."

I was not prepared to hear this. I let my head rest against his chest and he kissed my forehead.

"Tonight..."

"I know."

He kissed my eyelids, my cheeks, my nose, my chin, nibbled my neck and my ears, before he kissed my lips, bruising them, attacking my tongue with his, dominating me with all his strength, with all his need, with all his fear. He took off my pajama shirt and his nails grazed my chest. I whined and I bucked my hips. His hands slid on my hipbones before they took my underwear off. He sat between my legs and took one of my legs in his hands before he kissed my inner thigh. I chocked on my breath and tears started to run down my cheeks at the thought that it could be the last time we would see each other. Maybe that one of us was going to die tonight. Maybe that we were both going to die. Severus kissed my tears and drank my sobs before he whispered softly in my ear, making me calm down a bit. He inserted one finger inside of my body and slowly stretched me. Soon, he was adding a second and a third finger. As I was moving back and forth on them, he withdrew them and I whimpered at the loss. I felt something bigger against my opening and he slid home. His movements were languid and slow, just like his kisses. Our kisses were salty because of my tears. Our orgasms built slowly in our chests but when it came, it was breathtaking and powerful.

When our breaths stopped being erratic, we realized that the room was pitch black. Severus rolled on his back and lightened a candle. He hugged me and we stayed like this until Severus's Mark moved. It was not the Dark Lord calling him, it was an other Death Eater who had touched his Mark. Severus cleaned our bodies with a _Tergo_ and we dressed up in silence. Before we exited the bedroom, Severus grabbed my hand.

"Promise me that you won't die, that you won't do anything foolish."

"I will, only if you do the same."

"I promise."

"I too promise you that I won't die. But don't forget, if you are about to die, you have the Phoenix Tears."

"I know, the bottle never leaves my neck. Now, we should go."

"You are not trying to put me to safety?"

"When is the last time that you listened to me when I told you to stay safe?"

"I never did I think. I've always been...adventurous."

"I know that. I've seen you fall and get up quite a lot."

"I always got up. I always did because there was something that made me get up. I was never alone."

"You will never be. Now, off we go."

We went separate ways. No one could see us together. I had to join the member of Dumbledore's Army, who were, certainly, in the Room of Requirements, and he had to join the Carrow twins, and especially Alecto as she was in the Ravenclaw common room. But nothing happened as we expected. As I was passing through an empty corridor, I heard footsteps. This aroused my curiosity, I needed to know who it was. I followed the footsteps and I almost bumped into the Professor McGonagall as she stopped in the middle of the corridor. I stepped back and I hid behind a column. She raised her wand, ready to fight.

"Who's there?"

"It is I."

Severus stepped from behind an armor and I believe that I stopped breathing at this exact moment. No one except me and Dumbledore knew about Severus's true loyalty. He was in danger.

"Where are the Carrows?"

"Wherever you told them to be, I expect, Severus."

Severus stepped forward again. I could tell that he had sensed something.

"I was under the impression that Alecto had apprehended an intruder."

"Really? And what gave you that impression?"

He bent his left arm and I remembered the way his Mark moved on his forearm.

"Oh, but naturally. You Death Eaters have your own private means of communication, I forgot."

I wanted to intervene so bad. As she was insulting Severus, I had this feeling that this was insulting me as well.

"I did not know that it was your night to patrol the corridors, Minerva."

"You have some objection?"

"I wonder what could have brought you out of bed at this late hour?"

"I thought I heard a disturbance."

"Really? But all seems calm. Have you seen Harry Potter, Minerva? Because if you have, I must insist..."

At this exact moment, Minerva's wand slashed through the air and, for a moment, I thought that it had hit Severus. I knew how reluctant he was about hurting his colleagues, his friends. I also knew what I had to do. I stepped out from behind the column and I looked at Severus. He seemed surprised to see me and he nodded slightly. I took out my wand and I aimed at Severus. Minerva looked astonished but also pleased to see that I was on her side, not knowing that Severus was on our side too. We fought together for some time before we heard footsteps coming from behind us. I turned around and I saw Professors Flitwick and Sprout running toward us, followed by Professor Slughorn.

"No! You'll do no more murder at Hogwarts!"

He rose his wand and the armor, behind which Severus was protecting himself, came to life. He managed to break free from the crushing arms and he sent it toward us. I dodged it as it was going to hit me and the armor smashed into the wall instead. When I was back on my feet, I saw the teachers hurrying into a classroom and I followed them, only to discover a broken window and a screaming Professor McGonagall.

"Coward! COWARD!"

Potter and Luna Lovegood came in, as if they were not two outlaws. Professor McGonagall turned around and looked at the Gryffindor and at the Ravenclaw, not surprised at all by their sudden appearance.

"He jumped."

"You mean he's _dead_?"

I choked at the idea that Severus could be dead and I sat on a chair, not trusting my shaky legs enough to stay still, standing.

"No, he's not dead. Unlike Dumbledore, he was still carrying a wand...and he seems to have learned a few tricks from his master."

I stood up and I walked to the window, sighing at the view of Severus's flying form. A wand was suddenly pressed against my neck. Professor McGonagall's wand.

"Mr Crabbe, may you inform me of what you are doing here?"

"Fighting, I thought that it was clear."

"You are a Death Eater."

"I have never been a Death Eater. Not even for a single second."

"Then why did you seem happy to know that Severus Snape was not dead?"

"He is my lover."

"Then how are we supposed to trust you?"

"I do trust him Professor."

"Mr Potter?"

"I do too, Professor."

"Ms Lovegood?"

"He saved our lives."

"And he is the Eagle, am I right?

"You are always right Luna, you know that. She is a Seer in case no one is aware of it."

"A Seer?"

"She is like Professor Trelawney but...unlike her, she does not only tell you that you will die every time she sees you."

"Oh, well. I suppose that if they trust you then we can as well."

She freed me and I turned around.

"Concerning my side in this war, I chose the only one which will protect those I call family."

"I see. Who is your family if you even have to fight against your own lover?"

"The Weasley Twins and Draco Malfoy."

"Professor!"

We turned around to look at Potter who had his hand pressed against his forehead, on his scar.

"Professor, we've got to barricade the school, he's coming now!"

"Very well. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is coming, Potter has work to do in the castle on Dumbledore's orders. We need to put in place every protection of which we are capable while Potter does what he needs to do."

"You realize, of course, that nothing we do will be able to keep out You-Know-Who indefinitely?"

"But we can hold him up."

"Thank you, Pomona. I suggest we establish basic protection around the place, then gather our students and meet in the Great Hall. Most must be evacuated, though if any of those who are over age wish to stay and fight, I think they ought to be given the chance."

"Agreed. I shall meet you in the Great Hall in twenty minutes with my House."

I barely listened to the rest of the conversation, lost in my thoughts. When I left an hand on my shoulder, I jumped in surprise. It was only Professor Flitwick. We were alone in the classroom.

"Something is worrying you."

"I am not a Death Eater but... I don't know how to explain this."

I took off my shirt and I heard him gasp at the sight of my numerous scars.

"He likes to play with toys. He likes to see how much he can hurt them without breaking them."

"What do you mean by toy?"

"Pet, if you prefer."

"I am sorry."

"I am as well. But I am alive. What worries me is that the Dark Lord will try to hurt those who matter to me. He will try to kill them. I don't want anyone to die because of me, because of my choices."

"If one of your friends die tonight, it will not be your fault, you planned none of this. You are a victim, not a culprit."

"Severus told me that a lot of time. But I am still worried. I have killed before. I am not just a victim."

"We are not white or black."

"I know, we are all shades of gray. But some of us are grayer than others. Your magic is quite bright, barely stained by Dark Magic. I always keep in mind what you told me during my first year. Magic is not black or white or gray. What taint our magic is the intent we put behind our spells. Magic is a pure force. We taint it.”

"It is true. But our struggles can also taint our magic. As well as our emotions. Harmless spells can be deadly if they are used by someone who is angry. But now is not the time to discuss about this. As I recall, you have always been gifted with Charms. Would you like to help me?"

"What do I have to do?"

"You just have to shoot protection spells. All the spells combined will form a dome."

I helped him for a while until he had to join his ravens and lead them to the Great Hall. I strengthened the wards and the protections around the castle. I left the classroom and I went to the Great Hall where all the students had already been gathered. In fact, for an unknown reason – at least to me –, the students of the Slytherin House were being escorted out. I quickly saw Draco among them before I was grabbed by two pairs of arms.

"If it isn't our favorite Slytherin!"

"Fred! George! How are you?"

"Well, we're alive for now. But we are ready to fight."

"If any Death Eater hurt you, I'll skin him alive."

"You're starting to show some Gryffindorish qualities."

"Fraternity is a Slytherin quality, not a Gryffindorish one."

An older ginger man with scars on his face approached us. We shook hands and he introduced himself.

"My name is Bill Weasley, I am the eldest of the sons of Arthur and Molly Weasley. You might not remember it, but you saved me last year, during the battle, from Greyback."

"Of course I remember it. My name is Ilias Crabbe."

"Ilias Crabbe... Why does that name ring a bell?"

"Bill, do you remember the summer vacations of our second year?"

"What do you think I am? A Remembrall?"

"We brought someone home, a Slytherin."

"Oh, yes. I remember. A very small and thin boy with blond hair and beautiful blue-green eyes."

Thank you for the compliment, about my eyes."

"What? But you are..."

"Huge now, yes. I grew up a lot between my third and fourth year."

"I remember, you came to our house and our father sent a message to yours, saying that you had safely arrived. Your father was mad and he brought you back home."

"I was supposed to spend to vacations at the Malfoy manor but your brothers had asked me to spend the vacations with them. Lucius had agreed and I came. Only to be force to go with my parents a few hours later."

"Yes, I remember. Your father was furious."

"Let's stop talking about my father. We have a war to win."

"Yes and you..."

"...Are coming with us."

"Where are going?"

"Securing the passageways."

I nodded and I went with them, followed by other members of the Order.

We waited and waited, no even daring to say a word. For once, the Twins remained silent. After a certain amount a time, we saw flash of light attacking the dome protecting the school and the first footsteps coming for the passageway we were defending could be heard. I stunned the first Death Eater who appeared and after this, everything seemed like we just stepped in hell. There was dust everywhere and we could barely see a thing. There was a huge hole in the wall behind us and we could see witches and wizards fighting in the courtyard. Our protections didn't last long. I looked at Fred and George. They were not really injured, their faces were just covered with cuts. There were too much Death Eaters for us. We had no chance.

"Fred, George, stay here."

"What are you going to do?"

"Someone has to make those snakes wander a bit."

"Be careful."

"I am always careful."

I winked and I stood up, facing a group of six Death Eaters.

"Hey dunderheads! Are you looking for something?"

They immediately recognized me and I grinned. It was so easy. I started to run and they chased me, shooting spells at me. We passed by some fighters and they all seemed startled by the sight we were offering. I was grinning like a fool and I was chased by six furious Death Eaters. When I came to a dead end, I heard a laugh behind me.

"You are trapped traitor!"

"Don't forget that you are talking to a snake. Snakes are not easy to catch."

I aimed my wand at the window and I cast a _Bombarda_ on it, breaking it. I jumped on the edge and I winked at the Death Eaters before letting my body fall. I instantly turned into an eagle and I flew downwards, to help the wizards who were fighting in the courtyard. I could see the first corpses. I attacked some Death Eaters before I noticed the giants who were trying to smash the wizards with their feet. I flew towards them and I aimed my claws at their eyes. I burst the eyes of two of them before I was hurt by a spell, forcing me to land. I looked for the person who hurt me and I saw my father running toward me. We fought for a long time, minutes maybe hours, I have no idea. None of us won because we had to run to avoid a crashing giant. I fought against a lot of Death Eaters and I killed some of them. While I was fighting, I spotted the bodies of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Lupin and I cast a charm on them so that their bodies would not be deteriorated. I knew that they had a child, a little boy, and it really pained me to know that this baby boy would not be risen by his parents. At some point, I saw Draco. He was in danger but, as I was approaching, Ron Weasley saved him. I ran toward my brother in everything but blood and I hugged him, happy to see that he was alive and, mostly, uninjured.

"Stay with me, I will protect you."

"But I am not even on your side."

"You will always be on my side, whatever it is, I promised that I will protect you and I will not fail. Even if it means that I have to die."

I stunned an Acromentula as it was running toward us and we had to fight against two Death Eaters. We managed two win over them but we only stunned them. I was not willing to kill someone in front of Draco. Suddenly, I lost the sight of Draco as I was grabbed by the neck and pinned against a wall, my feet not touching the ground. I saw Greyback staring at me with a sadistic smile on his face.

"Did you think that you could escape from me?"

"Well, I did it twice. As we say, things always come in threes."

"Don't mess with me. This time, I will bring you back to the Dark Lord and he will agree to give me your delicious body as a reward."

"A reward for what? Leaving the battlefield? Letting me escape from the Malfoy Manor? You don't deserve a reward. Death awaits you."

"Are you trying to impress me?"

"No, I am trying to distract you and it is a complete success."

I smiled and I head-butted him, breaking his nose. I punched him and I managed to step back.

"It seems that the kitten has learned to use his paws. Do you think that you can beat me like this?"

"No, but I can try."

I dodged his fists until someone grabbed me from behind and blocked my arms.

"It seems that your father kindly offered to help me."

"Father?"

"You are no son of mine. My blood does not run through your veins. You are _nothing_. And you are going to die."

Greyback grinned and punched my face, breaking my nose, certainly some teeth, before he struck me in the chest. My sight was blurred and reduced by a sort of red fog hovering in front of my eyes. I was bleeding, I could feel it. I could taste the blood in my mouth. Suddenly, I felt something tearing my torso and a scream of pain escaped my mouth. Greyback was now using his claws to torture me. The werewolf seemed to enjoy my screams and he licked the blood escaping from my wounds. I struggled, trying to break from my father's iron grip but I only managed to hurt myself even more. My sight was darkening and the sounds of the battle around me turned into an annoying buzzing. I heard a scream. Or, at least, it seemed to be a scream. Then, I collapsed on the floor. Was it grass ? Was it a pavement ? I don't know. I felt hands opening my shirt. Or maybe that it was the wind. Then, there was nothing. Nothing except nothingness.

* * *

_Severus POV_

I had been called by the Dark Lord, at least, that's what Lucius told me. He was waiting for me in the Shrieking Shack.

I had seen the the battle, hidden. I had seen Ilias being tortured. Because there was no other word to describe it, right? I had heard his screams, his pleas. I had felt his pain as if it was my own. But I could not intervene. I could not blow up my cover. It was painful to see him like this and not be able to help him, to save him. I had seen Bill Weasley stop this massacre. It should have been my job and I felt a bit jealous. I knew that it was stupid. Bill Weasley was married to this French girl, Fleur Delacour, the champion of Beauxbâtons during the Triwizard Tournament. And Ilias, Ilias was _mine_. Mine and mine alone. I had watched Bill and Draco carry Ilias's body inside of the castle, his unmoving body. He could not be dead. I would have felt it, wouldn't I? I realized that Ilias was now an important part of my life. He was more important than anyone has ever been. I had some lovers, not much but still a certain number. And yet, none of them had been so important. They meant nothing to me and I was not interested in their fate. So why? Why was he so important?

I apparated in front of the Whomping Willow and I immobilized it before slipping inside of the tree. I lit up my wand and I followed the small passage leading to the inside of the Shrieking Shack. I found the Dark Lord, standing in the middle of the main room, Nagini swirling and coiling in a strange sphere.

"My Lord, you asked for me?"

"Indeed Severus. I have heard that Ilias had been seen in the battlefield, fighting us."

"I have heard of this as well my Lord but I have not found the man, yet. And, my Lord, their resistance is crumbling..."

"...and it is doing so without your help. Skilled wizard though you are, Severus, I do not think you will make such difference now. We are almost there...almost."

"Let me find the boy. Let me bring you Potter. I know I can find him, my Lord. Please."

I could smell how bad this was going to be for me. The Dark Lord was displeased and I was the only one around. I walked toward him and he stood up.

"I have a problem, Severus."

"My Lord?"

"Why doesn't it work for me, Severus?"

He was showing me his wand and I froze. Was his wand not working?

"My...my Lord? I do not understand. You...you have performed extraordinary magic with that wand."

"No. I have performed my usual magic. I am extraordinary, but this wand...no. It has not revealed the wonders it has promised. I feel no difference between this wand and the one I procured from Ollivander all those years ago. No difference."

This was really, _really_ bad for me. I could feel that the Dark Lord was angry, _furious_ , even if his face was blank.

"I have thought long and hard, Severus... Do you know why I have called you back from the battle?"

"No, my Lord, but I beg you will let me return. Let me find Potter."

"You sound like Lucius. Neither of you understands Potter as I do. He does not need finding. Potter will come to me. I know his weakness, you see, his one great flaw. He will hate watching the others struck down around him, knowing that it is for him that it happens. He will want to stop it at any cost. He will come."

"But my Lord, he might be killed accidentally by one other than yourself..."

"My instructions to my Death Eaters have been perfectly clear. Capture Potter. Kill his friends – the more, the better – but do not kill him. But it is of you that I wished to speak, Severus, not Harry Potter. You have been very valuable to me. Very valuable."

"My Lord knows I seek only to serve him. But...let me go and find the boy, my Lord. Let me bring him to you. I know I can..."

"I have told you, no! My concern at the moment, Severus, is what will happen when I finally meet the boy!"

"My Lord, there can be no question, surely...?"

"...but there _is_ a question, Severus. There is. Why did both the wands I have used fail when directed at Harry Potter?"

"I...I can't answer that, my Lord."

"Can't you? My wand of yew did everything of which I asked it, Severus, except to kill Harry Potter. Twice it failed. Ollivander told me under torture of the twin cores, told me to take another's wand. I did so, but Lucius's wand shattered upon meeting Potter's."

"I...I have no explanation, my Lord."

I kept looking at the snake, I had a very bad feeling about this. Nagini's presence was just confirming this feeling.

"I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore."

I knew the legend behind the wand. I knew where this was going. But I could not die, not now. Not with Potter not knowing what he had to do, that he had to die. I looked at the Dark Lord and I knew that I was going to die. He was going to kill me. I had to leave this place alive. If I was to die and that Ilias was to live, I knew that he would do something foolish. If I was to die, Lucius would have to look after him, making sure that he would not attempt to end his life.

"My Lord...let me go to the boy..."

"All this long night, when I am on the brink of victory, I have sat here, wondering, wondering, why the Elder Wand refuses to be what it ought to be, refuses to perform as legend says it must perform for its rightful owner...and I think I have the answer. Perhaps you already know it? You are a clever man, after all, Severus. You have been a good and faithful servant, and I regret what must happen."

"My Lord..."

"The Elder Wand can't serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand can't truly be mine."

"My Lord!"

"It can't be any other way. I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last."

The Dark Lord moved the Elder Wand and I thought, for a split second that he was either going to kill me or going to spare me. Then I saw it, the cage coming towards me. A yell escaped my mouth as it encased me, head and shoulders. Then there was a hissing sound and I screamed as the snake's fangs pierced my neck. I tried to push the enchanted cage in which Nagini was but I failed. Again and again. My knees gave way and I fell to the floor.

"I regret it."

But there was no regret in his voice. It was cold, emotionless. There was no sadness nor remorse. Nagini swooped again and again on my neck, relentlessly. And then, it was gone. The cage and that bloody snake were gone. I fell sideways onto the floor, blood gushing from the wounds of my neck. I pressed my fingers against the wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. But even if I could stop the bleeding, I would not be able to stop Nagini's venom from killing me.

I heard a rustling and I darted my eyes towards the sound. Potter emerged from behind some crates. He approached me and I grabbed the front of his robes when he bent over me.

"Take...it... Take...it..."

He seemed startled by my words and I thought that he did not what I said. But after a few seconds, he saw it, the silvery blue liquid, my memories. He seemed lost, not knowing how to take it. I saw Ms Granger coming towards us and she stopped behind Potter, giving him a flask. Potter filled the bottle and I looked at him, my grip on his robes weakening.

"Look...at...me..."

Green eyes locked at mine and I felt my strength leave my body. My grip on Potter's robes loosened and my hand thudded to the floor. Potter must have thought that I was dead on something because he stared at me for quite a long time, at least to my liking. He stared at me until a cold voice spoke and he jumped in fear. It was the voice of the Dark Lord.

"You have fought valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste. Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately. You have one hour. Dispose of you dead with dignity. Treat you injured. I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you. You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour."

My conscious was slowly fading but I had to hold on. If not for me, for Ilias. I remembered what Ilias had told me. _But don't forget, if you are going to die, you have the Phoenix Tears_. How could I even forget such a precious information? The Golden Trio seemed to have left. I lifted my hand, slowly, carefully, and I drew the tie and I took the vial in my shaking hands. I drank the content of it and then everything became black.

_End Severus POV_

* * *

I blinked at the sudden burst of light and I fluttered my eyes close. I groaned and I rose my left arm to protect my face from the light.

"Severus, close these damn curtains!"

"I am sorry Mr Crabbe but I am not who you think I am."

"Madam Pomfrey? Where am I?"

"You are in the Great Hall, lying on a bed. You have been seriously injured but I managed to heal you. You will have scars but I closed your wounds."

"Ilias!"

I sat on the bed and I was hugged by Draco.

"Be careful Mr Malfoy, your friend still needs to rest."

"I am fine Madam Pomfrey, I assure you."

"You almost _died_ Mr Crabbe. Without the help of Bill Weasley and Mr Malfoy, you would _be_ dead."

"Well, I am not and you healed me."

She left us, muttering under her breath, and I looked at Draco. He seemed uninjured but I still had to check.

"How are you ?"

"I am fine. But..."

"What?"

I glanced behind him and I spotted a bunch of red-haired people. The Weasley family. They were holding each other, crying. Then I saw it, the body. No, it could not... Why? Who? The pain and the sadness which were boiling inside of my stomach turned into fury, rage, anger. Who? I stood up and my eyes met the eyes of George. They were sad and full of sorrow. Who? Who had done this? Who was going to pay for it? I looked at Fred's body. No one had the right to do this. My brother. Family was sacred. The culprit will have to pay for this. Blood will have blood. I ran towards the exit, ignoring Draco's and George's screams, ignoring the physical and the emotional pain. I wanted to go where they were. I knew where the Death Eaters were. The Forbidden Forest. This was my goal. I was in the courtyard when I was pinned on the pavement. Blood ran cold through my veins at the thought that it could be my father, or worse Greyback, and I struggled, trying to break free.

"Stop it Ilias!"

George? Why would George stop me?

"Let me go."

"I lost a brother tonight, I will not lose another one."

"Let me go!"

"Where will you go if I release you?"

"I will kill him! I will kill them all!"

"They will kill you before you even have the chance to stand in front of them."

"I don't care!"

"I _do_! I lost Fred, I won't lose you. I will not let you walk into the lions' den!"

"But they killed Fred! They killed him! I..."

"Revenge is not the solution. This is not what Fred would want us to do."

My body started to shake and, before I could notice it, tears rolled on my cheeks and sobs shook my chest. Again, this bitter feeling in my guts turned into sadness, pain and sorrow. Fred was gone. _Gone_. My brother was gone. I screamed and screamed and screamed, until my voice was hoarse and my throat burning. The pain was choking me. It was suffocating. I screamed again and again, letting all this pain leave my body, trying to make it stop. And George let me. He just held me against him, stroking my hair, trying to soothe me. I could not stop screaming. Why? Why was everything falling apart? Why did everyone around me have to die? _Why_? Why did it hurt so much? Why was life so unfair? Screaming was hurting me but there was no way I could stop. The pain seemed to have no end. Only a beginning. It was hammering through my chest, my heart. My screams turned into whimpers as my voice gave up and, after a moment, one could only hear my sobs. This night, something broke inside of me. George managed to calm me and only hiccups escaped my mouth. He helped me to stand up and we sat on the stairs. I let my head rest against his chest and his fingers slid through my hair, in a comforting gesture. We stayed like for a long time until I broke the silence.

"We have to win. We can't lose. Fred did not die in vain. We have to win. Even if I have to die for it, we will win. My _brother_ will only be at peace when this will be over. He will rest when Voldemort will be dead and the Death Eaters dead or in Azkaban. We can't lose. We don't have the right."

"We will win, I promise. We will win, _brother_."

We went back inside of the Great Hall. Everyone was looking at us. If some doubted that I was on their side, their doubts seemed to be gone now. They all seemed sorry. Tonight, everyone had lost someone. A friend, a brother, a sister, a father, a mother, a husband, a wife, a lover. Everyone was mourning the loss of someone. Draco ran towards me and I hugged him.

"I'm scared Ilias..."

"I will protect you. I will not let anyone hurt you. I promise."

We sat in a corner for a moment before Bill came to see if I was healed. Then the other Weasley came to check on me. Ginny and Ron stayed away from us, certainly because of Draco's presence. George stayed a bit with us, not bothered by the fact that Draco was in my arms.

"What about you and Snape?"

"What do you mean?"

"If he does not die tonight, he will be sent to Azkaban. He is a Death Eater."

"It's...complicated."

"What is complicated?"

"He is not really who you think he is."

"You mean that he is with us."

"There is nothing I can tell you. This is not my role."

Then, we all lifted our heads towards the ceiling as Voldemort's voice echoed in the Great Hall.

"Harry Potter is dead. He was killed as he ran away, trying to save himself while you lay down your lives for him. We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone. The battle is won. You have lost half of your fighters. My Death Eaters outnumber you, and the Boy Who Lived is finished. There must be no more war. Anyone who continues to resist, man, woman, or child, will be slaughtered, as will every member of their family. Come out of the castle now, kneel before me, and you shall be spared. Your parents and children, your brothers and sisters will live and be forgiven, and you will join me in the new world we shall build together.

We all watched each other's face, scared that it might be the truth, scared that it might be the end. Slowly, those who were able to stand stood up and we all walked towards the courtyard. There, lying in the arms of Hagrid, was Potter's body.

"NO!"

Minerva's scream was awful and it hurt me. Bellatrix started to laugh at McGonagall's evident despair and I shivered, knowing that if Potter was dead, I was going to die. No Death Eater will forgive me. The Dark Lord will never forgive me for betraying him. He will torture me and kill me and I will not be able to protect Draco anymore. I watched the Death Eaters, looking for Severus, and I gulped nervously when I did not see him.

"No!"

_"No_!"

"Harry! HARRY!"

Those were Hermione's, Ron's and Ginny's screams. Soon, others started to scream and yell at the Death Eaters as well as insult them until Voldemort saw red.

"SILENCE! It is over! Set him down, Hagrid, at my feet, where he belongs!"

Hagrid laid Potter's body on the grass, carefully.

"You see? Harry Potter is dead! Do you understand now, deluded ones? He was nothing, ever, but a boy who relied on others to sacrifice themselves for him!"

"He beat you!"

Ron's yell broke the silencing charm put on the crowd and everyone started to shout and scream again. They were once again silenced by Voldemort.

"He was killed while trying to sneak out of the castle grounds, killed while trying to save himself..."

Voldemort stopped as Neville tried to break free from the crowd. He was soon disarmed and he hit the floor. I gripped my wand, ready to protect one of my only friends, and I walked through the crowd, only stopping when I was in the front row. If Voldemort saw me, he said nothing.

"And who is this? Who has volunteered to demonstrate what happens to those who continue to fight when the battle is lost?"

"It is Neville Longbottom, my Lord! The boy who had been giving the Carrows so much trouble! The son of the Aurors, remember?"

"Ah, yes, I remember. But you are a pure-blood, aren't you, my brave boy?"

"So what if I am?"

"You show spirit and bravery, and you come of noble stock. You will make a very valuable Death Eater. We need your kind, Neville Longbottom."

"I'll join you when hell freezes over. Dumbledore's Army!"

The Silencing Charms broke again and there was an answering cheer from the crowd.

"Very well. If that is your choice, Longbottom, we revert to the original plan. Or your head, be it."

This was going to be bad, really bad. Something floated towards us and it landed in the Dark Lord's hand. The Sorting Hat.

"There will be no more Sorting at Hogwarts School. There will be no more Houses. The emblem, shield, and colors of my noble ancestor, Salazar Slytherin, will suffice for everyone. Won't they, Neville Longbottom?"

He stunned Neville and he forced the hat on his head, slipping it down below his eyes.

"Neville here is now going to demonstrate what happens to anyone foolish enough to continue to oppose me."

And then, the Sorting Hat burst into flames. There were screams as Neville was aflame and unable to move. I ran towards Neville, ignoring the spells Death Eaters were shouting at me. From the distant, I could hear cries, loud war cries. A giant appeared from the side of the castle and Voldemort's giants went after him. Neville broke free of the Body-Bind Curse and the Sorting Hat fell at his feet. He drew from it something silvery with sparkles of red. What was it? Merlin's beard! It was the Sword of Godric Gryffindor! Neville cut off the head of Nagini and I saw Voldemort's mouth open in a scream no one heard as chaos reigned. I cast a shield between us and I saw an identical spell being cast from where the Death Eaters stood. Was it Severus? I dragged Neville out of the way and I ran towards the castle.

"HARRY! HARRY....WHERE'S HARRY?"

Hagrid seemed to have lost Potter's body in all this mess. Everyone was trying to not be crushed by the giants' feet and thestrals began to appear, as well as an hippogriff. Everybody was forced to go back inside of the castle, defenders of Hogwarts and Death Eaters alike. Those seemed to have some difficulties to come in as the crashed like flies under the spells of some invisible wizard. I let go of Neville's hand to fight and I cast some spells on the Death Eaters who were behind us. We made it inside of the Great Hall. The Dark Lord was at the center of the battle, casting spells, aiming at any witch or wizard within reach. I spotted Rookwood, Fred's killer as George had told me, and I ran towards him, engaging the fight against him. This was going to be a death struggle. He kept insulting me and my hatred against him grew stronger and stronger.

_"AVADA KEDAVRA_!"

I put all my rage inside of this spell and I saw him fly before landing on the floor, not moving, dead. I saw Draco and I ran towards him to protect him. Voldemort was dueling McGonagall, Slughorn and Kingsley. Bellatrix was fighting against Hermione, Ginny and Luna. Bellatrix cast a Killing Curse, aiming Ginny and she missed her by an inch. Molly Weasley ran at Bellatrix.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH! OUT OF MY WAY!"

The three young witches did as they were ordered and it was clear that Bellatrix and Mrs Weasley were both fighting to kill. Students tried to help her but she stopped them from helping.

"No! Get back! _Get back_! She is mine!"

"What will happen to your children when I've killed you? When Mummy's gone the same way as Freddie?"

"You. Will. Never. Touch. Our. Children. Again!"

Mrs Weasley's curse hit Bellatrix's chest and her smile froze, understanding what happened before falling, dead. Voldemort screamed at the sight of his best soldier being killed and McGonagall, Kingsley and Slughorn flew across the room.

_"Arresto Momentum_!"

_"Protego_!"

A huge shield expended in the middle of the Great Hall, protecting everyone from Voldemort. I looked towards the place where the spell had been cast and I saw Harry Potter, standing and alive. People started to scream, happy that Potter was alive and afraid as the Dark Lord and Potter looked at each other and started to circle each other.

"I don't want anyone else to try to help. It's got to be like this. It's got to be me."

"Potter doesn't mean that. That isn't how he works, is it? Who are you going to use as a shield today, Potter?"

"Nobody. There are no more Horcruxes. It's just you and me. Neither can live while the other survives, and one of us is about to leave for good..."

"One of us? You think it will be you, do you, the boy who has survived by accident, and because Dumbledore was pulling the strings?"

"Accident, was it, when my mother died to save me? Accident, when I decided to fight in the graveyard? Accident, that I didn't defend myself tonight, and still survived, and returned to fight again?"

_"Accidents_! Accident and chance and the fact that you crouched and sniveled behind the skirts of greater men and women, and permitted me to kill them for you!"

"You won't be killing anyone else tonight. You won't be able to kill any of them ever again. Don't you get it? I was ready to die to stop you from hurting these people..."

"But you did not!"

"...I meant to, and that's what did it. I've done what my mother did. They're protected from you. Haven't you noticed how none of the spells you put on them are binding? You can't torture them. You can't touch them. You don't learn from you mistakes, Riddle, do you?"

_"You dare_..."

"Yes, I dare. I know things you don't know, Tom Riddle. I know lots of important things that you don't. Want to hear some, before you make another big mistake?"

"Is it love again? Dumbledore's favorite solution, _love_ , which he claimed conquered death, though love did not stop him falling from the tower and breaking like an old waxwork? _Love_ , which did not prevent me stamping out your Mudblood mother like a cockroach, Potter – and nobody seems to love you enough to run forward this time and take my curse. So what will stop you dying now when I strike?"

"Just one thing."

"If it is not love that will save you this time, you must believe that you have magic that I do not, or else a weapon more powerful than mine?"

"I believe both."

"You think _you_ know more magic than I do? Than _I_ , than Lord Voldemort, who has performed magic that Dumbledore himself never dreamed of?"

"Oh, he dreamed of it, but he knew more than you, knew enough not to do what you've done."

"You mean he was weak! Too weak to dare, too weak to take what might have been his, what will be mine!"

"No, he was cleverer than you, a better wizard, a better man."

"I brought about the death of Albus Dumbledore!"

"You thought you did, but you were wrong."

_"Dumbledore is dead_! His body decays in the marble tomb in the grounds of this castle, I have seen it, Potter, and he will not return!"

"Yes, Dumbledore's dead, but you didn't have him killed. He chose his own manner of dying, chose it months before he died, arranged the whole thing with the man you thought was your servant. Severus Snape wasn't yours. Snape was Dumbledore's. Dumbledore's from the moment you started hunting down my mother. And you never realized it, because of the thing you can't understand. You never saw Snape cast a Patronus, did you, Riddle? Snape's Patronus was a doe, the same as my mother's, because he loved her for nearly all of his life, from the time when they were children. You should have realized, he asked you to spare her life, didn't he?"

"He desired her, that was all, but when she had gone, he agreed that there were other women, and of purer blood, worthier of him..."

"Of course he told you that, but he was Dumbledore's spy from the moment you threatened her, and he's been working against you ever since ! Dumbledore was already dying when Snape finished him!"

"It matters not! It matters not whether Snape was mine or Dumbledore's, or what petty obstacles they tried to put in my path! I crushed them as I crushed your mother, Snape's supposed great _love_! Oh, but it all makes sense, Potter, and in ways that you do not understand! Dumbledore was trying to keep the Elder Wand from me ! He intended that Snape should be the true master of the wand! But I got there ahead of you, little boy. I reached the wand before you could get your hands on it, I understood the truth before you caught up. I killed Severus Snape three hours ago, and the Elder Wand, the Deathstick, the Wand of Destiny is truly mine! Dumbledore's last plan went wrong, Harry Potter!"

I stopped listening when the Dark Lord said that he had killed Severus. Severus was dead. _Dead_. Tears rolled on my cheeks. _No, raindrops_. Severus was dead. The first sob escaped my mouth. My lungs were burning, I could not breathe. I could not stand. I collapsed on the floor.

"NO! _NO_! NO!"

Someone knelt behind and I was trapped in a tight hug. It was Draco. And George.

_"NO_! No...!"

My voice was broken, hoarse. Severus could not be dead. It was not possible. Draco and George tried to soothe me.

"I didn't even tell him that I love him..."

This revelation struck me as I said it. I _did_ love him. And I still do. I could not stop crying. Tears just didn't want to stop falling. I heard a laugh, a cold laugh. I rose my head and I saw the Dark Lord looking down at me.

"How pathetic you are! See where _love_ dragged you! This man did not even love you. You have _never_ been loved and you will never be! I should have killed you when I had the chance to do it. I should have killed you a long time ago. But do not worry. I am going to rectify my mistake."

He aimed his wand at me but my sight was suddenly obstructed by someone. Lucius. Lucius was protecting me.

"I will not let you hurt him. I should have stopped you a long time ago."

"Being brave does not suit you, Lucius. You are a coward and you know that."

Potter looked at us and tried to distract the Dark Lord.

"Yes, Dumbledore's plan went wrong. You're right. But before you try to kill me, I'd advise you to think about what you've done... Think, and try for some remorse, Riddle..."

"What is this?"

"It's your one last chance, it's all you've got left... I've seen what you'll be otherwise... Be a man...try... Try for some remorse..."

"You dare...?"

"Yes, I dare, because Dumbledore's last plan hasn't backfired on me at all. It's backfired on you, Riddle. The wand still isn't working properly for you because you murdered the wrong person. Severus Snape was never the true master of the Elder Wand. He never defeated Dumbledore."

"He killed..."

"Aren't you listening? _Snape never beat Dumbledore_! Dumbledore's death was planned between them! Dumbledore intended to die undefeated, the wand's last true master! If all had gone as planned, the wand's power would have died with him, because it had never been won from him!"

"But then, Potter, Dumbledore as good as gave me the wand! I stole the wand from its last master's tomb! I removed it against its last master's wishes! Its power is mine!"

"You still don't get it, Riddle, do you? Possessing the wand isn't enough! Holding it, using it, doesn't make it really yours. Didn't you listen to Ollivander? _The wand chooses the wizard_... The Elder Wand recognized a new master before Dumbledore died, someone who never even laid a hand on it. The new master removed the wand from Dumbledore against his will, never realizing exactly what he had done, or that the world's most dangerous wand had given him its allegiance... The true master of the Elder Wand was Draco Malfoy."

I grabbed Draco, still crying because of Severus's death, protecting him, shielding him. The Dark Lord would not get him.

"But what does it matter? Even if you are right, Potter, it makes no difference to you and me. You no longer have the phoenix wand : We duel on skill alone....and after I have killed you, I can attend to Draco Malfoy..."

"But you're too late. You've missed your chance. I got there first. I overpowered Draco weeks ago. I took this wand from him. So it all comes down to this, doesn't it? Does the wand in your hand know its last master was Disarmed? Because if it does....I am the true master of the Elder Wand."

There was a red-gold glow and I had to squint to see something. Both wizards aimed at the other and yelled.

_"Avada Kedavra_!"

_"Expelliarmus_!"

There was a loud sound, like a cannon blast, and golden flames appeared between them. The spells collided and we all saw the Elder Wand fly high toward Potter. The Dark Lord's body fell backwards, unmoving, dead. It was over. Voldemort was dead. I sobbed, hiding my face in Draco's hair, and, when it became obvious that I could barely breathe, Lucius and George carried me outside. We sat on the stairs and Narcissa sat in front of me.

"Inhale. Exhale. Slowly. Imitate me. Inhale. Exhale."

I did as she asked and I soon found myself crying and sobbing even more.

"Severus is...dead..."

Narcissa hugged me and stoked my hair.

"Hush baby, everything is going to be all right. We will not let you down."

As he certainly felt that this was more a family thing, George left us after checking that I would not be alone and that I was taken care of. After a few minutes, I stopped sobbing – but not crying – and others went in the courtyard, not noticing us or not wanting to. After some time, I heard whispers. Whispers about something impossible. Was Voldemort back? My head was buried in the crook of Narcissa's neck so I could not see. I felt Lucius and Draco stand behind me and I wondered what was happening. I rose my head and I saw _him_. He was there, limping towards us. He was alive. Severus was _alive_. I stood up, crying again, and I looked at him. He was alive. I put my hand on my mouth, trying to stop the gasps from escaping my mouth, and just looked at him, not believing that he was here, breathing, walking, _living_. Our eyes met and he stopped walking. I ran to him and I hugged him, not even trying to stop myself from crying. As none of us could stand, we collapsed on our knees. I felt his hand stroke my hair and I cried my heart out, sobbing, weeping. I was so happy, so glad that he was alive. I could not stop crying. Severus kissed my forehead and he stroked my cheeks.

"He... He said that...you were...dead..."

"He tried to kill me, but the Phoenix Tears saved me. I am not dead, Ilias. Look at me, I am alive."

Our eyes met again and I kissed him, desperately, my hands gripping the front of his robes. George whistled at us, smiling a bit. My world came down to those lips against mine. He was _alive_.


	18. 20th July 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite fighting with the Light during the war, Severus and Ilias have to face the Wizengamot to be fully considered as innocents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /!\ Warning /!\ There is a rape scene in this chapter, incest. It is not fully developed and stops before anything happens, but what will happen is quite obvious.

_Severus POV_

My trial was over. I was a free man. Thanks to Potter, but nonetheless free. I sat on the witnesses' bench, waiting for Ilias's trial to start. When the Aurors brought him in, Lucius forced me to stay still. He was waif-like, his skin, which was usually ivory, was now so pale that it looked almost transparent. His beautiful blue-green eyes seemed hazy and I could see bruises on his body. Ilias was a _hero_ , they had no right to treat him like this. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Potter stand up and help Ilias to sit on the chair. Ilias seemed so weak, so fragile, so _breakable_. Potter sat back on the witnesses' bench, between George Weasley and Draco. I saw an Unspeakable force Veritaserum down Ilias's throat and step back. Kingsley Shacklebolt was the Active Minister for Magic since the end of the war. The chains held Ilias prisoner and I saw him shiver, nervously looking at his restrains. Kingsley looked at _my_ Ilias.

"What is your name?"

"Ilias Vincent Crabbe."

"Date of birth."

"July 25th 1978."

"Who are you parents?"

"Vincent Crabbe Sr and Louise Crabbe née Black."

"Where are they?"

"My mother is dead and I don't know where my father is."

"Are you a Death Eater?"

"No."

"Were you?"

"No."

"What is your link with You-Know-Who?"

"I was his sexual slave."

"What do you mean?"

"My parents gave me to Voldemort after he came back. He used to rape me and torture me.

"Did anyone tried to help you?"

"Yes, the Malfoys, Severus, and Ethan Steadworthy."

"Ethan Steadworthy ? Do you know that he died on March 28th 1998?"

"No. Ethan is dead?"

"What was your relationship with Ethan Steadworthy?"

"He trained me. He taught me how to become an Animagus. It is thanks to him that I was able to escape."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, he was my trainer and my friend, nothing more."

"What is your relationship with the Malfoy family?"

"They are like my family. Narcissa and Lucius almost raised me. And I see Draco as a brother."

"What about Severus Snape?"

"We are lovers."

"So you knew about Severus Snape being a spy?"

"Yes, I knew."

"How did you become a spy?"

"Albus Dumbledore asked me during my seventh year."

"And you said yes?"

"I said yes."

"Why?"

"I wanted to protect Severus and I wanted Voldemort to die."

"Did you know about the prophecy?"

"Which prophecy?"

"Are there several prophecies?"

"There are a lot of prophecies."

Kingsley seemed lost and he looked towards us. I stood up and I looked at Ilias who seemed somewhere else, lost in his thoughts.

"He is a Seer, Minister."

"A Seer?"

"Yes, a Seer. Like Sybil..."

I didn't have the time to finish my sentence as a cold and hoarse voice echoed in the room.

"When the sun will die, the Raven will uncover the truth about his life. A new path will be open for him to choose. A new life will be granted. But for this, he will have to face his fears and to accept that nothing is black or white. The Raven will discover that those he hated and who seemed against him will protect him no matter the cost. The Raven will see love where he saw hatred and disdain where he saw love."

"See?"

Suddenly, Ilias started to convulse and foam escaped his mouth. What was going on? Soon, someone freed him and I cautiously laid him on the floor, on his side.

"He must be reacting to something. Did you give a potion?"

"Only painkillers and a Calming Draught."

"And the Veritaserum."

"And so?"

"You can't mix up every potions. Draco, do you have a bezoar?"

Draco stood up and walked towards me. He was pale and he handed me the stone-like mass without uttering a word. I shoved it down Ilias's throat and waited anxiously, only to sigh when Ilias started to cough. I helped to sit, keeping his back against my chest. I helped him to steady his breath and he leaned back against me, closing his eyes.

"What happened...?"

"You reacted badly to some potions. And you gave us a prophecy."

"Again?"

"Yes, again. Can you stand up?"

"Do I have to? I like leaning against you."

"Do you like leaning against me during your trial?"

"My...? Oh, I... Sorry."

I helped him to get back on his feet and I made him sit back on the chair.

"Since we can't give you more Veritaserum, we will need to see your memories Mr Crabbe."

"You can, if you want to kill me. I have one condition."

"You can't really impose conditions Mr Crabbe."

"My condition is that some people have to leave the room."

"Leave the room? Why?"

"Because I don't want them to see my memories."

"Who can't be here?"

"Draco, the Weasley, Narcissa, any woman, child or young adult. Potter, you should leave as well."

"Why?"

"I don't want them to be shocked. Severus and Lucius know what happened, they can stay if they want to. But I want the others to leave. It is already hard that you are going to see them so, please. If I could, I would even ask you if I could leave while you see my memories."

"Please everyone, do as he asked."

Almost everyone left. Lucius followed Narcissa and Draco, not knowing if he could handle to see Ilias's memories. I stayed because I knew he would need me. The whole Wizengamot stayed even if some members were offered the possibility to leave the room. I saw Ilias give some of his memories to the Unspeakable who put it in a huge Pensieve. Then, a sort of Muggle cinema's screen appeared.

_Ilias was tied to a bed. There was blood everywhere, even on the floor. He was trying to hide his face against his shoulder, trying to hide his tears. It was clear that he was in pain. He didn't have the tattoo on his arm which meant that this happened between the death of Cedric Diggory and the day we went back to Hogwarts. How could I see it, its absence ? Because he was naked, completely, utterly, naked. The Dark Lord was there, clothed, his bald skull glimmering in the dim light of the room. Was it a bedroom ? Or was it one of the many torture chamber that could be found in the Malfoy Manor ? The Dark Lord and Ilias were not the only people in the room. Other Death Eaters were here. The first one to approach the bed, with the Dark Lord's authorization, was...Vincent Crabbe Sr. He started to undress himself and he sat on the bed. At the first scream, a thick fog blurred the memory._

I closed my eyes, trying hold back my rage and my anger. This was worst than anything I could imagine. I already wondered how a father could beat his son but I would have never thought that Ilias's father would go that far. What he did was beyond anything we could have ever imagine.

I opened my eyes when I heard soft sobs and I looked for the source of those sounds. It was Ilias. He was crying, trying to be silent, trying not to be noticed. It was heartbreaking to see him like this. I had seen him cry. A few times, three times, maybe four. But this time, it was really heartbreaking. I could see him, biting his shoulder to muffle his sobs. I walked to him and I knelt in front of Ilias and I stroked his cheek, slowly, trying to soothe him. His binds opened and he threw his arms around me, barely moving my body when he did this. I stroked his hair until he was calm enough to speak.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I thought that you would reject me."

"I would have never done this. I would have killed your father and those men but I would never have rejected you. I will not reject you Ilias, not for something like this."

"Thank you..."

I stayed with him when the second memory appeared on the screen, it was the memory of when Ilias spoke to Albus and was offered to become a spy for the Order. We sat on the deserted bench of the witnesses and I watched the third memory being displayed.

_It was dark, I could barely see a thing. Then there was a scream. A scream of pain. The picture seemed to move. There was a small light. But it was far away. Suddenly, the picture zoomed in and we discovered a small child. He could not be older than seven. His face was distorted by the flame of a candle. It was the only light in the room. But it was also a torture instrument. Another face appeared in the dim light. The face of a younger Vincent Crabbe Sr. He seemed angry and his malicious smile was terrifying. He poured the hot wax on the half-naked body of the boy who screamed, obviously in pain. The boy's face became clearer. It was Ilias. His hair was longer but it was him._

_"You will never refuse to help my son again, you worthless brat."_

_"Yes, I promise Father! But, please! Please, stop! Father, it hurts!"_

_No one saw the smack the boy received coming._

_"Don't ever call me Father again, you filthy freak!"_

_"Yes, I am sorry! Please, stop... I will do everything you want, I promise. But, please, please, don't hurt me."_

_The memory shifted and a new scene appeared. The boy was still young but he seemed completely fine, except for the slight limping. Vincent Crabbe Sr was present again. But he was with two other adults. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. Lucius spoke first. He told the boy to go upstairs, to play with Draco while he spoke to his father. The boy did so, stopping in the middle of the stairs to spy on the adults._

_"Vincent, what you are doing is wrong. You are hurting your child."_

_"What did the brat tell you?"_

_"He said nothing. But I can see the twitches and the fear in his eyes when he does something. He fears the every movements we make. He fears that we will beat him. Last time, he broke a vase while playing with Draco. He took off his shirt and knelt in front of me, waiting for me to beat him. This is not how a child should be treated. Not ever."_

_"He is worst than a demon. He does everything he can to drive us mad then he blames Vincent for everything. You may think that he is an angel, all cute and kind, but he is a nightmare. He is the worst child I have ever seen. He deserves every punch, every belt shot."_

_"No one deserves this Vincent. Not even the worst child. He is just nine. What were you doing at his age?"_

_"I was listening to my father's orders."_

_"He is learning to control his power, he needs time. He needs you to give him time to adapt and he needs you to understand him. Ilias is very clever for his age. He knew how to read without us noticing it until we wanted to teach him how to read. Ilias is a wonderful child."_

_"We have a different vision of what a wonderful child is. He is not worthy of being my son. Last time he even told me that he would not be against having a mudblood friend, to know how the Muggle world is like."_

_"He is open-minded."_

_"What would you say if it was Draco?"_

_"I would talk to him, I would never hurt my son. And I would never starve him."_

_"So he said that we were starving him?"_

_"No, I can see it. I am not blind. No child of his age is so skinny and small. Even Draco is taller than him. He is your son, your Heir. You have to treat him well, like a human being."_

_"If he does not end up in Slytherin, I will send him to Durmstrang. They will teach him what a good pure-blood is."_

_The boy went upstairs and acted like nothing happened with a young blond boy, Draco. The fog appeared when they started to play._

The room was silent. So silent that it was nearly suffocating. The Wizengamot had seen the abusive father Crabbe Sr was. They had seen what that man could do to his own son. They had seen the bruises, the blood, the insults. I could see in their eyes that they were disgusted, not by Ilias but by his father. They had seen the threats. They had seen a boy who looked like a starved seven-years old boy only to discover in horror that the boy was nine, almost ten. They were shocked. But there was still one memory to go. Ilias was the one who had picked the memories, only him knew what this one would reveal. We watched the screen, horrified at the idea that there was even more horror to watch. And the fourth memory appeared.

_Ilias was older. He was chained to a bed, once again. The room he was in looked like the room he had in the Malfoy Manor. When I took a better look, I saw that it was, indeed, his bedroom. There were three other people in the bedroom. One of them was Ilias's mother and I immediately knew when this scene happened. It was the day when the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord discovered that he was a spy. I didn't recognized the other two but they started to torture Ilias rather quickly. His mother was only watching at first. But when Ilias begged her to help, rage burnt in her eyes, as well as hatred, and she cursed him, again and again, aiming at his face, endlessly. Ilias was screaming, begging, crying. He was in pain and I could almost feel his pain. The image became blurred but I knew that it was not because it was the end of the memory. It was because he was starting to lose his eyesight. I could barely see the three Death Eaters but I could hear the heinous words Ilias's mother was uttering._

_"I wish you were dead! Traitor! Blood-traitor! Whore! You are just good at opening your legs for any man! You have no pride! You are disgusting! You are a shame for our family!"_

_She went on with the torture until Ilias was almost unconscious. The edges of his vision were dark, almost black. Then, the ghostly woman I saw in the forest appeared, coming from Ilias's chest. From where I was, I could see her rather clearly. She was beautiful and she looked a lot like Ilias. Her hair was blond and her eyes seemed blue. In fact, she also reminded me of Lucius. This woman looked like a Malfoy. There was a sudden burst of light and an explosion. The force of it had broken the retrains on Ilias's body and he stumbled on the floor. When he stood up, we all saw the blood on his face. The woman was gone. He looked at the bodies around the bed, horrified. I could see guilt in his eyes. He heard footsteps in the corridor and he ran away, disappearing in the fog._

Ilias was shaking a bit, in my arms, his hands clutching on my robes, like claws. I stroked his hair, trying to calm him. He was not crying anymore, only shaking. The screen disappeared and the members of the Wizengamot looked at each other. Kingsley looked at us and smiled softy.

"We will have to hear the witnesses, Severus. But I think that you should stay with Ilias. Go back to your seat with him. He deserves some rest."

"Thank you Kingsley."

I went back to my seat, carrying Ilias in my arms, and people went back inside of the room. There were two distinctive groups. The first one was composed of people who were on Ilias's side and the other group was composed of people who were against him. I told briefly to Lucius what had happened while he was gone and he seemed to struggle in hiding his anger. Lucius and Narcissa were the first one to speak. Then it was Draco, George Weasley, Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Minerva, Filius, Pomona, Poppy, some members of the Order, and Harry Potter. On the other side, the first one to speak was Ronald Weasley. He was given Veritaserum, just like the other witnesses, and Kingsley started to interrogate him.

"What is your name?"

"Ronald Bilius Weasley."

"When were you born?"

"On first March 1980."

"Who are your parents?"

"Arthur Weasley and Molly Weasley, née Prewett."

"Do you have proof that Ilias Crabbe is a Death Eater?"

"He was there when Snape killed Dumbledore. He protected Snape."

"Severus Snape was a spy during the war, he gave us proof that the death of Albus Dumbledore was planned by the said man."

"He attacked Harry."

"I believe Mr Potter told us that all Mr Crabbe did was protect Severus Snape."

"He used an Unforgivable."

"We are aware of this. Tell us something that we ignore. Do you have proofs which prove that Ilias Crabbe was a Death Eater?"

"He is a Slytherin. Slytherins are evil. There is not one Slytherin who didn't turn out to be an evil wizard."

"Some members of the Wizengamot were sorted in the Slytherin House. Are you saying that they are evil?"

"The members of the Slytherin House perform Dark Magic. Everyone knows this."

"Are you accusing some members of the Wizengamot of being Dark wizards, Mr Weasley?"

"It's a fact, they are Dark wizards. You-Know-Who was a Slytherin. Only pure-bloods were sorted in the Slytherin House."

"That is not correct, Mr Weasley. I can name a lot of half-blood witches and wizards who went to Slytherin. Severus Snape, for example, is a half-blood. As Harry told us, You-Know-Who was also a half-blood. The views of the founder of the Slytherin House do not represent who the members of the Slytherin House are now. I think that we have heard enough. Give him the antidote."

Ron Weasley was given the antidote and was replaced by his sister. She was given the Veritaserum and the usual questions were asked.

"Do you have proof that Mr Crabbe is a Death Eater?"

"He spied on us when we created Dumbledore's Army. He told You-Know-Who everything we were doing."

"Do you have proof?"

"I know it. He had the Mark."

"Did he?"

"Yes, we all saw it once."

"The Mark you saw on Mr Crabbe's arm is different from the Dark Mark. It did not have the same purpose nor the same meaning, am I correct Severus?"

I simply nodded, checking on Ilias every now and then. Ilias was asleep, his head resting against my chest. He seemed so small like this, almost like a child. I missed a part of what Ginevra Weasley was saying until Kingsley snapped at her.

"There is nothing wrong with that. This is not a proof that he is a Death Eater."

"But it is disgusting! It should be forbidden! If you let this happen, who knows how many more he will turn into...this?"

"Homosexuality is not a disease Ms Weasley. As a pure-blood, you know this: sexuality is linked to your magic, you can't decide it. Many great wizards were homosexuals. Albus Dumbledore was homosexual."

"I don't believe you! Albus Dumbledore was a great wizard, he was not...filthy. No wonder why the Death Eaters lost the war."

Lucius grabbed my shoulder before I could move.

"Ms Weasley, if the homosexuality of Mr Crabbe is the only proof you have that he is guilty then I think that you should go back with your mother."

She was given the antidote and her mother replaced her. Deep down inside of me, I knew that her testimony would be the worst. As for everyone, she was asked her name, date of birth and the name of her parents. Then, the real questioning started.

"Do you have proof that Ilias Crabbe is a Death Eater?"

"Yes."

"What is your proof?"

"He was there when Severus Snape killed Albus Dumbledore, he tortured Harry. He killed Moody."

"Alastor was killed by You-Know-Who, your own son, Bill, testified this and he gave us his memory."

"He attacked Harry."

"Yes, and Harry was attacking him as well. Without Severus, Ilias would be dead."

"He was not a spy, he never came to the meetings, unlike Severus."

"In August 1996, he gave a letter to Albus. He gave him precious informations. He told him that Draco Malfoy had been given the mission to kill him by You-Know-Who. Ilias Crabbe is the spy he called the Eagle in front of us."

"He is not a spy, he only followed the side that was sure to win."

"According to the statement of Harry, Ilias was on the side of those who could protect the people he cared about. He fought with us during the battle. His father and Greyback almost killed him. He saved Bill from Greyback the day Albus was killed. He saved Neville from You-Know-Who after he beheaded his snake."

"He tortured innocent people. He killed people."

"Do you have names?"

"No."

"Molly, I am going to ask this one last time. Do you have any concrete proof that Ilias Crabbe is or was a Death Eater?"

"He is abnormal. He is a freak. How can you believe his words? I pity the mother who has to call him son. Normal people want to have kids. A couple is composed of a man and a woman, that is how it works."

"So, to you, Ilias Crabbe is a Death Eater because he is gay."

"Freaks, monsters, only go with their kind."

Lucius's grip on my shoulder tightened a bit and I felt Ilias shake between in my arms. He was fully awake now and he had heard, at least, the end of Molly's testimony. I stroked his hair, slowly, trying to calm him.

"You are not a freak Ilias, don't listen to her. You are not a monster either."

"I want to go... Please..."

"It will soon be over, don't worry. It won't be long."

Indeed, two more wizards gave their testimony before it was time for the Wizengamot to choose whether Ilias was a spy or a Death Eater. The vote was fast and Ilias was declared innocent, unanimously. I waited until everyone was gone and I helped Ilias to stand on his feet. His pace was slow but there was no way he could walk normally, weak as he was. As we were heading towards the apparition point, we heard a lot of noise, like two person arguing. Then, we saw Draco and Potter. Both had their face red with anger. As we walked closer, we heard them speak. Lucius was trying to calm Draco while Minerva was trying to calm Potter. Ron Weasley was smiling, he seemed smug. A loud sigh escaped Ilias's lips and a weak smile appeared on his face.

"Find yourself a room. You both look like you want to pin the other to the wall."

The angry red on their faces disappeared, replaced by a bright shade of pink. I smirked and I led Ilias to the apparition point. We apparated in front of the gates of Hogwarts. The castle had been rebuilt between the end of the war and our trials. We walked to my quarters and I let Ilias lie on the bed. He was tired, half-asleep. I sat beside him and he smiled at me.

"We are free..."

"Yes, we are."

"Will you stay with me...?"

"Always."

He smiled again and closed his eyes, falling asleep, his smile never fading.

_End Severus POV_


	19. 11th April 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The true intentions of Harry's friends are unveiled.

Minerva had given me the position of Potion Master and Professor of Potions at Hogwarts after my trial. Severus was back at teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. Every student had to redo the year they were in last year. Teaching was not as hard as I thought. Severus and I were living in the same quarters at Hogwarts and we had bought a small house. Spinner's End had been destroyed by some Death Eaters after they found out that Severus was a spy. Most of them were dead or in Azkaban but some were still out there. My father was one of them. My relationship with Severus was, sometimes, a bit awkward. We were as close as lovers could be but there was some kind of distance that I could not really explain. To me, it was because none of us had been clear about their feelings for the other. I knew I loved Severus but I was scared that he might not love me. I didn't want to risk to lose everything I had. This thing between us was too precious to me.

Today, it was the day when a lot of things were going to change. I had no proof about this, I just knew it. When the sun started to disappear, I knew where I had to go and who needed to go with me. I grabbed Potter's arm and I dragged him with me, only stopping in front of the door of the Room of Requirements. We went inside as the whole castle was engulfed by darkness. I hid ourselves with a Disillusionment Charm and I glared at Potter as he was about to speak. In front of us were Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger.

"Ginny, do you have the Love Potion your mother sent you?"

"Yes, but are you sure that I should give it to him now ? I gave him one last week."

"Gin, you have to use it. You have seen how Malfoy and Harry look at each other. It's disgusting. You need to be the next Lady Potter. I need new robes and Hermione needs books and to be supported by a pure-blood family if she wants to be the next Minister for Magic."

"Yes, I saw how he was looking at the ferret since the beginning of his sixth year. Having Snape and Crabbe teaching us is beyond understanding. They are abnormal. It's disgusting."

"Ginny, you have to be careful, Professor Crabbe seems to suspect something."

"Well, he is right, isn't he?"

"Yes, but remember the prophecy. Professor Crabbe said that he was going to find out the truth."

"Come on Hermione, who would want to befriend Harry? Look at him, all skinny and small. Crabbe looks like a giant next to him. Because of him, a lot of people died. He has no one except us. If he finds out, what do you think he'll do? He'll beg us to continue to fake this thing. He is so stupid that he doesn't even see that no one likes him. Hermione, you'll need to refresh the Compulsion Charm on Harry and on the ferret. And we need to find a stronger love potion. And also a way to bound you to him, Gin."

"I'll do it but, really, we have to be careful. Professor Crabbe is watching our every movements."

"Crabbe is just a Death Eater, he is not going to talk if he discovers something. Even his greasy bat is not going to say a word about it. They will not want to risk their job. Now, we should go. Oh, Gin, do you have the fertility potion?"

"Yes, and I also have a lust potion. Tonight, he'll get me pregnant and he'll have no other choice but to marry me."

"Good. Let's go before he starts looking for us."

They left the room and I cast a _Finite Incantatem_. Potter seemed to be lost. He seemed angry, sad and desperate. It was understandable. Those who were his friends, were, in fact, a bunch of disgusting brats who were just after his money.

"Potter, you need to come with me."

"Why?"

"I need to purify your body. You need help. Professor Snape will take of the charms they put on you."

"Professor Snape will never want to help me."

"Believe me, he will. Now, come."

I dragged him out of the room as the sun was reappearing in the sky. I led him to the dungeons and we discovered Severus pacing in front of the door and Draco leaning against the wall. Severus was the first to see us coming.

"Ilias, what is Potter doing with you?"

"This is a long story. I need to brew some potions and you need to check them."

"To check them?"

"They are under compulsion charms. And Potter is under a love potion."

"Who?"

"The younger two Weasley, their mother and Granger."

"But why would they do that to us?"

"You'll see it clearly as soon as Severus will heal both of you."

We went inside our quarters and Severus and I led the two students inside of the potion lab. I brewed a lot of potions while Severus was trying to heal them.

I felt a shiver run down my spine and I turned around to see Severus, his wand pointed towards me while his other hand held a piece of parchment. I gave the potions to Potter and Draco and they drank all of them. They looked at each other and they blushed. Severus grabbed my arm, leading me to our bedroom.

"Is there something wrong?"

"There are spells on you."

"Spells?"

"Someone tried to do a blood adoption but it failed. Maybe that it changed some of your features but it didn't work. You also have something blocking your magic. I don't know what it is, it seems to be blood magic. There are also spells to slow down your healing process. There is nothing I can do about them. We will need to go to Gringotts."

"Yes, but not today. I'm too tired."

"How did you know that you would need Draco and I here?"

"I don't know, I just knew it. It's like...intuition."

"Well, we should go back down there before they start killing each other."

"I don't think that they are fighting. But if you wish."

"Knowing them, they will be fighting."

"Yeah, over dominance."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I smiled and I gave a peck on his lips before we left the bedroom. We went down the stairs which led to the potion lab. I slowly opened the door and Severus bumped into me.

"What are you waiting for?"

I looked inside of the room and I saw that Draco had won the battle for dominance and was a bit...occupied. I closed the door without a sound and I cast a silent Silencing Charm on the lab.

"What are you doing? What are _they_ doing?"

"They are...talking. Yeah, talking."

"They are doing everything but talking I suppose."

"Well, Potter is voicing his wishes."

"Please, erase this image of my mind."

"As you wish."

I grinned and I kissed him, making him walk to the stairs. He fell on the stairs and I snorted before straddling his hips.

"Should we take this to the bedroom Professor Snape?"

"I was thinking about a date."

"A date?"

"We never had the chance to do something like this during the war. I thought you would like it."

"I love this idea."

I kissed him and I stood up, leaving him on the stairs to go to our bedroom. I undressed, only keeping my underwear, and I looked at the inside of the closet. The door of the bedroom opened and Severus came in.

"It is not that I don't like the view, but what are you doing?"

"We can't go on a date wearing our teaching robes."

I heard him sigh and I chose to wear a deep blue shirt with black trousers. When I turned around, I saw Severus looking hungrily at me and I smirked.

"You should get changed instead of drooling over my ass."

"I am not drooling."

"You _were_."

He mumbled something under his breath and he traded his teaching robes for a black shirt and black trousers. It was his time to smirk as I was clearly staring.

"You have some drool at the corner of your mouth."

"I am not drooling over you, I am lusting after you. _I_ know how to keep my saliva inside of my mouth."

"Brat."

"Bat."

"Let's go before I kill you or before I kill those damn hormonal kids."

I laughed and I took his hand in mine. He seemed a bit startled but he didn't let go of my hand. We left a note on the kitchen table for Draco and Potter and we went to Hogsmeade. We spent the afternoon there and we walked together on a deserted alley, not saying a word. There was some weird tension but it was not between us, it was in the air, as if something was going to happen. We had our wand in our free hand, ready to fight. The atmosphere seemed electric. Suddenly, we are surrounded by five masked people. _Death Eaters_. Those were the words my mind was screaming. My back was against Severus's back and we faced them as one of them took off his mask. I felt all heat leave my face as I recognized my father.

"Severus. Ilias. How good it is to see you. Severus, did you like how we turned your house into a camp fire?"

"It was you?"

"Who else would have avenged the Dark Lord?"

"I know why you are here, Father."

"Do not call me Father!"

"Why should I not call you Father? You _are_ my father."

"Watch your mouth, boy."

We continued to evaluate each other without moving. I felt Severus's hair brushing my ear and I leaned a bit more against him.

"They are not going to let us go without a fight."

His voice was a mere whisper against my shoulder.

"I know, he will not let me go unharmed. Do we wait for them to attack or do we attack first?"

"As you want, I'll let you choose."

"Let's show them that they chose the wrong targets."

I smiled and I turned around, kissing him quickly, before I shot a spell at a Death Eater who was in front of Severus before. We managed to dodge some of their spells but it was hard to protect ourselves from those coming from behind us. Some spells did hurt us but there were no Killing Curse. We were bleeding, we were wounded. Some Death Eaters were dead. Three out of five actually. I was fighting against my father and Severus was fighting against Rabastan Lestrange, brother of Rodolphus Lestrange and brother-in-law of the deceased Bellatrix Lestrange. As Severus most likely killed Rabastan, my father sent me a _Sectumsempra_ that I was unable to dodge as I tried to protect Severus from Rabastan's last curse. I felt it digging into my flesh, cutting, slashing, opening my chest. Then there was this feeling of burning. It was as if flames were lapping at my skin. I stumbled and I saw my father smirk before he cast another _Sectumsempra_ on me before Severus could move. This time, it sliced my upper chest. I fell on my knees, gasping for air, and he disappeared. I barely felt Severus arms around my waist as I was dizzy from the loss of blood.

"Ilias. Ilias, look at me."

I turned my head and it soon fell on Severus's shoulder. I wanted to sleep so badly.

"Why can't it stop...?"

"Keep your eyes open."

"I am sleepy, Severus..."

I coughed and blood dropped on the ground below. I was shivering, shaking, and my teeth were chattering. Cold. It was so cold. Severus took off his cloak and he put it on my shoulders. When did he put his cloak on? Did he have it when we left the castle? Blood was soaking my shirt and Severus used what was left of it to create temporary bandages. Severus tried to help me stand up but my legs were unresponsive and I almost fell again if not for Severus's arms to hold me tightly against him. He lifted me up again and he carried me to Hogwarts, making sure that I was never falling asleep. Students stepped out of the way as they saw that we were covered in blood – my blood mainly. Minerva soon joined us as Severus was running towards the infirmary.

"Severus, what happened?"

"His father and four other Death Eaters attacked us. His father escaped but the others are dead."

My eyelids felt heavy. I was shaking and I could not feel my legs and my arms, only coldness.

"Severus..."

"I am here. Hold on, we are almost there."

* * *

_Severus POV_

I was panicking, I could feel it. Ilias's state was only getting worse and we were not in the infirmary. His eyes were dazed, his lips were white, barely visible on his pale skin. Blood was running down his chin and his chest was almost not visible as it was covered with blood. It was my fault. Only mine. I knew that it was a bad idea to go on a date and yet, I dragged him out of the castle, out of safety. I was responsible for his suffering.

"I love you..."

My eyes went wide as I heard this statement, almost dropping him because of the shock. I looked down at him and I saw that his eyes were close and his mouth slightly opened. I laid him on a bed and I checked his pulse. Thanks Merlin, he was still alive. It took us, to Poppy and I, two hours to stop the bleeding and to heal his wounds. He nearly died more than once. Narcissa, Lucius, Draco and Potter came in when Ilias woke up, two more hours later. Two hours that I spent sitting in a chair, next to his bed, watching his face anxiously. When he opened his eyes, he seemed lost. I took his hand in mine and stroked his cheek with my free hand. He smiled weakly at me and he held my hand. When the four wizards came in, I tried to let go of Ilias's, thinking that he would be embarrassed, but he tightened his grip, not letting my hand go. I looked up at him, surprised. Was it possible that his confession was true ? Was it possible that those were not just empty words ? No, it was impossible. He could not mean it. Those had had to be the words of a dying man. He was unconscious and almost dead in my arms when he confessed to me. Who could love me ? How could he love me ? Me, the greasy bat, the Death Eater, the fag. I didn't listen to what was going on, lost in my thoughts. I felt a thumb caress the palm of my hand and I noticed that every visitor was gone. When did they leave ?

"Severus, what's wrong?"

"I can't let this happen once again, Ilias."

"What do you mean?"

"He has to be stopped. He has to be arrested before he kills you. _I_ have to stop him."

"Severus, you are a teacher, not an Auror."

"I was a spy and a Death Eater."

"This is too dangerous. Please, don't do this."

"Because you think that being a spy was not dangerous? It was even more dangerous than going after you father will ever be."

"Please, Severus, I'm begging you, don't go."

"I have to protect you."

"No, you don't. I can protect myself."

"I want to protect you. You won't be able to change my mind."

"Please, don't leave me alone... I need you..."

"I am sorry Ilias, but I can't let him have the opportunity to attack you again. You almost died tonight. Next time could be the last. I don't want you to feel trapped here or at home because you can't go out since he's still out there."

"Severus..."

"Wait for me, I'll come back. I promise."

I kissed his forehead and he grabbed my shirt with his hands before he tugged at it, pulling me into a mind-blowing kiss. My eyes went wide as I was not expecting it. I could feel every emotion Ilias was going through right now. It was like a plea. The kiss also tasted salty as Ilias was crying. He broke the kiss and looked at me, tears steaming down his face. I wiped his tears away.

"I will come back."

"I-I will wait for you..."

I stroked his hair and I stood up before leaving the infirmary, unable to look back at him, too scared that it would make me change my mind. I packed what would be useful during this manhunt and I heard a knock on the door of my quarters. It was Minerva.

"Severus, are you sure that you want to do this?"

"Ilias told you."

"No, Lucius did. When he came in the infirmary after you left, Ilias was crying but he refused to say why. He had to go through the memories of the boy to know why. Saying that he is not pleased is an understatement. He is furious."

"I knew he would be. But I am doing this for Ilias's sake. His father has to be stopped. If he is not, how will Ilias be able to live?"

"He is strong, Severus, maybe even more than any of us."

"I know. But he has suffered enough."

"Which is why you should stay with him. He needs you."

There was another knock on the door, much louder than Minerva's.

"It must be Lucius. I will leave you two alone."

I said nothing, letting Minerva leave and Lucius come in. He was furious, just as Minerva had warned me. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and he pinned me to the wall.

"Why do you always have to be so stupid Severus?"

"If this is about Ilias..."

"Of course it is about Ilias! You are abandoning him to chase his father! And don't tell me that it is just because of this, I am not one of the dunderheads to whom you teach! Why are you leaving?"

"Because I don't want to get hurt! I don't want to risk having feelings for someone who you will maybe change his mind in a year!"

"You have seen my memories of the battle! You heard his words! You saw his despair! He was inconsolable! How _dare_ you say that he has no feelings for you? How can you be so blind? How can you not see that he _loves_ you?"

"He is only twenty! Did you know what you wanted at twenty? Were you sure of it?"

"Do _you_ know what _you_ want?"

"I know what I don't want. Ilias deserves safety, he deserves to have a family. And while I can give him one, I can't give him the other."

"You act like his parents! You want to _control_ his life! Have you even bothered to ask him what he wants?"

"I am not like his parents!"

"You are in a way! You make every choice for him, you never ask for his opinion. You don't even listen to him when he speaks up. He begged you to stay with him. I only saw him beg thrice. The first time, it was to not tell his father about the potion you had given him after his third year. The second, it was in the memory you showed me, when he was tortured by his mother. Today is the third time. Draco and Potter are with him right now because I refused to leave him alone. You are abandoning him, you are hurting him and you don't even seem to care. You are protecting yourself but have you thought that Ilias might really love you?"

"How could he love someone like _me_?"

"Why can't he?"

"Have you seen me Lucius? Have you ever looked at me"? I am not beautiful, I am not kind, I am not loving. I am the old greasy bat of the dungeons. I am cold, bitter and ugly."

"You are what you want to be. Have you ever tried to smile to him? To anyone? Have you ever denied what people were saying about you? Have you ever tried to prove them wrong?"

He let go of me and glared at me.

"I will not stop you. You are an adult and you should be able to make decisions by yourself. But if you choose to leave, know that I am not happy with this decision. If you come back to him, know that I will watch your every actions."

"Every?"

"Oh, do shut up for once. I am not kidding. If you hurt him ever again, I won't forgive you. Maybe that he will but I won't."

Then he left me there and I was alone once again. But this time, it was because of my own choices.

_End Severus POV_

* * *

After Poppy released me – and Merlin knows that this infirmary can be a prison when that dragon doesn't want to let you go – I went to the Great Hall because it was dinner time. Draco and Harry – yes, it was Harry now – were walking behind me, following me. When we entered the Great Hall, everybody looked at us. When I spoke, I rose my voice so that everyone could hear me. Especially three Gryffindors.

"Mr. Potter, I think that it would be wiser for you to sit at the Slytherin table. It might be safer. Even if your drink would more certainly taste of poisons instead of compulsion or love potions."

"Yes Professor Crabbe."

"Mr. Malfoy, I suppose that I can trust you on this matter. Try to prevent Mr. Potter from having potions slipped in his drink."

A red-haired man – or boy depending on if you evaluate someone by his age or by his maturity – stood up and stopped in from of me, blocking the way.

"I believe Mr. Weasley that you are blocking the way."

"You have no right!"

"Care to form complete sentences and give full informations?"

"You have no right to separate Harry from us!"

"Oh, so that is your point. I believe that Mr. Potter is rather happy to sit at the Slytherin table."

"Harry is a Gryffindor, he is the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice, the Savior of the World!"

"Yes, but he is also Harry Potter, the boy who lost his parents at the age of one, the boy who was abused by his own relatives, the boy who lost those he called family, the boy who has been betrayed by his own _friends_."

"We never betrayed Harry!"

"Ron, stop it. I know _everything_."

"Harry, you can't believe him! He is a Death Eater!"

"I believe Mr. Weasley that I have been cleared of _all_ charges."

"Ron, it's not a question of believing him or not. I _heard_ everything you three were saying in the Room of Requirement. I was here, in the shadows."

"And so was I Mr. Weasley. And I would gladly give my memories to Mr. Potter if he was to decide to put charges against you three. Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy, I think that you should go and enjoy dinner. You must be hungry."

Too shocked to answer, Weasley moved out of the way and we were able to go to our respective seats. Minerva had heard everything and she seemed shocked.

"Ilias, is what you said...true?"

"Do you want to know if the fact that Ginevra Weasley, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger have, knowingly used Compulsion Charms, Compulsion Potions and Love Potions on Harry Potter is true? Yes, it is."

"Ilias, this is a serious accusation."

"I can show you my memories if you want."

"I believe you but...that was unexpected."

"Indeed."

"Did you know?"

"I guessed when I noticed that ingredients were missing from my stocks. I linked those missing ingredients with the prophecy, the rest was easy to discover."

Once again, Weasley stood up, his face all red.

"If it was so easy, why didn't you catch us before? And we are bad at potions, I don't even know what are the ingredients of a Love Potion."

"Well, you and your sister know nothing about potions, that is correct. But Ms. Granger has enough knowledge to brew it. And so does your mother, Mr. Weasley."

"Of course I know how to brew it. I am not called the brightest witch of my age for nothing."

"You are certainly not Ms. Granger. The only knowledge you have comes from the books you have read. If you were, as you say, the brightest witch of your age, you would be in Ravenclaw. You are not bright, simply educated. You have read the books you were expected to read. Being able to quote a book is not a sign of brightness and it is not what is expected from you. We expect you to think by yourself. Why do you think that some of us don't use a book when we teach you something? Like in Potions for example. Professor Snape and I never taught you Potions with a textbook. We always write the instructions on the board. Do you know why?"

"Because you don't know how to use textbooks?"

"No, because all of them are full of mistakes."

"But they were written by..."

"Potion Masters? No. They were written by bureaucrats."

"Then why are my grades perfect, _Professor_?"

"Because Professor Snape and I, we have knowledge and we don't use textbooks. Because you do what we ask you to do. And your grades are not perfect. They are what they should be because Potions is not a complex discipline. The most complex part is the reason why you will _never_ be the brightest witch of your age. It is creation. As you only base yourself on books, you will never be able to create anything."

She looked at me, gaping, and I rose an eyebrow.

"Ms. Granger, you should close your mouth or you will catch flies."

She closed her mouth and I saw Minerva smirking at me. I knew that she was pissed by the attitude of those two students and especially by the know-it-all attitude of Ms. Granger. I smiled at her and I looked at the students. Minerva rose and the room went silent.

"I have some announcements to make. First of all, Professor Snape had to leave us because he has something important to do. Professor Crabbe will take his place as the Head of the Slytherin House. I would like you to welcome Lucius Malfoy who will replace Professor Snape as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Then, as you all heard, Mr. Potter is not safe among the Gryffindors. Mr. Potter will now live in the Slytherin's dorms, if he agrees with this."

There were some shouts. People seemed happy that I was the new Head of the Slytherin House, angry that Lucius was Severus's substitute, and surprised or angry that Harry was to live with my snakes starting tonight, even if I knew that he was going to live with Draco and not in the Slytherin's dorms.


	20. 30th October 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucius tries to see how Ilias is doing since Severus left and also brings bad news. How is Severus going to cope with the news?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I am so very sorry for not updating for more than a month. This story doesn't have a lot of readers, but I know that those of you who read it would like to read new chapters. The worst thing is that I have everything on my computer. Life has been quite harsh on me. I had a lot of work at the university and I'm not feeling well. I've been seeing a psychologist for a month because I'm completely lost in my life and in myself. I've also had the results of the first part of my competitive exam and I've passed it! Now I have to pass the oral part of it and hope to succeed so I can be an English teacher in France. Due to this, I don't think that I'll update this story until the end of June/beginning of July.
> 
> /!\ This chapter contains some explicit passages and can be quite difficult on an emotional side.

After a small incident, Minerva had decided that I could not stay at Hogwarts as the Professor of Potions. I was experimenting in my personal lab when the cauldron blew up, destroying part of the dungeons. Minerva was really angry. Not because of the material destruction but because I had been seriously injured. I was careless because I was missing Severus. I had always been careless but Severus was always here to put protecting wards on us. Draco was my substitute until, as Minerva had told me, Severus came back. He and Harry were committed to each other. Lucius was not really pleased about it but he accepted their relationship. I had sold the house Severus and I had bought after the war and I had bought a magical house lost in an Irish forest. I could extend the house as I wished, it would still look like a wooden cabin. It was bigger on the inside. I was, sort of, famous because I had created and improved potions. I was trying to create a potion to enable men to bear children. It was complex but interesting and needed. I also had a weird reputation. I was known for patching up every injured animal landing on my doorstep. I could not say that it was false since it was true. I had even created a trapdoor so that animals could use my house as a shelter if they were injured, sick, or simply if it was raining or cold outside.

I missed Severus badly. I could barely sleep, my sleep being assaulted by nightmares and horrific memories. I could not draw because if I tried, I could only draw him. I had isolated myself from the world, refusing to see anyone except the Malfoys, George and Harry. Minerva was checking on me from time to time, as if to see if I was still alive but that was all.

There was a knock on my door and it opened to reveal Lucius, covered in snow.

"Lucius, I was not expecting you. Come in, it is freezing outside. Narcissa will kill me if you catch a cold."

He came in but he seemed mesmerized by the sight I was offering. It was true that it was for a good reason. I was sitting on a couch, reading a book, a fox sleeping at my feet and a squirrel asleep on my head. He came back to his senses within a few seconds and he handed my a paper. _The Daily Prophet_.

"Lucius, you know that I don't read that trash."

"I know, but for once you should."

I took it and my eyes fell on the headline. _The Unfaithful Eagle_. There was a big picture of me, taken when I had been arrested. I turned the pages and I saw the article.

_The Cheating Hero :_

_Everything you have to know about him_

_My dear readers, you will not believe what I have found on one of our_ dear _hero and spy, Ilias Crabbe. As you all know, he and Severus Snape were committed to each other. But since the former Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts left for an unknown mission, it seems that the boy, known as the Eagle, has decided that since his lover was nowhere to be seen, he could cheat on him. Several sources reported that he had been seen with various men, from students to staff at Hogwarts. The reason why he was not hired for another year at Hogwarts was said to be because he was experimenting on various potions, but there is a possibility that it was because the Headmistress had heard about what was going on in the bed of one of her professor. Don't worry my dear readers, I will investigate on this. After the end of the term, Ilias Crabbe has been seen with a lot of men and he seemed close to them. One of his former students and a soon-to-be-Auror accepted to testify, anonymously : “He is always at the Ministry. He is flirting with a lot of people who are the Head of important Departments. Once I saw him trying to seduce the Minister. When he was a teacher, he tried to teach us how to create Dark Potions. He was always taking points from Gryffindor and praising the Slytherin House. He was very close to the kids of some Death Eaters. I saw him try to seduce more than one student. Some were still underage. I think he tried to seduce Harry but Malfoy seduced him first. He is under Compulsion Charms and Love Potions, I am sure. Harry was in love with Ginny, he was going to marry her, everyone knows this.” A woman working for the Ministry also gave us her testimony : “Everyone knows that he never loved Professor Snape. It was just a way for him to become a teacher at Hogwarts. He is really bad at Potions, I am sure that he bribed a lot of people to become a famous Potion Master. He certainly sold his body for it.” We have pictures of the man with his lovers. Some are former Death Eaters, some are Light wizards, some are major Potion Masters. As it was said, we have numerous testimonies stating that Ilias Crabbe has never been faithful. In fact, we have a lot of pictures which prove it, you can find them at the end of the article. The most precious testimony we have is the testimony of Adrian Pucey, a former Slytherin student who is as old as Ilias Crabbe and was his lover for two months : “After Snape left him, he came to where I work one day. We talked a bit. He said Snape was stupid and naive. He mocked him, saying that no one could love someone as ugly as Snape. He seduced me. I didn't say no. It's not everyday that a beautiful man ask you to bugger him. You know what they say about him and You-Know-Who, I think it's not true. I saw him on a bed, more than once, and I can tell you that he loves it. He loves to be bind up to the bed. He loves it rough. It was great but this guy is a freak. He is completely mad. Once he told me to choke him and, when I refused, he left me and I never saw him again. He was always saying that everybody was stupid because they didn't see that everything was an act and that he was playing a role. I'm sure that he has never been raped. You should have seen him, laying on a bed, legs spread. He was begging for it. A whore, a free whore, that's what he is. I don't know how many men filled him up but I know that I'm not the only one.” You will find more informations about the Cheating Eagle in tomorrow's paper, my dear readers._

_Rita Skeeter_

I was crying. I could feel my tears run down my cheeks. This article was awful. Awful and full of lies. I felt Lucius's hand in my hair and he made my head rest against his chest. I had never felt so pained since the end of the war, since the last time Lord Voldemort used me. I wished Severus could be here with me. I wished he could make all this disappear in one hug. I felt soiled.

"Ilias, I know that none of this is true. I know what you endured."

"Severus..."

"He feels insecure about your relationship. He is wise but unsure. There is a possibility that he might believe it. He knows your talent with potions, he knows your past, he should have seen that you love him a long time ago but this will maybe hurt him."

"I don't want..."

"I know but there is nothing I can do. When he will come back, if he has read this, he will certainly come to me. I will talk to him but I can't promise you that he will listen to me."

"I love him..."

"I know, I know that you do. He does love you as well, but he is blind and he can't see the love you have for him. He fears that your feelings for him are just temporary. Give him some time to think about it."

* * *

_Severus POV_

I was in my tent when an Auror came in, holding some paper in his hands.

"Hey Snape, isn't Crabbe your boyfriend or something?"

"Why?"

"Look."

I grabbed the paper – which turned out to be _The Daily Prophet –_ and I read the article about Ilias's, paling at each word. I knew that Ilias was really good at Potions, maybe even better than me, and he was a natural teacher so there was no way he used me to get the job as Potion Master or Professor of Potions at Hogwarts. I also knew that Ilias would never go after students since he preferred to have older partners but I had no proof about the others. Those things about Ilias not being raped were also lies, I knew it because I had witnessed it. In a way, his first time had been with me because it was the first time he had sex willingly. What made me doubt was Pucey's testimony. It was a bit out of character concerning Ilias. But did I really know the man? This testimony _did_ hurt me, more than I was willing to admit. As I was unsure about Ilias's feelings, I feared that it might be true. What if Ilias had really played with me? For all I knew, he could just have used me to satisfy his desires. This thought broke something inside of me. Was it my integrity? My pride? My heart? I didn't know. But what I knew was that it was painful. I felt betrayed and it became even worse when I saw the pictures. Ilias seemed perfectly happy on them. He was smiling, laughing. Happier than he had ever been with me. I knew it would happen. But why did it have to hurt like this? Why did I have to be betrayed by the man I love? Because, yes, I loved Ilias. I still loved him even after all of this.

The Auror put his hand on my shoulder, in a comforting gesture, and this is when I lost control of everything. And I didn't know it yet, but this loss of control almost cost me everything I cherished.


End file.
